dry eyes don't mean dry pillows.

it's been three months. well, nearly three months since we've parted ways. it's been almost twelve weeks of not being with you. of not being able to talk to you.

i don't know why it's so hard to let you go. some part of me says it's guilt. another part of me says it's regret. but mostly, i think it's love.

it's hard for me to love someone. that's something i just discovered. it's hard for me to say "i love you." those three words, especially coming from me, mean a lot more than a kiss. i wish i said more i-love-you's when we were still together.

people tell me it's wrong to regret. "if you keep holding on to the past, how can you know what lies ahead?" i have to move forward. but with you, one step forward takes me two steps back.

i still fight for you, you know? i still tell the people about what a good person you are. i still tell them stories about you.

it's been three months.

i'm dating someone now. my thoughts can't keep going back to you. esp. with the given situation. but it's so hard. i can't get you off my mind. "can i swallow this bottle whole?"

i saw you a while ago. you were being awarded. a dean's lister for three consecutive terms. i'm so proud of you. i wish i could've showed you that a while ago. you did it! you achieved a dream of yours. i'm so proud of you. i just wish i could hug you.

i miss you so much.

and i still long for you. if it's not too much to ask. will you wait for me? can you wait for me?

can we wait for each other?

i can't do this anymore. who should i follow? heart or mind? myself or my family?

whose happiness should matter more?

damn. i hate these questions. i hate them.

i wish you were here to help me solve these qualms of mine.

but you're not.

dry eyes don't necessarily mean dry pillows. don't let my outer appearance fool you.

you don't know me THAT well.