a few words.

i was supposed to stop everything. i was supposed to start anew. my life was a mess. well, it still is. but i believe that everything will take its place in due time.

i have been torn in two situations for the past few months. i've been a caterpillar choosing between two branches to spin its cocoon. i have two choices. but there can only be one path to take.

i had to choose between my family and friends. i had to fight both sides to gain my happiness. but in the end, my happiness was sacrificed. in both sides. i have lots to learn, esp. in the turn of events. i have lost old friends yet have gained new ones.

i have lost a loved one. someone i cared for. someone i loved. maybe still love. someone i can't have. this may be the last entry i write about him.

i wonder if he will get the chance to read this. i doubt it. but even so, this is what i would like to say:

i love you. but you know that we can't be with each other. for reasons that i myself don't understand. it will an eternity of mystery. a life full of "what ifs." i love you, mybe. but maybe my love isn't enough to suffice the pain, hurt, and chaos that goes under the roof. it's a chaotic world i'm in when i'm with you. a world full of love yet full of anger and hate. it's an oxymoron that will forever stay true. we both have stayed true to each other. that i know. i have loved you more than you'll ever know. the three words that have been sacred, you got them out from me. my heart i have given to you a long time ago. i can't have you, mybe. it's a painstaking situation. an unforgiving choice. a sacrifice i don't think anyone, even you, will understand. but i will forever cherish you. your memories. your being you. i will forever love you. a promise that i will sincerely keep.

i am so proud of you. you've done a great deal. and i won't be surprised when, one day, i'll see your face on magazines and papers stating you to be one successful man. i will be proud of you. like i am now. i have faith in you. i always have and always will. together forever. yet always apart. a line i got from the love of reading.

tears will never stop coming, esp. when i have thoughts of you. but now, we are given a new chance to start. i don't know where the wind will take us. i don't know if fate will be by my side. i know that you are a good man. and i know that a lot of girls will fall for you. it's a pity that i can't be with you. it's a loss i want the people i label as "enemies" to see. it's my sacrifice. my love for you. and sadly, your love for me.

i love you, mybe. together forever yet always apart. a line i will keep close to my heart.

.....

come what may.

the jury has spoken.

the gamble is still on.