got back from my 6 days 5 nights stay in HK and Macau. went with mom side relatives and the four girls in our family (me included).
left manila at 8am. it was our first time to use online tickets (e-tickets) so we had to pay our travel tax at a booth in the airport. but it was cool to actually just have a printout at hand and be able to fly to another country. :) met up with a-ie and family at NAIA2 and waited for our flight to be called.
when we got to the HK airport, it took us a couple of minutes to find the ferry terminal transfer (thanks to the signs in the airport). we booked our tickets and waited. and since we were technically in HK already, we just HAD to look for food. and being in HK, it was an easy task. hands down to the food in HK. :)
finally, we got on board the ferry terminal. took about an hour before we reached macau. and when we got to macau, the excitement started. :) we were in our own little live version of CSI. hahaha :) a group of (drunk?) men who came from the mainland came down the vessel (they were seated at the upper floor) and started to shout. one of them was saying that his money was lost. and that it was the crew's fault (we had to leave our baggage at the back of the ferry; we couldn't bring stroller-baggages to our seats). and since almost EVERYONE in the lower floor was ASLEEP, no one could say who was at the back of the ferry during the one-hour journey. the guy asked a crew member to call the police since he insisted that this "case" be investigated. he kept on blaming the crew members and saying that they were incompetent and that he shouldn't have trusted them. negative side was that we, being the people in the lower floor, had to stay for the "investigation." they didn't want ANYONE to leave the ferry until the police came. Our bags were inspected one by one by a rather nice policeman; he kept saying bu haw yi xe (i'm sorry for the trouble) which was nice of him. :) anyway, an hour was wasted there on the ferry. :) hahaha :) guess the guy was lying cuz the police who was questioning him mentioned that the guy stated three different prices (on the amount he lost) for the past few minutes. :)
went to find a-ku and family at the venetian, which so happens to be LARGE, HUGE, and GIGANTIC. seriously. the hotel-resort must be the biggest hotel-resort i have seen (except one hotel-resort in korea which is equally huge). but it was breath-taking. they even had indoor and outdoor gondolas (just like mini-Venice). :)
cool thing was that there was guy who saw us when we were outside the Macau ferry terminal. he approached us, gave us his calling card, and introduced himself to be someone who gave group tours. after discussing with a-ku and asking the venetian if they gave tours (which were excruciatingly expensive!), we decided on contacting the guy. :) we went on a Macau day tour the next day. it was fun actually, esp. with the kids running around :) the guy was pretty nice too, making conversation with us along the way. and to my surprise, he thought we were MALAYSIANS. hahahaha :) how cool is that! :D
We went to a lot of sight-seeing spots; two of them being the MACAU TOWER and a temple located in the mountains. i remember the Macau Tower and the Kwan Yi Ma statue from the Amazing Race :) macau tower was the place where the participants were asked to bungee jump (300+ feet from the ground). we even saw an American guy "sky-walking" - going around the Macau tower in the ring located outside the tower (which was equally VERY high up). my uncle and i wanted to try out the sky walk but we lacked time. :) hehe :) maybe next time ;)
after macau, we went to HK Kowloon side. my first time to be in HK after around 8 years or so. a LOT has changed. hahaha :) we bought OCTOPUS cards and rode the MTR to get ourselves to places :) went to visit my grandma (who was also at HK then) and my cousin (whom i haven't seen in ages). too bad i didn't get to see the lights show sir jay told us about last year (i think). it was a play of lights from both the HK and Kowloon side buildings. the MTR in Hong Kong was really nice... made me wonder when our country would be like that (and if it ever will). such a sad reality when you think of the Philippines not being able to achieve what other countries have achieved. and then you start to wonder what may have caused the lack of funds to do these projects.
guess my FAVORITE day in HK was when we went to DISNEYLAND. yaaaay! hahahaha :) i think i was more excited than the kids :) hahahahaha :) but i loved the amusement park there. why? 'cause they had no scary rides! :D for me, space mountain=scary. hahahaha :) so i was satisfied with winnie the pooh and the carousel :) not to mention buzz lightyear and STICH :) waaaaah! STITCH. hahahaha :) loved the 3D show they did of donald duck too! :D
it was really nice and fun.. getting the chance to travel with relatives. the experiences and memories will always be there :) hope there WILL be a next time :D
conflict
taken by esa
abandoned boots
taken by esa
Friday, December 28, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
frustrations and rants of an artist graduate
what is an artist? how does one define an artist?
i don't know how to draw. i can sketch but for the life of me, do not ask me to draw something out of imagination. can i be considered an artist?
i suck at drafting. floor plans and section plans i can handle, but i need someone to guide me. perspective drawing is truly out of the question. am i considered an artist?
i cannot fill a canvas nor can i tell the difference of the mediums used in painting. can i be considered an artist?
a pathetic creature, some people may say. but for me, i guess it's called self-pity.
but seriously, can i be considered an artist? i've looked to my friends for enlightenment. they've told me that i can come up with ideas and i'm good at putting things together. my question is what good will it do me in the real world?
i'm a graduate. an artist graduate to be exact. i find myself contradicting myself with the term artist. but seeing that i do hold a diploma for an arts course, i believe that i am artist, though not truly so.. if you get what i mean.
a frustration that has the people you love think that you won't be able to earn a living with what you want to do. and what is worst is admitting to yourself that they may be right.
the want to prove them wrong is such a hard thing to do. esp. when people give you a small frown and then a laugh, asking you what in the world are you going to be doing with your major.
it's such a cruel world we live in. it seems as if your course isn't worth it if you don't have an occupation named after it (e.g. pharmacy=pharmacist, accounting=accountant)
"do you think you'll be able to earn a lot when you're in the outside world?"
it's a form of protection. i just know it. but maybe, just maybe i still need to prove to myself AND to the people who misjudge me that my course may be worth it after all. and that i may be able to earn a living with what i want to do.
but then there's fear. fear of failure. if there's no failure, then there's no success, or so the saying goes. but what if taking that step into the outside world is a tremendous leap for me? what if i'm scared that the people who have prejudged me are actually right? "told you so" is not a phrase that's easy to take in. seriously.
comparison (again) is such an evil thing. but it's there. it's living. it's real. i wonder if i'll ever get over it all.
ranting is what i do best, i guess. since i don't know what to do with my life. i'm a graduate. i'm working in a field that's a long cry from my major. i'm a scaredy-cat. and i exercise my rights on self-pity more than often nowadays.
but i'm still living. and i guess that's all that matters.
i don't know how to draw. i can sketch but for the life of me, do not ask me to draw something out of imagination. can i be considered an artist?
i suck at drafting. floor plans and section plans i can handle, but i need someone to guide me. perspective drawing is truly out of the question. am i considered an artist?
i cannot fill a canvas nor can i tell the difference of the mediums used in painting. can i be considered an artist?
a pathetic creature, some people may say. but for me, i guess it's called self-pity.
but seriously, can i be considered an artist? i've looked to my friends for enlightenment. they've told me that i can come up with ideas and i'm good at putting things together. my question is what good will it do me in the real world?
i'm a graduate. an artist graduate to be exact. i find myself contradicting myself with the term artist. but seeing that i do hold a diploma for an arts course, i believe that i am artist, though not truly so.. if you get what i mean.
a frustration that has the people you love think that you won't be able to earn a living with what you want to do. and what is worst is admitting to yourself that they may be right.
the want to prove them wrong is such a hard thing to do. esp. when people give you a small frown and then a laugh, asking you what in the world are you going to be doing with your major.
it's such a cruel world we live in. it seems as if your course isn't worth it if you don't have an occupation named after it (e.g. pharmacy=pharmacist, accounting=accountant)
"do you think you'll be able to earn a lot when you're in the outside world?"
it's a form of protection. i just know it. but maybe, just maybe i still need to prove to myself AND to the people who misjudge me that my course may be worth it after all. and that i may be able to earn a living with what i want to do.
but then there's fear. fear of failure. if there's no failure, then there's no success, or so the saying goes. but what if taking that step into the outside world is a tremendous leap for me? what if i'm scared that the people who have prejudged me are actually right? "told you so" is not a phrase that's easy to take in. seriously.
comparison (again) is such an evil thing. but it's there. it's living. it's real. i wonder if i'll ever get over it all.
ranting is what i do best, i guess. since i don't know what to do with my life. i'm a graduate. i'm working in a field that's a long cry from my major. i'm a scaredy-cat. and i exercise my rights on self-pity more than often nowadays.
but i'm still living. and i guess that's all that matters.
Monday, November 26, 2007
movie marathon
okay, not exactly a movie marathon.. just watched two movies with my sister yesterday at trinoma. one more chance starring john lloyd cruz and bea alonzo; enchanted starring amy adams and patrick dempsey.
watching two romantic comedies in one day is a heart-melter, i must say. :) i loved the two movies. but personally, "one more chance" won my "kilig-feeling" award. as a newspaper article stated, "everyone can more or less relate to one more chance. the language used is just like eavesdropping on the next table's conversation." the movie focused more on the line, "to have a successful relationship, you must respect each other's personal space."
in enchanted, the movie was more magical, more enchanting, and SUPER disney. hahaha :) i love the way they meshed animation and real life together.
i'm actually still in awe with the two movies. :) wonder when i'll be able to be part of a production like that. :) but till then, all i can do is hope and pray :) hehe :)
watching two romantic comedies in one day is a heart-melter, i must say. :) i loved the two movies. but personally, "one more chance" won my "kilig-feeling" award. as a newspaper article stated, "everyone can more or less relate to one more chance. the language used is just like eavesdropping on the next table's conversation." the movie focused more on the line, "to have a successful relationship, you must respect each other's personal space."
in enchanted, the movie was more magical, more enchanting, and SUPER disney. hahaha :) i love the way they meshed animation and real life together.
i'm actually still in awe with the two movies. :) wonder when i'll be able to be part of a production like that. :) but till then, all i can do is hope and pray :) hehe :)
Sunday, October 14, 2007
grad day :)
october 13, 2007.
my graduation was held at picc. :) my whole family went. and of course, migs. hee hee :) it was really fun and nice to finally be wearing a toga and also my "honorable mention" medal :) hahaha :) wasn't used to the graduation cap though; it felt as if it were going to fall off my head any minute :)
sat between jed and rugin. got the chance to befriend mikae, the only ab-dance graduate this term. :) i felt proud of us all when we were marching into the hall - down the stairs and to our seats. :) it's hard to explain the mix of emotions during that day - happiness, proud, sadness, and not-ready-to-face-the-world-syndrome. hahaha :)
the most funny thing that happened during my graduation was when i was about to get my diploma. jed's name had been called; he was the last among the production design graduates. i was getting ready for my name to be called. my heart was pounding. my hands were cold. and i felt happy and warm all inside. the brother-president seemed like a really nice guy and it was our honor to have him award our diplomas.
"The graduates of AB-Technical Theater..."
the time has come...
"Eunice Sabrina... "
the dean had looked at me. i went up the stage and headed towards the brother president. the dean's mouth formed an O. i expected him to say ocampo. instead, he said...
"Ong. Honorable Mention"
what?! tHE?! HELL?! hahahaha :) my surname is ANG!!! not ONG!!! :) i accepted my diploma and took my bow nonetheless :) i could hear my friends' giggles already. when i got to my seat, we were all laughing :)
raven: eu! magkapatid na pala tayo! hahaha :)
we kept laughing. even my family was laughing. :) it was hilarious but nakakainis too. why did he read my surname wrong?! hahaha :)
was touched though when miss magda texted me in the end. "huwag ka mag-alala, you'll always be eunice ANG to us." hahaha :)
happy grad to us all :)
--------------------------------------
stardust:
what do stars do?
they SHINE.
my graduation was held at picc. :) my whole family went. and of course, migs. hee hee :) it was really fun and nice to finally be wearing a toga and also my "honorable mention" medal :) hahaha :) wasn't used to the graduation cap though; it felt as if it were going to fall off my head any minute :)
sat between jed and rugin. got the chance to befriend mikae, the only ab-dance graduate this term. :) i felt proud of us all when we were marching into the hall - down the stairs and to our seats. :) it's hard to explain the mix of emotions during that day - happiness, proud, sadness, and not-ready-to-face-the-world-syndrome. hahaha :)
the most funny thing that happened during my graduation was when i was about to get my diploma. jed's name had been called; he was the last among the production design graduates. i was getting ready for my name to be called. my heart was pounding. my hands were cold. and i felt happy and warm all inside. the brother-president seemed like a really nice guy and it was our honor to have him award our diplomas.
"The graduates of AB-Technical Theater..."
the time has come...
"Eunice Sabrina... "
the dean had looked at me. i went up the stage and headed towards the brother president. the dean's mouth formed an O. i expected him to say ocampo. instead, he said...
"Ong. Honorable Mention"
what?! tHE?! HELL?! hahahaha :) my surname is ANG!!! not ONG!!! :) i accepted my diploma and took my bow nonetheless :) i could hear my friends' giggles already. when i got to my seat, we were all laughing :)
raven: eu! magkapatid na pala tayo! hahaha :)
we kept laughing. even my family was laughing. :) it was hilarious but nakakainis too. why did he read my surname wrong?! hahaha :)
was touched though when miss magda texted me in the end. "huwag ka mag-alala, you'll always be eunice ANG to us." hahaha :)
happy grad to us all :)
--------------------------------------
stardust:
what do stars do?
they SHINE.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
got nothing to do..
it feels weird. not having that much stuff to do yet don't have the time to write a blog entry. is it the lack of time or the lack of a sensible topic to write about? i'd say a little of both.
i've been spending the last couple of days doing the same routine. waking up, helping my mom make lunch for my sister, my dad, and myself, going to the office and deal with paperwork, fetch shobe after her classes, come home, and sulk in front of the computer. it's what i deem to be my very exciting daily routine. i'm not complaining or anything. i actually enjoy this lifestyle for the time being. no hurries no worries. hehe :)
i just finished reading "charmed thirds" a few days ago. and boy, do i envy the way jessica darling expresses herself. her character has a way with words and i envy her. she writes her thoughts freely; she writes her emotions away. there are times though when she can't seem to find the right words; thus, using !!!! to make her emotions known to the readers. hahaha :) it's a hilarious book. i love the way she expresses herself. so liberal. so frank. so natural. the way she deals with life as a university student, being far away from her lover makes up the innumerable twists in the book. it's a really good book to read, be it your under stress or not.
had my graduation rehearsal last saturday. the rehearsal was done at the 6th floor parking lot of the DLSU-Sports Complex. talk about wanting to rehearse in a big, vacant, and cheap space. which was, incidentally, one of the hottest places in the taft campus. least there were industrial fans to keep us, in a way, cooler than without the fans. hahaha :) the rehearsal was fun. the production design students were seated next to me. only 8 of them are gonna graduate this term. only 3 technical theater students made the graduates' list this term. hahaha :) got to "bond" with my blockmates (DP1) while the practice march was ongoing. we just talked with each other since the practice march got a bit boring... we were just seated while waiting for the other courses to be called. HRIM, CA, and MMA were after us.. so imagine the number of people we had to wait for before we could leave. for those who don't know, there are A LOT of students who are going to graduate in the said three courses. hahaha :)
oh well, guess that's it for now.... i'm seriously just bumming around. bum bum bum bum bum... weeee :) hahahaha :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
sentence dictation:
what the teacher dictated: My father is a brain surgeon.
what the student wrote: My father is a brave surgeon.
:)
i've been spending the last couple of days doing the same routine. waking up, helping my mom make lunch for my sister, my dad, and myself, going to the office and deal with paperwork, fetch shobe after her classes, come home, and sulk in front of the computer. it's what i deem to be my very exciting daily routine. i'm not complaining or anything. i actually enjoy this lifestyle for the time being. no hurries no worries. hehe :)
i just finished reading "charmed thirds" a few days ago. and boy, do i envy the way jessica darling expresses herself. her character has a way with words and i envy her. she writes her thoughts freely; she writes her emotions away. there are times though when she can't seem to find the right words; thus, using !!!! to make her emotions known to the readers. hahaha :) it's a hilarious book. i love the way she expresses herself. so liberal. so frank. so natural. the way she deals with life as a university student, being far away from her lover makes up the innumerable twists in the book. it's a really good book to read, be it your under stress or not.
had my graduation rehearsal last saturday. the rehearsal was done at the 6th floor parking lot of the DLSU-Sports Complex. talk about wanting to rehearse in a big, vacant, and cheap space. which was, incidentally, one of the hottest places in the taft campus. least there were industrial fans to keep us, in a way, cooler than without the fans. hahaha :) the rehearsal was fun. the production design students were seated next to me. only 8 of them are gonna graduate this term. only 3 technical theater students made the graduates' list this term. hahaha :) got to "bond" with my blockmates (DP1) while the practice march was ongoing. we just talked with each other since the practice march got a bit boring... we were just seated while waiting for the other courses to be called. HRIM, CA, and MMA were after us.. so imagine the number of people we had to wait for before we could leave. for those who don't know, there are A LOT of students who are going to graduate in the said three courses. hahaha :)
oh well, guess that's it for now.... i'm seriously just bumming around. bum bum bum bum bum... weeee :) hahahaha :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
sentence dictation:
what the teacher dictated: My father is a brain surgeon.
what the student wrote: My father is a brave surgeon.
:)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
break time.
head's throbbing real hard right now... migraine's kicking in again. i thank whoever invented "break time." hahaha :) i'm still in the office right now - file,type, file, type, look for the calculator. hahaha :) this is soooo far from what i studied for. seriously.
here i am again missing my friends - both college and high school ones. can't wait for tomorrow - plan to meet up with a couple of my HS buds for dinner. hallelujah! hahaha :) and meet up with rug and the others on saturday just for fun. i miss 'em a lot. i miss spending time with them and having lunches with them.
my life now is waking up in the morning and looking forward to the time my mom says, "let's go pick up shobe." hahaha :) at least i'm not that pressured here in work. i mean, i'm lucky and fortunate enough to have a reasonable load and a very understanding and patient mentor (who happens to be my mom) who just smiles at me and answers my questions with, "i learned that on my own when i was starting." or "do i have to teach you everything a second time?" hahaha :) but after that, she gives me decent answers to my questions. :)
yesterday, my aunt asked me to write receipts. and seriously, my hands were shaking. hahaha :) as in they were shaking. my best friend, as of yesterday, was the "liquid" in my mom's drawer. :) hahaha :) every mistake = one more bonding moment with the bottle of liquid. weee! ~_~
my cousin sharon got married last sunday. :) i'm really happy for her. she asked me to an AVP for her wedding. her and ahia francis's moments together. hahaha :) and i really enjoyed doing that AVP of hers. thankfully, when it was shown during the reception, people applauded and praised me for my work. :) it really felt good. i know that there were some parts that were really off (take the sound for instance since i forgot to turn off the electric fan when i recorded some interview parts) but my other cousins thought it was pretty good. :) i'm still an amateur-wanting-to-be-director-and-editor and i know that there's still much to learn, but i'm really glad that my cousin entrusted me with that project. :) it felt really good. and i guess practice makes perfect. :) need to keep the optimistic person in me alive :)
oh well, gonna get back to my table. almost back to work time. signing off. :)
here i am again missing my friends - both college and high school ones. can't wait for tomorrow - plan to meet up with a couple of my HS buds for dinner. hallelujah! hahaha :) and meet up with rug and the others on saturday just for fun. i miss 'em a lot. i miss spending time with them and having lunches with them.
my life now is waking up in the morning and looking forward to the time my mom says, "let's go pick up shobe." hahaha :) at least i'm not that pressured here in work. i mean, i'm lucky and fortunate enough to have a reasonable load and a very understanding and patient mentor (who happens to be my mom) who just smiles at me and answers my questions with, "i learned that on my own when i was starting." or "do i have to teach you everything a second time?" hahaha :) but after that, she gives me decent answers to my questions. :)
yesterday, my aunt asked me to write receipts. and seriously, my hands were shaking. hahaha :) as in they were shaking. my best friend, as of yesterday, was the "liquid" in my mom's drawer. :) hahaha :) every mistake = one more bonding moment with the bottle of liquid. weee! ~_~
my cousin sharon got married last sunday. :) i'm really happy for her. she asked me to an AVP for her wedding. her and ahia francis's moments together. hahaha :) and i really enjoyed doing that AVP of hers. thankfully, when it was shown during the reception, people applauded and praised me for my work. :) it really felt good. i know that there were some parts that were really off (take the sound for instance since i forgot to turn off the electric fan when i recorded some interview parts) but my other cousins thought it was pretty good. :) i'm still an amateur-wanting-to-be-director-and-editor and i know that there's still much to learn, but i'm really glad that my cousin entrusted me with that project. :) it felt really good. and i guess practice makes perfect. :) need to keep the optimistic person in me alive :)
oh well, gonna get back to my table. almost back to work time. signing off. :)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
nostalgia
today is officially my third day of my "getting-to-know-the-ins-and-outs-of-the-office" life. it's been around two weeks since my last day as a college student at dls-csb. i've gotta be honest though. i don't find the work i do to be much fun. it's cool to be working at the office and all, but it's really not what i studied for. i finished a course on theater and i'm doing a job involving calculators and the filing system. HA. but i guess this is what the elders usually say, we don't get the job we studied for. :) guess i'm just in my adjustment period. and to be honest, i am getting the hang of it. hehe :) well, i SHOULD get the hang of it :)
--------------------------------
last tuesday and wednesday -- went to punta fuego with a couple of my college friends. too bad some others couldn't follow since classes started on wednesday. haha :) it was really relaxing and fun. there were cabanas located somewhere on the shore of the beach. the cabanas had pillows!!! so i could sleep :) hahaha :) it's really a nice place... and having my friends with me made the moment better and more memorable. :)
---------------------------------------------
going to class seems just like yesterday. and yes, there have been a lot of instances that i miss going to school. waking up in the morning, catching the train going to school, eating with friends, complaining about the workload, dealing with teachers -- that's been my life for the past years. now that school is done, it really feels different. there are times i feel depressed.. missing my friends and all.. i get the feeling that i don't want to work just yet.. i want to rest. hahaha :) or at least not work before i have my graduation march. i miss being a student. i miss going to class. i miss eating lunch with my friends. i miss having free time. i got used to doing my own schedule - i had time. now, i need to follow a certain schedule. :-<>
---------------------------------------------
at work:
m: (while doing something else) write intial
e: (nervous) initial?
m: yeah
e: (thinking) initial as in my intials or initial as in initial payment?!?!?!?!?!
e: (writing down the word initial) I-N-I-T
m: ano yan?! write your initals, not the word initial..
(~_~*)
--------------------------------
last tuesday and wednesday -- went to punta fuego with a couple of my college friends. too bad some others couldn't follow since classes started on wednesday. haha :) it was really relaxing and fun. there were cabanas located somewhere on the shore of the beach. the cabanas had pillows!!! so i could sleep :) hahaha :) it's really a nice place... and having my friends with me made the moment better and more memorable. :)
---------------------------------------------
going to class seems just like yesterday. and yes, there have been a lot of instances that i miss going to school. waking up in the morning, catching the train going to school, eating with friends, complaining about the workload, dealing with teachers -- that's been my life for the past years. now that school is done, it really feels different. there are times i feel depressed.. missing my friends and all.. i get the feeling that i don't want to work just yet.. i want to rest. hahaha :) or at least not work before i have my graduation march. i miss being a student. i miss going to class. i miss eating lunch with my friends. i miss having free time. i got used to doing my own schedule - i had time. now, i need to follow a certain schedule. :-<>
---------------------------------------------
at work:
m: (while doing something else) write intial
e: (nervous) initial?
m: yeah
e: (thinking) initial as in my intials or initial as in initial payment?!?!?!?!?!
e: (writing down the word initial) I-N-I-T
m: ano yan?! write your initals, not the word initial..
(~_~*)
Friday, September 07, 2007
graduation.
i have finally walked the hallways of csb for the last time (as a student, that is). thursday (09-06-07) was judgement day - do or die, graduate or remain - and thankfully, all of us surpassed that day. :) a load off my shoulders. college life is done for me. :)
being nostalgic, images from the last few years run through my mind. from my frosh years to productions and finally, the present. people i have met, organizations i have entered, activities i have joined. everything has molded me into who i am right now. :) as the cliche line goes, "i've learned a lot of things in my stay in college.."
i've learned to deal with the different reactions when you tell a guy you like him. :) of all the reactions, i've come to treasure one. i had a major crush on this guy when i saw this guy during the first week of classes. :) and to be honest, he's actually the reason why i got to know a lot of people from his course. (thanks to him for that!) however, when i let him know that i liked him, things changed. he got mad at me. hahaha :) seriously... and until now, the mystery is still around. why did he get THAT mad at me for just letting him know that i liked him? :)
met a couple of professors that have let us live "the life outside SDA." hahaha :) in layman's terms, they were the professors who gave us hell. we had to work our asses off (as all students do), submit projects and report a different topic EVERY WEEK and settle for a 1.0 or 1.5 as our final grade. hahaha :) and all they can say is, "at least pareho yung grades niyong lahat." hahahaha :) WTF?!
curses... from the demure and innocent expression of "holy cow," my tongue has evolved into a creature i myself can't control. tang-ina, fuck, and shit seem more appropriate at times when the level of stress is rising. someone once told me, "dati ikaw yung ala maria clara ah... tapos ngayon, mas grabe ka pa magmura sa akin." it's not a comment to be proud of but i guess cursing and pressure comes with the college-life-package. :)
God.. i got to discover and find a new God cuz of my friends in college. they were the ones who told me stories and influenced me to TRY to become a better person. (disregard paragraph above... hahahaha) :) my faith still waivers every now and then, but hey.. your faith won't be that strong if it weren't for the simple "waiverings" every now and then. :)
happiness, joy, relaxation. that i got to know through my college friends. hannah nad rugin have always been there for me no matter what. and i love them for that. hannah and i are the extremes. hannah being the extremely happy person and i being the extremely serious person. i have a feeling we'd clash big time if it weren't for rugin in the middle. :) weird enough, the three of us hit it off pretty well. :) we were able to accomplish everything miss minchin and her accomplice required us to do. pretty darn good. :) i love them so much.
there are a lot of people and situations i thank. i've become a more mature person (hopefully) now and i think i am ready to face the world. :)
but of course, i can't forget to thank that someone who has been there for me even when there have been a lot of times that i have pushed him away. :) he's an artist who doesn't know how talented he is and how much i appreciate him being there for me. :) i thank him for being patient with me, esp. during my stressful moments. (ask my friends how i act when i'm stressed... hahahaha.. it ain't a pretty sight.) he's helped me and my girl friends through our "we-don't-know-what-to-do" times :) i thank him for everything. :) and i'm happy that he's there. :)
my college life has ended. :) sadly... but finally.
being nostalgic, images from the last few years run through my mind. from my frosh years to productions and finally, the present. people i have met, organizations i have entered, activities i have joined. everything has molded me into who i am right now. :) as the cliche line goes, "i've learned a lot of things in my stay in college.."
i've learned to deal with the different reactions when you tell a guy you like him. :) of all the reactions, i've come to treasure one. i had a major crush on this guy when i saw this guy during the first week of classes. :) and to be honest, he's actually the reason why i got to know a lot of people from his course. (thanks to him for that!) however, when i let him know that i liked him, things changed. he got mad at me. hahaha :) seriously... and until now, the mystery is still around. why did he get THAT mad at me for just letting him know that i liked him? :)
met a couple of professors that have let us live "the life outside SDA." hahaha :) in layman's terms, they were the professors who gave us hell. we had to work our asses off (as all students do), submit projects and report a different topic EVERY WEEK and settle for a 1.0 or 1.5 as our final grade. hahaha :) and all they can say is, "at least pareho yung grades niyong lahat." hahahaha :) WTF?!
curses... from the demure and innocent expression of "holy cow," my tongue has evolved into a creature i myself can't control. tang-ina, fuck, and shit seem more appropriate at times when the level of stress is rising. someone once told me, "dati ikaw yung ala maria clara ah... tapos ngayon, mas grabe ka pa magmura sa akin." it's not a comment to be proud of but i guess cursing and pressure comes with the college-life-package. :)
God.. i got to discover and find a new God cuz of my friends in college. they were the ones who told me stories and influenced me to TRY to become a better person. (disregard paragraph above... hahahaha) :) my faith still waivers every now and then, but hey.. your faith won't be that strong if it weren't for the simple "waiverings" every now and then. :)
happiness, joy, relaxation. that i got to know through my college friends. hannah nad rugin have always been there for me no matter what. and i love them for that. hannah and i are the extremes. hannah being the extremely happy person and i being the extremely serious person. i have a feeling we'd clash big time if it weren't for rugin in the middle. :) weird enough, the three of us hit it off pretty well. :) we were able to accomplish everything miss minchin and her accomplice required us to do. pretty darn good. :) i love them so much.
there are a lot of people and situations i thank. i've become a more mature person (hopefully) now and i think i am ready to face the world. :)
but of course, i can't forget to thank that someone who has been there for me even when there have been a lot of times that i have pushed him away. :) he's an artist who doesn't know how talented he is and how much i appreciate him being there for me. :) i thank him for being patient with me, esp. during my stressful moments. (ask my friends how i act when i'm stressed... hahahaha.. it ain't a pretty sight.) he's helped me and my girl friends through our "we-don't-know-what-to-do" times :) i thank him for everything. :) and i'm happy that he's there. :)
my college life has ended. :) sadly... but finally.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
defense done.
at a nearby computer shop right now. waiting for camille to come so that we can settle our payments with the accounting office. i think i came to school too early. hahaha :) but it was okay. least i got to run some errands. and hopefully, i can finalize the whole thing before i go home later. i want the araquio funds dealt and done with.
had our thesis defense yesterday. it was nerve-wrecking at first cuz we didn't know what to report. we've had to defend our thesis for the past few months and having to defend it again was kinda weird. we didn't know what else to say, esp. since we've already executed the thesis itself. :) but least our panel was composed of miss magda, sir robin, and sir rondell. and was i glad when sir robin suggested that we all take a seat and make the thesis a tad informal. :) way cool! hahaha :) guess me crying during my thesis 1 class gave the panel a heads up that there was a weakling in the group. hahahaha :)
but i'm just glad that our thesis is done with. well, minus the funds that is. hahaha :)
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rugin: so, kailan nga tayo alis?
me: saan ba tayo punta? sa punta Tuego?
(all laugh sabay hirit si dane)
dane: saan yun?! sa baFangas?!
hahahahaha :) leche. ( ' o ' )V
had our thesis defense yesterday. it was nerve-wrecking at first cuz we didn't know what to report. we've had to defend our thesis for the past few months and having to defend it again was kinda weird. we didn't know what else to say, esp. since we've already executed the thesis itself. :) but least our panel was composed of miss magda, sir robin, and sir rondell. and was i glad when sir robin suggested that we all take a seat and make the thesis a tad informal. :) way cool! hahaha :) guess me crying during my thesis 1 class gave the panel a heads up that there was a weakling in the group. hahahaha :)
but i'm just glad that our thesis is done with. well, minus the funds that is. hahaha :)
----------------------------------------------
rugin: so, kailan nga tayo alis?
me: saan ba tayo punta? sa punta Tuego?
(all laugh sabay hirit si dane)
dane: saan yun?! sa baFangas?!
hahahahaha :) leche. ( ' o ' )V
Thursday, August 30, 2007
bangag conversations.
dane: susunduin ka ni achi? naks! marunong na ako magchinese!
jon: panu yung brother?
dane: ahia
eu: eh younger brother?
dane: shoti!
eu: eh younger sister?
dane: (after a while) ice-cream yun eh... hmm..
eu and jon: ice-cream?!
dane: SHOBE!!!!
eu: ano yun, sorbetes?!
dane: oo noh, pinaghalong sorbetes tsaka sherbet!!
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ni: and then i saw abe waiting for the elevator. but didn't say hi na cuz he was at the other end.
daddy: so you guys didn't greet each other?
ni: nope. cuz he was at the other end. ang layo eh.
daddy: huh? ganung kalaki ba elevator niyo?
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m: lando, punta tayo salazar.
l: opo
(after a while)
m: lando, saan ka pupunta? salazar tayo ah
l: salazar po ba? akala ko sa la salle.
----------------------------------
dane: eu, kamukha mo yung katabi ko.
eu: ah thanks.
(after a while)
eu: ano sabi mo?
dane: ano ba akala mong sinabi ko?
eu: bakit ko naging kamukha si ratatouille?
what the?! hahahaha :)
jon: panu yung brother?
dane: ahia
eu: eh younger brother?
dane: shoti!
eu: eh younger sister?
dane: (after a while) ice-cream yun eh... hmm..
eu and jon: ice-cream?!
dane: SHOBE!!!!
eu: ano yun, sorbetes?!
dane: oo noh, pinaghalong sorbetes tsaka sherbet!!
---------------------------------------
ni: and then i saw abe waiting for the elevator. but didn't say hi na cuz he was at the other end.
daddy: so you guys didn't greet each other?
ni: nope. cuz he was at the other end. ang layo eh.
daddy: huh? ganung kalaki ba elevator niyo?
----------------------------------
m: lando, punta tayo salazar.
l: opo
(after a while)
m: lando, saan ka pupunta? salazar tayo ah
l: salazar po ba? akala ko sa la salle.
----------------------------------
dane: eu, kamukha mo yung katabi ko.
eu: ah thanks.
(after a while)
eu: ano sabi mo?
dane: ano ba akala mong sinabi ko?
eu: bakit ko naging kamukha si ratatouille?
what the?! hahahaha :)
Monday, August 27, 2007
coffee and san lazaro
it's nearing 5am and i still haven't slept a wink. got a feeling i'm going to be really moody tomorrow. but nothing a cup of coffee won't fix.. i think. i might need another starbucks bottle (the one that can be bought at department stores). it's actually more effective than the coffee at cafe mezzanine (somewhere in manila).
i had two cups of coffee at cafe mezzanine a few days ago. had a photo shoot for an mma friend of mine so had to put on make-up. that made my eyes kinda droopy. then when filip came around, i was half asleep. but got re-energized when shirley assigned me to be their SL stage manager on-the-spot. hahahaha :)
anyway, starbucks bottle works better for me now. so might have another bottle tom. hahaha :) no coffee = braindead. seriously. my friends bear witness. hahaha :)
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it's a sunday. well, it was sunday yesterday. and we had class. woop-de-doo. cheer cheer. hurrah hurrah. it was totally depressing. sunday?! school?! WHY?! but had a final presentation for sir morfe's class so it wasn't a waste going to school. sir seemed to have liked our presentation. that's good enough for me :) hehehe :) still have to set up the exhibit for his subject on wednesday.. when will this school term end?!?!?!
----------------------------------
since it rained real hard during our thesis date, none of our panelists were able to attend. so we have to give them vcd/dvd copies, which are due tomorrow. problem is i don't have a dvd burner, so went to SM San Lazaro a while ago to look for computer shops. unfortunately, the guard i asked said that netopia had already "pulled out" but there were around 2 computer shops that dealt with dvd burning. i rushed to the first one and everything was okay. except for the fact that their pc lacked space to store the temporary files of the video to be burned. or something like that.
i went to the second store. the guy asked me to buy a blank dvd since they didn't provide the blank cds. so, i lined up at cd-r-king and it took me eons before i reached the counter. but i bought the dvds and went back to the store. had to wait for the person in front of me to finish. finally, it was my turn! the kuya, however, wanted to burn the video as dvd data file. i insisted that i wanted the disc to play at dvd players. to cut the long story short, i kinda argued with him then after quite a while decided to just take the blank dvd and leave.
so i have no dvd copy and a very grainy vcd copy. oh well.
------------------------------------
the good thing that happened at sm san lazaro, though, was that i saw a familiar face. seriously. i don't know his name or where i met him or seen him. but it was just familiarity.
i was on my way down while he was on his way up. when i saw him, i thought he looked familiar. he looked at me too and guess the same thought was running in his head. finally, he just smiled at me and made a little wave. i did the same. it was just a few seconds but the feeling was nice. what i mean is that it's nice to be familiar wiht someone, even if you don't know the name or whatsoever. :) hehehe :)
that kinda brightened up my sour graping mood a while ago. :)
------------------------------------
it's almost 5:15am. so much things yet to do. haaay... hehehe :)
i had two cups of coffee at cafe mezzanine a few days ago. had a photo shoot for an mma friend of mine so had to put on make-up. that made my eyes kinda droopy. then when filip came around, i was half asleep. but got re-energized when shirley assigned me to be their SL stage manager on-the-spot. hahahaha :)
anyway, starbucks bottle works better for me now. so might have another bottle tom. hahaha :) no coffee = braindead. seriously. my friends bear witness. hahaha :)
----------------------------------
it's a sunday. well, it was sunday yesterday. and we had class. woop-de-doo. cheer cheer. hurrah hurrah. it was totally depressing. sunday?! school?! WHY?! but had a final presentation for sir morfe's class so it wasn't a waste going to school. sir seemed to have liked our presentation. that's good enough for me :) hehehe :) still have to set up the exhibit for his subject on wednesday.. when will this school term end?!?!?!
----------------------------------
since it rained real hard during our thesis date, none of our panelists were able to attend. so we have to give them vcd/dvd copies, which are due tomorrow. problem is i don't have a dvd burner, so went to SM San Lazaro a while ago to look for computer shops. unfortunately, the guard i asked said that netopia had already "pulled out" but there were around 2 computer shops that dealt with dvd burning. i rushed to the first one and everything was okay. except for the fact that their pc lacked space to store the temporary files of the video to be burned. or something like that.
i went to the second store. the guy asked me to buy a blank dvd since they didn't provide the blank cds. so, i lined up at cd-r-king and it took me eons before i reached the counter. but i bought the dvds and went back to the store. had to wait for the person in front of me to finish. finally, it was my turn! the kuya, however, wanted to burn the video as dvd data file. i insisted that i wanted the disc to play at dvd players. to cut the long story short, i kinda argued with him then after quite a while decided to just take the blank dvd and leave.
so i have no dvd copy and a very grainy vcd copy. oh well.
------------------------------------
the good thing that happened at sm san lazaro, though, was that i saw a familiar face. seriously. i don't know his name or where i met him or seen him. but it was just familiarity.
i was on my way down while he was on his way up. when i saw him, i thought he looked familiar. he looked at me too and guess the same thought was running in his head. finally, he just smiled at me and made a little wave. i did the same. it was just a few seconds but the feeling was nice. what i mean is that it's nice to be familiar wiht someone, even if you don't know the name or whatsoever. :) hehehe :)
that kinda brightened up my sour graping mood a while ago. :)
------------------------------------
it's almost 5:15am. so much things yet to do. haaay... hehehe :)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
poem at plaza v
because of one phone call you didn't answer,
I had to go to Nueva Ecija alone.
because the video "Doors" decided to appear now,
I had the whole night to nurse my tears.
because we aren't in speaking terms anymore,
I didn't see you on the night of our thesis.
because we "broke up" badly,
I can't be there fr you like I used to.
because i don't know a thing about you anymore,
I wish i could get to know you once again.
because it seems as if you despise me,
I have no one beside me right now.
because you thought i moved on easily,
I am still not over you now.
because i remember all the times we were together,
I hurt when i walk the hallways in school.
because i know no one else understands me,
I miss you even more so...
because i regret every minute of letting you go,
I dream of you - hugging you and never letting go.
because being with you is now impossible,
I drown in my own self-pity.
I had to go to Nueva Ecija alone.
because the video "Doors" decided to appear now,
I had the whole night to nurse my tears.
because we aren't in speaking terms anymore,
I didn't see you on the night of our thesis.
because we "broke up" badly,
I can't be there fr you like I used to.
because i don't know a thing about you anymore,
I wish i could get to know you once again.
because it seems as if you despise me,
I have no one beside me right now.
because you thought i moved on easily,
I am still not over you now.
because i remember all the times we were together,
I hurt when i walk the hallways in school.
because i know no one else understands me,
I miss you even more so...
because i regret every minute of letting you go,
I dream of you - hugging you and never letting go.
because being with you is now impossible,
I drown in my own self-pity.
Friday, August 17, 2007
flowers for me. :)
for our staging of Araquio: Ang Paghahanap sa Tierra Santa. thanks thanks :)
august 16, 2007. received it noon time by delivery.
august 16, 2007. received it noon time by delivery.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
araquio.
finally, thesis is done. :) woopee for that! but all i can say is we went through HELL just to stage that show. this was how our yesterday went by.
August 15, 2007
got to school at 8:30am. the freshmen were already there so we waited for hannah and camille's van. camille called around 10am saying that she was near and that na-traffic lang because it was raining cats and dogs. soon did we find out that camille was near MCO (our venue) while we were waiting at school! so, we had to wait again for the van to go to csb main. we left around 12noon.
while waiting, there were incidents that happened. taft hotel called me up telling me that a cast member used the phone line and that we had a 204. something bill that we have to settle. after that, i had to check with ms. grace regarding our bus. lo and behold, ms. grace told me that they (the GAS office) has made their stand. they've decided not to push through with our 8:30 or 9pm trip and ship the actors back to nueva ecija. reason? because the typhoon will most likely hit NE. problem number 2: will we rent another bus or a few vans or do we ask the actors to stay another night? where?
and of course, since it was raining REALLY hard, classes were suspended. problem number 3: what will happen to our audience? how about the bus? what will happen? HOW ABOUT OUR SHOW? but as the saying goes, "THE SHOW MUST GO ON."
my cel phone was ringing off the hook the whole day, literally. ms. magda and taft hotel were calling me to confirm and ask questions. i had to keep calling dane and arnie to keep communication (since they were already at MCO).
also, we had to pick up the souvenir programs that was supposedly scheduled to be picked up at 8 or 9am. but due to lack of transportation and misunderstanding, we picked the programs at around 12 something. hannah and i had to take a pedicab to and from the place. the souvenir programs were to my liking though. so that kinda brightened my day.
hannah and i rushed to camille's van. just in time, since the moment we stepped into the van was the moment rain poured down. unfortunately, i had to run down again to charlito's to claim the lunch. kristoffer, a freshman, went with me. and i thank him for that. we rushed through the rain, got the food, and went back to the van. if someone had given us soap and shampoo, i guess we could've taken a bath there :) hahaha :)
to make things worse, we got stuck in traffic for around 2-3 hours. we had to cancel our 1pm show.
finally, we arrived at the venue. i had to finish editing the AVP, rox had to test the sound system, dane and rug had to cue the lights, arnie had to direct the actors, hannah and i had to know the cues to stage manage the whole production. no one could leave their positions.
thankfully, the freshmen were there to help us out. thank God for them. :)
the day was literally hell. to stage a production in two months was impossible. having the cast of that two-month preparation live in nueva ecija didn't exactly lighten up the burden. but we pulled it off. iSDA productions pulled it off. and i thank the Lord for that. :)
thanks to mandy, jojo, sir manolet, sir jethro, and my buddy for taking the time to watch our play, even if it was raining real hard that day. :) thanks too to those who watched! :)
there will be no play that will be as IMPOSSIBLE as ours.
------------------------------------
yu: how much yung TF ng actors?
eu: TF nila?
yu: yeah. how much?
eu: 20
yu: 20 pesos?!
hahahahahahaha :) that was part of our conversation back stage. :) that line made my day.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
rainy days.
it's our second no-class day today. woohoo! :) storms hit manila and classes in all levels are suspended! actually, i don't know if having no classes is a blessing or a curse. i consider it a blessing since we don't have to go to our class (duh!) but i find it a curse 'cause when we do get back to class, the workload will pile up. also, our thesis is in a crisis mode right now. still having problems with our finances. and still don't have souvenir programs. woop-de-doo. i am sooo jumping with joy (sense the sarcasm?) hahaha :) but yeah, my thesis mates and i are practically floating on a piece of wood in the pacific ocean. that's how dead we are. not to mention that the show is, uh, 5 days from now! beat that! hahaha :) i am so in need of help.
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chatted with teddy yesterday. i was convincing him that i have multiple personality disorder. and that he, based from yesterday, was dealing with 5 different "me" personalities. there was ms. perky, ms. emo, ms. angry, ms. calm, and ms. i-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world. my personal favorite was the last one. our conversation for at least half an hour went like this:
teddy: so, how do you find the weather today?
ms. i-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world: i don't know. i don't have a care in the world.
teddy: *raised eyebrow*
ms. i-don't have-a-care-in-the-world: why are you raising your eyebrow at me? wait, i shouldn't be asking that question. i don't have a care in the world.
and the conversation went on and on and on... with me changing my personalities in mid-sentence. i am that sabog.
--------------------------------------------------
hope our figaro entries make it to the final 12. i'm hoping and praying and wishing. *saying a short prayer*
--------------------------------------------------
also got to chat with my ahia min. :) he's now taking up his medical degree (is that grammatically correct?) at UERM right now. he seems to be enjoying his stay there. good for him. well, at least i have a future doctor to go to. hahaha :) all i can say is that i'm proud of him. for making it that far. and so far he's the only one who actually knows this URL. so i'm guessing he'll most probably read this entry. if he does, well *kudos to everything you've done, hia min. :) keep up the good work. and self-esteem? don't belittle yourself. so what with what happened before? traumatic experiences are made for you to deal with and soon forget. :) aight? hugs to you. :)* and if he doesn't get the chance to read it, well.. nothing i can do there. hahaha :)
-------------------------------------------------
from another window yesterday:
kac: ilang hours ba yung play?
esa: originally, it's being staged for 10 hours. but since thesis namin, my thesis mate cut it down to two hour.
kac: tanginang play yan! 10 hours?!?!?!?!
hahahahahaha :) i dunno.. i just kept laughing when i read the reply. hahaha :) okay.. maybe i AM stressed.
-------------------------------------------------
my ym status message yesterday was a plain and simple word. "tangina." and i received lots of messages. hahaha :) it actually made my day better. really. i was on wits end already with the cost of the souvenir programs. we still don't have a printing company right now and the last we canvassed, one souvenir program will cost as 110Php at the cheapest!! wtf?! okay, i better stop before i actually curse out how i feel in this entry.
anyway, i had that status message and the first one who messaged me was my buddy. he was always one to make me laugh. :) teddy messaged me as well; thus, our weird conversation which can actually be made into a film script. not a bad idea.. hmmm (read above). hahaha :) then nick told me that he can't imagine me saying that and that he hoped everything was okay. aww... :) ahia fred's first message to me in a few month's time was, "wow, ang lutong ng staus mo ah." hahahaha :) even pao, jack, and geneve messaged me. hia vinne also told me to relax and chill.
i'm not proud of my status message or what. it was just how i felt that time.. and right now.. i was down in the dumps. i didn't and still don't know what to do with our monetary problems. who the hell likes money problems?! but guess having those people message me.. even if it was a one-liner or just a simple smile.. it melted my heart. there are still people out there who care.
guess that kinda answered some questions running in my mind ever since i had to deal with the "what happened with the two of you?" issues in school. angry glances from people i used to hang out with. pissed looks from people i used to share stories with. disappointment in the eyes of others. and cold shoulder treatment with the one i used to love.
we live in different worlds now - him and me. and i guess nothing, as in nothing, can bring back what we used to have. leave us to deal with our memories. they'll always be the happy ones.
but yeah, guess i realized that i'm not alone at all. that there are people who still care. but i guess i still need the assurance every now and then.
i am such an emo kid. hahaha :)
--------------------------------------------------
chatted with teddy yesterday. i was convincing him that i have multiple personality disorder. and that he, based from yesterday, was dealing with 5 different "me" personalities. there was ms. perky, ms. emo, ms. angry, ms. calm, and ms. i-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world. my personal favorite was the last one. our conversation for at least half an hour went like this:
teddy: so, how do you find the weather today?
ms. i-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world: i don't know. i don't have a care in the world.
teddy: *raised eyebrow*
ms. i-don't have-a-care-in-the-world: why are you raising your eyebrow at me? wait, i shouldn't be asking that question. i don't have a care in the world.
and the conversation went on and on and on... with me changing my personalities in mid-sentence. i am that sabog.
--------------------------------------------------
hope our figaro entries make it to the final 12. i'm hoping and praying and wishing. *saying a short prayer*
--------------------------------------------------
also got to chat with my ahia min. :) he's now taking up his medical degree (is that grammatically correct?) at UERM right now. he seems to be enjoying his stay there. good for him. well, at least i have a future doctor to go to. hahaha :) all i can say is that i'm proud of him. for making it that far. and so far he's the only one who actually knows this URL. so i'm guessing he'll most probably read this entry. if he does, well *kudos to everything you've done, hia min. :) keep up the good work. and self-esteem? don't belittle yourself. so what with what happened before? traumatic experiences are made for you to deal with and soon forget. :) aight? hugs to you. :)* and if he doesn't get the chance to read it, well.. nothing i can do there. hahaha :)
-------------------------------------------------
from another window yesterday:
kac: ilang hours ba yung play?
esa: originally, it's being staged for 10 hours. but since thesis namin, my thesis mate cut it down to two hour.
kac: tanginang play yan! 10 hours?!?!?!?!
hahahahahaha :) i dunno.. i just kept laughing when i read the reply. hahaha :) okay.. maybe i AM stressed.
-------------------------------------------------
my ym status message yesterday was a plain and simple word. "tangina." and i received lots of messages. hahaha :) it actually made my day better. really. i was on wits end already with the cost of the souvenir programs. we still don't have a printing company right now and the last we canvassed, one souvenir program will cost as 110Php at the cheapest!! wtf?! okay, i better stop before i actually curse out how i feel in this entry.
anyway, i had that status message and the first one who messaged me was my buddy. he was always one to make me laugh. :) teddy messaged me as well; thus, our weird conversation which can actually be made into a film script. not a bad idea.. hmmm (read above). hahaha :) then nick told me that he can't imagine me saying that and that he hoped everything was okay. aww... :) ahia fred's first message to me in a few month's time was, "wow, ang lutong ng staus mo ah." hahahaha :) even pao, jack, and geneve messaged me. hia vinne also told me to relax and chill.
i'm not proud of my status message or what. it was just how i felt that time.. and right now.. i was down in the dumps. i didn't and still don't know what to do with our monetary problems. who the hell likes money problems?! but guess having those people message me.. even if it was a one-liner or just a simple smile.. it melted my heart. there are still people out there who care.
guess that kinda answered some questions running in my mind ever since i had to deal with the "what happened with the two of you?" issues in school. angry glances from people i used to hang out with. pissed looks from people i used to share stories with. disappointment in the eyes of others. and cold shoulder treatment with the one i used to love.
we live in different worlds now - him and me. and i guess nothing, as in nothing, can bring back what we used to have. leave us to deal with our memories. they'll always be the happy ones.
but yeah, guess i realized that i'm not alone at all. that there are people who still care. but i guess i still need the assurance every now and then.
i am such an emo kid. hahaha :)
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
tired.
i've never felt this tired before. i feel my heavy eyes dropping. i feel my temples throbbing real hard. i feel my stomach churning. i feel my mind lapsing. i have never felt this tired before.
slept around 1 or 1:30am last sunday and woke up at 2am. dane was near our house so i had to get up and get ready for the long day ahead. drove to taft to pick up rugin. and then waited for the rest until around 4am. went to crame to leave dane's car and change to jeff's car. got to NLEX at around 6am. rox and i couldn't let the day start without having a cup of coffee (our minds were dead before we had coffee) so stopped by one of the NLEX stopovers.
went straight to nueva ecija. got there around 9:10am. and waited for the cast. it was exhausting. arnie blocked some scenes and we saw what we'll, more or less, expect for our thesis.
left nueva ecija at 5pm or so. waited with dane and rug at gapan for jeff for bout an hour and a half. hannah, cj, rox, and arnie went home first. reached edsa at 9 something pm.
when i got home, had to finish the presentation for sir jay's class.
then yesterday, rushed our (me and teddy's) entries for the figaro contest. *fingers crossed for that* then had a meeting with miss magda regarding our thesis's budget.
when i woke up today. my head was throbbing like hell. i don't know if it was because of being tired or because i got soaked in rain yesterday. i'm guessing the latter.
oh well. i just feel so tired. and a lot of deadlines are still pending.
WATCH ARAQUIO:ANG PAGHAHANAP SA TIERRA SANTA. :) to be shown at the EQUITABLE-PCI MAKATI CHAMBER ORCHESTRA (1pm/5pm) tickets are at 150 Php each. Support Philippine Theater!! :)
slept around 1 or 1:30am last sunday and woke up at 2am. dane was near our house so i had to get up and get ready for the long day ahead. drove to taft to pick up rugin. and then waited for the rest until around 4am. went to crame to leave dane's car and change to jeff's car. got to NLEX at around 6am. rox and i couldn't let the day start without having a cup of coffee (our minds were dead before we had coffee) so stopped by one of the NLEX stopovers.
went straight to nueva ecija. got there around 9:10am. and waited for the cast. it was exhausting. arnie blocked some scenes and we saw what we'll, more or less, expect for our thesis.
left nueva ecija at 5pm or so. waited with dane and rug at gapan for jeff for bout an hour and a half. hannah, cj, rox, and arnie went home first. reached edsa at 9 something pm.
when i got home, had to finish the presentation for sir jay's class.
then yesterday, rushed our (me and teddy's) entries for the figaro contest. *fingers crossed for that* then had a meeting with miss magda regarding our thesis's budget.
when i woke up today. my head was throbbing like hell. i don't know if it was because of being tired or because i got soaked in rain yesterday. i'm guessing the latter.
oh well. i just feel so tired. and a lot of deadlines are still pending.
WATCH ARAQUIO:ANG PAGHAHANAP SA TIERRA SANTA. :) to be shown at the EQUITABLE-PCI MAKATI CHAMBER ORCHESTRA (1pm/5pm) tickets are at 150 Php each. Support Philippine Theater!! :)
Saturday, August 04, 2007
stress.
bulging eyes. sleepless nights. major headaches. hanging minds. pressure. stress. an enemy of all kinds.
play dates are getting nearer and nearer. competition's getting fiercer and fiercer. all eyes are on us. can we do it? being the center of attention is not much fun after all.
eyes burning in on me. judging my every move. i hear dictates everywhere. what to do. where to go. "you need to decide for yourself." i don't want to. i might pick the wrong one. "what is your decision?" i don't know my decision, that's why i'm asking you. "when is the deadline for what i'm suppposed to do?" i don't know. i'll give a random date to you. i'm not the one in-charge of everything. i can't do this by myself. i'm an indecisive freak. someone's gotta help me out with this.
never felt this drained before. it's as if life has sucked itself out of humanity. it isn't fun, really. misery. the want to please everyone. the need to prove yourself. the fight for what you deem right. it's exhausting. it's tiresome. it's life.
problems will always strike hard. change is the only thing constant. a kingdom will once again be built. a different era. a different setting. a different me.
right now, thesis should be dealt and done with.
i'm having problems with making fake snowballs, food, and blood. WHY? i ask. WHY do we have to do this? WHY were the projects given the hell week of our thesis? WHY? :(
i can't do this alone. i can't.
play dates are getting nearer and nearer. competition's getting fiercer and fiercer. all eyes are on us. can we do it? being the center of attention is not much fun after all.
eyes burning in on me. judging my every move. i hear dictates everywhere. what to do. where to go. "you need to decide for yourself." i don't want to. i might pick the wrong one. "what is your decision?" i don't know my decision, that's why i'm asking you. "when is the deadline for what i'm suppposed to do?" i don't know. i'll give a random date to you. i'm not the one in-charge of everything. i can't do this by myself. i'm an indecisive freak. someone's gotta help me out with this.
never felt this drained before. it's as if life has sucked itself out of humanity. it isn't fun, really. misery. the want to please everyone. the need to prove yourself. the fight for what you deem right. it's exhausting. it's tiresome. it's life.
problems will always strike hard. change is the only thing constant. a kingdom will once again be built. a different era. a different setting. a different me.
right now, thesis should be dealt and done with.
i'm having problems with making fake snowballs, food, and blood. WHY? i ask. WHY do we have to do this? WHY were the projects given the hell week of our thesis? WHY? :(
i can't do this alone. i can't.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
memories and thesis
got to talk to steffen on the phone a while ago. :) it's been a LONG while since i got the chance and time to chit-chat with my best guy friend on the phone. told him what's been bothering me for the past few months. and as usual, he has given his opinion and advice. i wonder why he didn't major in AB-Psychology. the title and job would've fit him to a T. i really missed talking to him. :)
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our thesis is soon to be staged. we're having trouble with our funds and i honestly don't know how to solve that problem of ours. we'll be needing more support (both financially and emotionally) if we're to stage the show on time. but i've got faith. i know we can do this. we're just really down in the dumps, financially speaking. hahaha :)
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Our thesis is a traditional play from Nueva Ecija. The play has been staged every first week of May ever since the 1800s. It tells the story about Queen Elena and the search for the Holy Cross. It's a play about religion, but has a comedic twist to its script. "Araquio" has always been staged in open space (e.g. plazas). However, this time around, it will be the actors' first time to stage the play at a proscenium theater (with lights, sounds, and a roof above their heads).
Our actors will be arriving in Manila from Penaranda, Nueva Ecija to stage the said play.
It will be an honor to stage one of the few remaining traditional Filipino plays still existing in the country.
So, come one come all. Let's support Philippine Theater! Mahalin ang sariling atin!
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our thesis is soon to be staged. we're having trouble with our funds and i honestly don't know how to solve that problem of ours. we'll be needing more support (both financially and emotionally) if we're to stage the show on time. but i've got faith. i know we can do this. we're just really down in the dumps, financially speaking. hahaha :)
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Our thesis is a traditional play from Nueva Ecija. The play has been staged every first week of May ever since the 1800s. It tells the story about Queen Elena and the search for the Holy Cross. It's a play about religion, but has a comedic twist to its script. "Araquio" has always been staged in open space (e.g. plazas). However, this time around, it will be the actors' first time to stage the play at a proscenium theater (with lights, sounds, and a roof above their heads).
Our actors will be arriving in Manila from Penaranda, Nueva Ecija to stage the said play.
It will be an honor to stage one of the few remaining traditional Filipino plays still existing in the country.
So, come one come all. Let's support Philippine Theater! Mahalin ang sariling atin!
Araquio: Ang Paghahanap sa Tierra Santa will be showing at Equitable-PCI's Makati Chamber Orchestra on August 15, 2007 at 1:00pm and 6:00pm. Tickets are sold at Php 150.00. If interested, please leave a message or contact us via texting 0917.5354563.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
lrt incidents
LRT incident#1:
the train was crowded. i saw two girls and a baby seated in front of me. i'm assuming one was the mother and the other the sister. the baby, around 1 or 2 years old, started mumbling and was getting cranky. the next thing i knew, the mom was lifting her shirt up and she started to breastfeed the baby.
it was a charming sight.. mother-daughter love. but it was kind of weird to see someone breastfeed in a very public place. good thing the cabin we were in was all-girls. but still, i don't think i'd ever get myself to do that.
well, at least the baby got quiet after. :)
LRT incident#2:
i was listening to my mp3 while texting my friends. i was on my way to a party, a sort-of despedida party to one of my high school professors who's going back to UK soon. my head was bowed down when i felt someone tap me on the arm. when i looked up, i saw one of my high school friends. :) it took us long enough to meet each other on the lrt. we've been taking the train ever since our college lives began, and it was a shock to see her actually standing in front of me in her uniform after a long time. :)
we chatted all the way. it was really fun to catch up on things. she's one the future's famous pharmacists and i can really see that she's finding her way to the top :) good luck to her. :)
it was such a lovely surprise. :)
oh well, back to thesis mode for me. :) hahahaha :)
and oh yeah, happy birthday to my buddy!!!! :)
the train was crowded. i saw two girls and a baby seated in front of me. i'm assuming one was the mother and the other the sister. the baby, around 1 or 2 years old, started mumbling and was getting cranky. the next thing i knew, the mom was lifting her shirt up and she started to breastfeed the baby.
it was a charming sight.. mother-daughter love. but it was kind of weird to see someone breastfeed in a very public place. good thing the cabin we were in was all-girls. but still, i don't think i'd ever get myself to do that.
well, at least the baby got quiet after. :)
LRT incident#2:
i was listening to my mp3 while texting my friends. i was on my way to a party, a sort-of despedida party to one of my high school professors who's going back to UK soon. my head was bowed down when i felt someone tap me on the arm. when i looked up, i saw one of my high school friends. :) it took us long enough to meet each other on the lrt. we've been taking the train ever since our college lives began, and it was a shock to see her actually standing in front of me in her uniform after a long time. :)
we chatted all the way. it was really fun to catch up on things. she's one the future's famous pharmacists and i can really see that she's finding her way to the top :) good luck to her. :)
it was such a lovely surprise. :)
oh well, back to thesis mode for me. :) hahahaha :)
and oh yeah, happy birthday to my buddy!!!! :)
Sunday, July 29, 2007
a few words.
i was supposed to stop everything. i was supposed to start anew. my life was a mess. well, it still is. but i believe that everything will take its place in due time.
i have been torn in two situations for the past few months. i've been a caterpillar choosing between two branches to spin its cocoon. i have two choices. but there can only be one path to take.
i had to choose between my family and friends. i had to fight both sides to gain my happiness. but in the end, my happiness was sacrificed. in both sides. i have lots to learn, esp. in the turn of events. i have lost old friends yet have gained new ones.
i have lost a loved one. someone i cared for. someone i loved. maybe still love. someone i can't have. this may be the last entry i write about him.
i wonder if he will get the chance to read this. i doubt it. but even so, this is what i would like to say:
i love you. but you know that we can't be with each other. for reasons that i myself don't understand. it will an eternity of mystery. a life full of "what ifs." i love you, mybe. but maybe my love isn't enough to suffice the pain, hurt, and chaos that goes under the roof. it's a chaotic world i'm in when i'm with you. a world full of love yet full of anger and hate. it's an oxymoron that will forever stay true. we both have stayed true to each other. that i know. i have loved you more than you'll ever know. the three words that have been sacred, you got them out from me. my heart i have given to you a long time ago. i can't have you, mybe. it's a painstaking situation. an unforgiving choice. a sacrifice i don't think anyone, even you, will understand. but i will forever cherish you. your memories. your being you. i will forever love you. a promise that i will sincerely keep.
i am so proud of you. you've done a great deal. and i won't be surprised when, one day, i'll see your face on magazines and papers stating you to be one successful man. i will be proud of you. like i am now. i have faith in you. i always have and always will. together forever. yet always apart. a line i got from the love of reading.
tears will never stop coming, esp. when i have thoughts of you. but now, we are given a new chance to start. i don't know where the wind will take us. i don't know if fate will be by my side. i know that you are a good man. and i know that a lot of girls will fall for you. it's a pity that i can't be with you. it's a loss i want the people i label as "enemies" to see. it's my sacrifice. my love for you. and sadly, your love for me.
i love you, mybe. together forever yet always apart. a line i will keep close to my heart.
.....
come what may.
the jury has spoken.
the gamble is still on.
i have been torn in two situations for the past few months. i've been a caterpillar choosing between two branches to spin its cocoon. i have two choices. but there can only be one path to take.
i had to choose between my family and friends. i had to fight both sides to gain my happiness. but in the end, my happiness was sacrificed. in both sides. i have lots to learn, esp. in the turn of events. i have lost old friends yet have gained new ones.
i have lost a loved one. someone i cared for. someone i loved. maybe still love. someone i can't have. this may be the last entry i write about him.
i wonder if he will get the chance to read this. i doubt it. but even so, this is what i would like to say:
i love you. but you know that we can't be with each other. for reasons that i myself don't understand. it will an eternity of mystery. a life full of "what ifs." i love you, mybe. but maybe my love isn't enough to suffice the pain, hurt, and chaos that goes under the roof. it's a chaotic world i'm in when i'm with you. a world full of love yet full of anger and hate. it's an oxymoron that will forever stay true. we both have stayed true to each other. that i know. i have loved you more than you'll ever know. the three words that have been sacred, you got them out from me. my heart i have given to you a long time ago. i can't have you, mybe. it's a painstaking situation. an unforgiving choice. a sacrifice i don't think anyone, even you, will understand. but i will forever cherish you. your memories. your being you. i will forever love you. a promise that i will sincerely keep.
i am so proud of you. you've done a great deal. and i won't be surprised when, one day, i'll see your face on magazines and papers stating you to be one successful man. i will be proud of you. like i am now. i have faith in you. i always have and always will. together forever. yet always apart. a line i got from the love of reading.
tears will never stop coming, esp. when i have thoughts of you. but now, we are given a new chance to start. i don't know where the wind will take us. i don't know if fate will be by my side. i know that you are a good man. and i know that a lot of girls will fall for you. it's a pity that i can't be with you. it's a loss i want the people i label as "enemies" to see. it's my sacrifice. my love for you. and sadly, your love for me.
i love you, mybe. together forever yet always apart. a line i will keep close to my heart.
.....
come what may.
the jury has spoken.
the gamble is still on.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
dry eyes don't mean dry pillows.
it's been three months. well, nearly three months since we've parted ways. it's been almost twelve weeks of not being with you. of not being able to talk to you.
i don't know why it's so hard to let you go. some part of me says it's guilt. another part of me says it's regret. but mostly, i think it's love.
it's hard for me to love someone. that's something i just discovered. it's hard for me to say "i love you." those three words, especially coming from me, mean a lot more than a kiss. i wish i said more i-love-you's when we were still together.
people tell me it's wrong to regret. "if you keep holding on to the past, how can you know what lies ahead?" i have to move forward. but with you, one step forward takes me two steps back.
i still fight for you, you know? i still tell the people about what a good person you are. i still tell them stories about you.
it's been three months.
i'm dating someone now. my thoughts can't keep going back to you. esp. with the given situation. but it's so hard. i can't get you off my mind. "can i swallow this bottle whole?"
i saw you a while ago. you were being awarded. a dean's lister for three consecutive terms. i'm so proud of you. i wish i could've showed you that a while ago. you did it! you achieved a dream of yours. i'm so proud of you. i just wish i could hug you.
i miss you so much.
and i still long for you. if it's not too much to ask. will you wait for me? can you wait for me?
can we wait for each other?
i can't do this anymore. who should i follow? heart or mind? myself or my family?
whose happiness should matter more?
damn. i hate these questions. i hate them.
i wish you were here to help me solve these qualms of mine.
but you're not.
dry eyes don't necessarily mean dry pillows. don't let my outer appearance fool you.
you don't know me THAT well.
i don't know why it's so hard to let you go. some part of me says it's guilt. another part of me says it's regret. but mostly, i think it's love.
it's hard for me to love someone. that's something i just discovered. it's hard for me to say "i love you." those three words, especially coming from me, mean a lot more than a kiss. i wish i said more i-love-you's when we were still together.
people tell me it's wrong to regret. "if you keep holding on to the past, how can you know what lies ahead?" i have to move forward. but with you, one step forward takes me two steps back.
i still fight for you, you know? i still tell the people about what a good person you are. i still tell them stories about you.
it's been three months.
i'm dating someone now. my thoughts can't keep going back to you. esp. with the given situation. but it's so hard. i can't get you off my mind. "can i swallow this bottle whole?"
i saw you a while ago. you were being awarded. a dean's lister for three consecutive terms. i'm so proud of you. i wish i could've showed you that a while ago. you did it! you achieved a dream of yours. i'm so proud of you. i just wish i could hug you.
i miss you so much.
and i still long for you. if it's not too much to ask. will you wait for me? can you wait for me?
can we wait for each other?
i can't do this anymore. who should i follow? heart or mind? myself or my family?
whose happiness should matter more?
damn. i hate these questions. i hate them.
i wish you were here to help me solve these qualms of mine.
but you're not.
dry eyes don't necessarily mean dry pillows. don't let my outer appearance fool you.
you don't know me THAT well.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
a gamble.
anger. it feels so powerful. rage. it feels so good.
i welcome the change. i need the change.
i can't be the old me anymore. the fun has drained within me.
a new life. a new beginning. maybe that's all there is for me.
everyone has their own time for "re-inventions." it's my time.
the grass isn't that green anymore. the water will never be as blue.
the wall is not that sturdy. every aspect is now new.
an old personality left behind. a guarded person's point of view.
a new chance to grow. a new story to be told.
when the right time comes, then may the grief and hurt unfold.
life now. happy and content. i guess there'll always be something missing. if we felt complete, then we wouldn't be striving to 'complete' ourselves. i played a game once in my life. i gambled with fate and faith. it's too early to tell if i have lost or won. but all i can say is that a new life now, i am bound to create.
i will miss you. and i will love you forever. but i guess there are things that need to be sacrificed. selfish but true. not just for me, but also for you.
he treats me well. and i do like him.
but as always, 'come what may.'
the gamble still continues. i am still in the game.
i welcome the change. i need the change.
i can't be the old me anymore. the fun has drained within me.
a new life. a new beginning. maybe that's all there is for me.
everyone has their own time for "re-inventions." it's my time.
the grass isn't that green anymore. the water will never be as blue.
the wall is not that sturdy. every aspect is now new.
an old personality left behind. a guarded person's point of view.
a new chance to grow. a new story to be told.
when the right time comes, then may the grief and hurt unfold.
life now. happy and content. i guess there'll always be something missing. if we felt complete, then we wouldn't be striving to 'complete' ourselves. i played a game once in my life. i gambled with fate and faith. it's too early to tell if i have lost or won. but all i can say is that a new life now, i am bound to create.
i will miss you. and i will love you forever. but i guess there are things that need to be sacrificed. selfish but true. not just for me, but also for you.
he treats me well. and i do like him.
but as always, 'come what may.'
the gamble still continues. i am still in the game.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
long-time no talk. pvc pipes
it was nice being able to talk to some friends again... some friends i've not had the chance to catch up with. :) nice hearing them tell stories about their lives and how their courses are affecting their lives.
we've all changed. from the innocent first years we were back then to more mature and experienced adults we are right now. we've all changed. as the saying goes,"day by day, nothing much changes. but when we look back, everything's different."
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my pvc project is actually standing! hahaha :) rugin and i spent almost the whole afternoon at the scene shop yesterday. we were glue-ing the pvc pipes together. to make things worse, one pvc pipe had the wrong measurement, so we kinda had to force it to fit the setup. hahaha :) thus, coming out with the slogan, "kahit hindi papantay, papantayin namin!" hahaha :)
even found out that rug actually knew how to handle a saw. :) hahahaha :) i was impressed. she cut off part of an extra pvc to try to extend the wrong measured piece. she kept on chanting, "isipin mo buto 'to ni kalbo." hahahaha :) it was really hilarious actually. :) even the kuya on that floor sympathized with us. "panlalaking gawain yan ha, bakit kayo yung gumagawa?" hahaha :) well, kuya.. in some cases, everyone's equal. :) but in total honesty, i enjoyed it. :) need to put the finishing touches tomorrow then i'm good to go with my project#2 :)
we've all changed. from the innocent first years we were back then to more mature and experienced adults we are right now. we've all changed. as the saying goes,"day by day, nothing much changes. but when we look back, everything's different."
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my pvc project is actually standing! hahaha :) rugin and i spent almost the whole afternoon at the scene shop yesterday. we were glue-ing the pvc pipes together. to make things worse, one pvc pipe had the wrong measurement, so we kinda had to force it to fit the setup. hahaha :) thus, coming out with the slogan, "kahit hindi papantay, papantayin namin!" hahaha :)
even found out that rug actually knew how to handle a saw. :) hahahaha :) i was impressed. she cut off part of an extra pvc to try to extend the wrong measured piece. she kept on chanting, "isipin mo buto 'to ni kalbo." hahahaha :) it was really hilarious actually. :) even the kuya on that floor sympathized with us. "panlalaking gawain yan ha, bakit kayo yung gumagawa?" hahaha :) well, kuya.. in some cases, everyone's equal. :) but in total honesty, i enjoyed it. :) need to put the finishing touches tomorrow then i'm good to go with my project#2 :)
Monday, July 02, 2007
how i feel today.
said by raven:
meaning to say, believe in ur abilities.. totoo na hindi tayo lahat pare-parehas ng kakayanan, but one thing that will make things happen is your confidence din... kung baga, dagdag mo yun sa sarili mo... wag kang kukulangan nun... kasi yun ang motivating factor mo eh..
'nuff said.
meaning to say, believe in ur abilities.. totoo na hindi tayo lahat pare-parehas ng kakayanan, but one thing that will make things happen is your confidence din... kung baga, dagdag mo yun sa sarili mo... wag kang kukulangan nun... kasi yun ang motivating factor mo eh..
'nuff said.
Friday, June 29, 2007
dialogue. LRT.
b: the only time we can be friends again is when i be with you and not fall for you all over again.
g: i agree. then let's make the impossible happen... just so we can be friends.
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yesterday, i caused a commotion. the LRT stopped midway because of yours truly. wanna know why? umm, i fell down. hahahahaha :) i was standing in the middle and leaning on the wall (that had no handles!). the train jerked forward. i lost my balance. the next thing i knew, my butt was kissing the LRT floor. hahahaha :)
it was a really, really funny scenario. i guess the people were laughing inside. but of course, no one dared laugh in front of me. it was embarrassing... but it was more comedic than shameful. hahaha :) i even pushed the person beside me. good thing she got hold of a handle or something. so i was the only one on the floor. hahahaha :) hallelujah!
such funny lrt escapades. hahaha :)
g: i agree. then let's make the impossible happen... just so we can be friends.
---------------------------
yesterday, i caused a commotion. the LRT stopped midway because of yours truly. wanna know why? umm, i fell down. hahahahaha :) i was standing in the middle and leaning on the wall (that had no handles!). the train jerked forward. i lost my balance. the next thing i knew, my butt was kissing the LRT floor. hahahaha :)
it was a really, really funny scenario. i guess the people were laughing inside. but of course, no one dared laugh in front of me. it was embarrassing... but it was more comedic than shameful. hahaha :) i even pushed the person beside me. good thing she got hold of a handle or something. so i was the only one on the floor. hahahaha :) hallelujah!
such funny lrt escapades. hahaha :)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
guarded.
after all we've been through, almost all friends favor you.
i can't blame them for what they think and know.
since the words and stories all come from you.
i just hope that what they know is the truth.
they know you're side. only a few know mine.
you're the victim in our petty scene of crime.
it's rage and love all mixed together.
but yet they'll know my side never.
they don't ask. and you do tell.
you're the victim in this hell.
your friends leave me all behind.
aching with you, not knowing my side.
this is your story. this is your fame.
that i give you. for what i think sane.
this is my fault. that you want the world to know.
that i admit. now where do we go?
our friendship ruined. you say by me.
you say my fault. then fine, i agree.
you asked for time. i gave you none.
cuz if i did, the problems have again begun.
now you write so full of anger.
you wish me bad - the target of slaughter
the weird thing is, your words the world has read
all think of me as some sadist they want dead.
i give you that. you victim of our crime.
what you want. just not time.
yes, it's something i could spare but just don't want to
cuz again, if i do, i am sure to go back to you.
that can't happen. that you already know.
traditional culture - chinese and filipino.
you ask me to go f*ck myself. that's harsh.
coming from someone who used to give me his heart.
situations have changed. and so have we.
what you've proclaimed is how i be.
it's what people know; it's how people see me.
changes are constant; changes are free.
i see you in school. you have your ways.
all your friends hate me; all their eyes glazed.
i drop my head down, nervous to meet their gaze
see how much hatred you've put in this place?
what you want. i will now respect.
you tell me that what happened you regret.
it's up to you. but this i can say.
i will never regret the way i felt for you.
the way i loved you. maybe i still do.
it's something that will never change.
you wished you never fought for me.
and i must say. i fought for you till the end.
i fought until i couldn't anymore. that's my end.
behind the hatred lies a murderous desire for love.
what two things can you do with a broken jar?
life's a bitch. it can make and break you.
but yet we learn.
i love you. you know that. but we just can't be.
i read what you've written and it hurt me.
i know the situation. i'm aware of it all.
i guess losing you and our friends - that's my downfall.
almost everyone has turned their backs on me.
that's how i feel in school.
thanks to what you've written so clear.
f*cking clear to everyone i used to hold dear.
now you've succeeded in what you had wanted.
for me to hurt and suffer in pain.
now that you've got what you wanted.
are you happy?
but enough's enough.
time for me to be guarded.
i know you hurt. i hurt as well.
but the hurting can't continue.
i love you.
but i have to let you go.
from now on, it's your call.
if you want our friendship to remain.
now i must remind myself. i will be guarded.
i can't blame them for what they think and know.
since the words and stories all come from you.
i just hope that what they know is the truth.
they know you're side. only a few know mine.
you're the victim in our petty scene of crime.
it's rage and love all mixed together.
but yet they'll know my side never.
they don't ask. and you do tell.
you're the victim in this hell.
your friends leave me all behind.
aching with you, not knowing my side.
this is your story. this is your fame.
that i give you. for what i think sane.
this is my fault. that you want the world to know.
that i admit. now where do we go?
our friendship ruined. you say by me.
you say my fault. then fine, i agree.
you asked for time. i gave you none.
cuz if i did, the problems have again begun.
now you write so full of anger.
you wish me bad - the target of slaughter
the weird thing is, your words the world has read
all think of me as some sadist they want dead.
i give you that. you victim of our crime.
what you want. just not time.
yes, it's something i could spare but just don't want to
cuz again, if i do, i am sure to go back to you.
that can't happen. that you already know.
traditional culture - chinese and filipino.
you ask me to go f*ck myself. that's harsh.
coming from someone who used to give me his heart.
situations have changed. and so have we.
what you've proclaimed is how i be.
it's what people know; it's how people see me.
changes are constant; changes are free.
i see you in school. you have your ways.
all your friends hate me; all their eyes glazed.
i drop my head down, nervous to meet their gaze
see how much hatred you've put in this place?
what you want. i will now respect.
you tell me that what happened you regret.
it's up to you. but this i can say.
i will never regret the way i felt for you.
the way i loved you. maybe i still do.
it's something that will never change.
you wished you never fought for me.
and i must say. i fought for you till the end.
i fought until i couldn't anymore. that's my end.
behind the hatred lies a murderous desire for love.
what two things can you do with a broken jar?
life's a bitch. it can make and break you.
but yet we learn.
i love you. you know that. but we just can't be.
i read what you've written and it hurt me.
i know the situation. i'm aware of it all.
i guess losing you and our friends - that's my downfall.
almost everyone has turned their backs on me.
that's how i feel in school.
thanks to what you've written so clear.
f*cking clear to everyone i used to hold dear.
now you've succeeded in what you had wanted.
for me to hurt and suffer in pain.
now that you've got what you wanted.
are you happy?
but enough's enough.
time for me to be guarded.
i know you hurt. i hurt as well.
but the hurting can't continue.
i love you.
but i have to let you go.
from now on, it's your call.
if you want our friendship to remain.
now i must remind myself. i will be guarded.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
why is it so freaking hard?
why is it so hard for me to do the right thing?
do i follow my heart or my mind?
when will i ever know the difference of right from wrong?
"i'm not used to living life without you..."
"i want you....but i can't have you..."
is this the way life should be?
sometimes, it's hard to have answers.
sometimes, it's hard not to have answers.
fate and faith are cruel at times.
life is cruel.
some people just can't understand what i'm going through. but they're the ones i need to follow.
m: you don't know what you want.
i: i know.
m: really now...then what do you want?
i: no, i meant that i know that i don't know what i want.
it sucks to be so familiar with one person.
you joke about things that only people who know each other for a long time can joke about.
familiarity can be so cruel too.
"i don't know what to do..."
me too.
do i follow my heart or my mind?
when will i ever know the difference of right from wrong?
"i'm not used to living life without you..."
"i want you....but i can't have you..."
is this the way life should be?
sometimes, it's hard to have answers.
sometimes, it's hard not to have answers.
fate and faith are cruel at times.
life is cruel.
some people just can't understand what i'm going through. but they're the ones i need to follow.
m: you don't know what you want.
i: i know.
m: really now...then what do you want?
i: no, i meant that i know that i don't know what i want.
it sucks to be so familiar with one person.
you joke about things that only people who know each other for a long time can joke about.
familiarity can be so cruel too.
"i don't know what to do..."
me too.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
baring it all.
if you just knew... how hard it is for me too. if you just knew... i never meant for things to be this way. if you just knew...
the last time i cried, you were there by my side. mbc had told me that he was married to his work. i cried. you were the one i called. you asked me if i was laughing or crying. you said you couldn't make out my words. you told a joke and told me to calm down. you were the one who made me laugh. you made me smile. you comforted me.
this time around, i'm crying because of you.... and i have no familiar hand to hold.
bitch. stupid. weak. those words i know describe me best. as of the moment, i know that what i am going through "serves me right" because of what i did to you. you treated me well. heck, you treated me with all the goodness in the world. you were my version of "the best." but i can't always have the best, now can i?
it started during worlite class. you and i had gotten close. you texted every after class then, an "ingat on your way home!" soon enough, you told me your feelings. you asked if i had them too? we were so innocent, so full of joy. i said yes, i felt them too. you were ecstatic, jumping up with joy. i told you i felt scared. you told me that you were scared too. but you were willing to fight. you asked me if i was willing to fight too? i guess now we know who stayed true.
you got to know my friends. you bonded with them and everything was cool. you started to hang out with us. you spent all of your free time with me. you gave it all to me. you didn't spend much time with your friends because you wanted to spend it with me. i know all this because you told me so. we all became rugin's "roommates." you became our non-tech theater group mate. you taught me how to play with vegas. come to think of it, you taught me how to do a lot of things. you taught me how to love freely and how to follow my heart... guess that lesson didn't really sink in.
you helped us out in every single project. from bond to the birds to our mcdo commercial. you provided us transportation and gave us a hand. you did all of this for me, with no other demands. when i was having a hard time, you stayed by my side. you made sure that i was all right. you helped lift my spirit in times i needed a friend. you made sure that i was always all right. you made sure that i was safe. with you, everything was all right, esp. when you hugged me tight.
shooting dates for bond. you stayed until it was done. we shot in alabang. you lived in alabang. and yet you drove me home. i lived way up north but you still found the time. you were sleepy and tired. but you made sure i got home safely. it was 2 in the morning, the latest day in the shoot. you stayed until pack up and drove me home. we were already in the south but yet you drove me home. sweet things can never be forgotten. i was truly loved by you.
we had dozens of talks. about tradition and stuff. a few weeks during worlite class. in your car. the day we had to go to the theater for sir jay's class. outside the yearbook office. we had innumerable talks. we can't be together. we knew that. our talks always ended in "there's no need to rush. we're just two people in love."
you asked me once, "do you have to ask permission to fall in love?"
when you left for singapore, you told me you loved me. you told me you would miss me. i didn't answer you back. you gave me mocha to hold. you gave me mocha to hug. you gave me mocha to take care of me. you even texted me when you were in singapore, just to let me know you cared.
when you came back, you asked if i missed you. i said no, but you were on my mind every single day. it sounds weird, hearing it again. but that was how i felt. no, i didn't miss you. but yes, you were on my mind. ironic but true. it was the same when you asked me if i loved you. i told you that sometimes i do. you laughed, "so sometimes you don't love me and sometimes you do? well, at least you do love me... sometimes nga lang."
we were going to eat at kfc. hannah was going to buy sisig. we were standing in front of pizza hut. i saw a girl with a round box. i said, "sure ako cake yan." you said that maybe it was. you put your arms around me then. you kissed my cheek. it felt so right then and there. a perfect moment indeed.
your crazy antics of making me laugh never fail to amuse me. and my friends.
i shouted in your face. i don't know why i did it. you looked down and turned away. but never for a minute did you leave my side. i said sorry and you said you understood. a hurting puppy-look on your face. but you said you understood. you hugged me and everything faded away.
"keep your hands to yourselves." -magic 89.9
you gave me tiger. well, you wanted to name him danger. i disagreed. you gave me him for christmas. he was wrapped in a box along with three chocolate flower lollipops. you said that i should beware of what was inside the box. when i opened it, i smiled.
i was almost kicked out of the house when i mentioned your name. i was given the silent treatment whenever you drove me home. i couldn't talk on the phone with you. guess if i wasn't stopped when i had a ton of pills in my hand, i wouldn't be typing this right now.
we watched the devil wears prada and zsa zsa zaturnnah. but with friends.
you gave me a necklace with a flower pendant during valentine's day. you asked me to close my eyes and put it on my neck. you were nervous. you skipped your class. we went to moa for a few minutes but then we had to go back to school. i had to go home.
you gave me kybe (pinky bear) and a bracelet for my birthday. it brightened up my day, esp. after we got a 1.0 on our course cards. you were always there for me.
when we text, you got conscious of your grammar. you were making tampo. you texted me a message that had one misspelled word. you texted me the message again with the word spelled correctly. i laughed. "crazy girl, i'm here pouring my heart out. and of course, binibigyan mo ng pansin yung grammar ko."
barbs. crazy girl. dino sounds. wabu. mybe.
we were never an item. we couldn't be. we were... as people say, friends with benefits.
you did a lot of things for me.
you said, "You were holding on to me while I was holding on to us. I tried to keep myself strong for the both of us. Maybe it’s time I should let you go. Maybe it’s time for me to let go of “us."
we both knew we couldn't be. we both knew this was going to end. but why does it hurt so much?
i have my faults. i'm sorry. but this is what i have to do. i'm a bitch for hurting you. and all i can say is that i'm sorry.
i wish we could be friends once more. if you can forgive me. but no, i did not do what you think i did. i would never do that to you. i might be blaming it all on tradition, but everything i'm saying is true. i did not go out to get over you. i would never do anything to hurt you. you must know that by now.
but then again, who am i to trust? i just want you to know that i have been true.
if you believe in me, that would be the greatest thing. i miss you. i really do.
the last time i cried, you were there by my side. mbc had told me that he was married to his work. i cried. you were the one i called. you asked me if i was laughing or crying. you said you couldn't make out my words. you told a joke and told me to calm down. you were the one who made me laugh. you made me smile. you comforted me.
this time around, i'm crying because of you.... and i have no familiar hand to hold.
bitch. stupid. weak. those words i know describe me best. as of the moment, i know that what i am going through "serves me right" because of what i did to you. you treated me well. heck, you treated me with all the goodness in the world. you were my version of "the best." but i can't always have the best, now can i?
it started during worlite class. you and i had gotten close. you texted every after class then, an "ingat on your way home!" soon enough, you told me your feelings. you asked if i had them too? we were so innocent, so full of joy. i said yes, i felt them too. you were ecstatic, jumping up with joy. i told you i felt scared. you told me that you were scared too. but you were willing to fight. you asked me if i was willing to fight too? i guess now we know who stayed true.
you got to know my friends. you bonded with them and everything was cool. you started to hang out with us. you spent all of your free time with me. you gave it all to me. you didn't spend much time with your friends because you wanted to spend it with me. i know all this because you told me so. we all became rugin's "roommates." you became our non-tech theater group mate. you taught me how to play with vegas. come to think of it, you taught me how to do a lot of things. you taught me how to love freely and how to follow my heart... guess that lesson didn't really sink in.
you helped us out in every single project. from bond to the birds to our mcdo commercial. you provided us transportation and gave us a hand. you did all of this for me, with no other demands. when i was having a hard time, you stayed by my side. you made sure that i was all right. you helped lift my spirit in times i needed a friend. you made sure that i was always all right. you made sure that i was safe. with you, everything was all right, esp. when you hugged me tight.
shooting dates for bond. you stayed until it was done. we shot in alabang. you lived in alabang. and yet you drove me home. i lived way up north but you still found the time. you were sleepy and tired. but you made sure i got home safely. it was 2 in the morning, the latest day in the shoot. you stayed until pack up and drove me home. we were already in the south but yet you drove me home. sweet things can never be forgotten. i was truly loved by you.
we had dozens of talks. about tradition and stuff. a few weeks during worlite class. in your car. the day we had to go to the theater for sir jay's class. outside the yearbook office. we had innumerable talks. we can't be together. we knew that. our talks always ended in "there's no need to rush. we're just two people in love."
you asked me once, "do you have to ask permission to fall in love?"
when you left for singapore, you told me you loved me. you told me you would miss me. i didn't answer you back. you gave me mocha to hold. you gave me mocha to hug. you gave me mocha to take care of me. you even texted me when you were in singapore, just to let me know you cared.
when you came back, you asked if i missed you. i said no, but you were on my mind every single day. it sounds weird, hearing it again. but that was how i felt. no, i didn't miss you. but yes, you were on my mind. ironic but true. it was the same when you asked me if i loved you. i told you that sometimes i do. you laughed, "so sometimes you don't love me and sometimes you do? well, at least you do love me... sometimes nga lang."
we were going to eat at kfc. hannah was going to buy sisig. we were standing in front of pizza hut. i saw a girl with a round box. i said, "sure ako cake yan." you said that maybe it was. you put your arms around me then. you kissed my cheek. it felt so right then and there. a perfect moment indeed.
your crazy antics of making me laugh never fail to amuse me. and my friends.
i shouted in your face. i don't know why i did it. you looked down and turned away. but never for a minute did you leave my side. i said sorry and you said you understood. a hurting puppy-look on your face. but you said you understood. you hugged me and everything faded away.
"keep your hands to yourselves." -magic 89.9
you gave me tiger. well, you wanted to name him danger. i disagreed. you gave me him for christmas. he was wrapped in a box along with three chocolate flower lollipops. you said that i should beware of what was inside the box. when i opened it, i smiled.
i was almost kicked out of the house when i mentioned your name. i was given the silent treatment whenever you drove me home. i couldn't talk on the phone with you. guess if i wasn't stopped when i had a ton of pills in my hand, i wouldn't be typing this right now.
we watched the devil wears prada and zsa zsa zaturnnah. but with friends.
you gave me a necklace with a flower pendant during valentine's day. you asked me to close my eyes and put it on my neck. you were nervous. you skipped your class. we went to moa for a few minutes but then we had to go back to school. i had to go home.
you gave me kybe (pinky bear) and a bracelet for my birthday. it brightened up my day, esp. after we got a 1.0 on our course cards. you were always there for me.
when we text, you got conscious of your grammar. you were making tampo. you texted me a message that had one misspelled word. you texted me the message again with the word spelled correctly. i laughed. "crazy girl, i'm here pouring my heart out. and of course, binibigyan mo ng pansin yung grammar ko."
barbs. crazy girl. dino sounds. wabu. mybe.
we were never an item. we couldn't be. we were... as people say, friends with benefits.
you did a lot of things for me.
you said, "You were holding on to me while I was holding on to us. I tried to keep myself strong for the both of us. Maybe it’s time I should let you go. Maybe it’s time for me to let go of “us."
we both knew we couldn't be. we both knew this was going to end. but why does it hurt so much?
i have my faults. i'm sorry. but this is what i have to do. i'm a bitch for hurting you. and all i can say is that i'm sorry.
i wish we could be friends once more. if you can forgive me. but no, i did not do what you think i did. i would never do that to you. i might be blaming it all on tradition, but everything i'm saying is true. i did not go out to get over you. i would never do anything to hurt you. you must know that by now.
but then again, who am i to trust? i just want you to know that i have been true.
if you believe in me, that would be the greatest thing. i miss you. i really do.
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