conflict

conflict
taken by esa

myself

i am someone who is delusional at times. someone who seeks for attention of others. someone who suffers from middle-child syndrome. someone who sees depression as an inspiration for writing. a poet. an emotional kid. but an optimist at the same time. weird. but true.

abandoned boots

abandoned boots
taken by esa

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

HK. august 23-25, 2008

as the typhoon lifted in manila on august 21, it traveled to Hong Kong on august 22; thus, canceling our flight and postponing it till further notice. our 4 day-3 night stay turned into a 3 night-2 day stay at the marco polo hongkong hotel.

as if having our trip lessened by one day wasn't disastrous enough, i just had to slip on the bathroom floor and hit the wall face-first. so, the w
hole time i was in HK (till now actually), i bear an evidence of what happened the night before i left for HK - a black eye.

when we
reached naia 2, the lady in the check-in counter was nice enough to ask a guy to escort me to their clinic to issue a quarantine clearance letter for my eye.

august 23, 2008 - arrived at HK approx. 10am. walked around harbour city while waiting for our room. ate lunch at the food court. took the ferry to central ifc mall to meet up with gilbert and emma.
walked around central a bit and ended up staying at fairwood for the rest of the afternoon. it
was pretty cool listening to gilbert, emma, and achi's conversation - the language shifted from english to mandarin to cantonese to japanese. it was pretty awe-inspiring to listen to them juggle from one language to another.

we walked emma to her bus stop. gilbert rode the bus with us back to tsim sha tsui. then we headed off to temple st., ladies' market, mongkok. it was actually my first time to go to HK's night market, so it was a thrilling experience. i enjoyed looking at tables that were scattered in the streets, just like the ones we see in TV series.

august 24, 2
008 - achi, gilbert, and emma went to lantau to meet some of emma's colleagues. i asked to be left behind. instead, i joined the half-day city tour. we went to aberdeen court (jumbo floating restaurant), victoria's peak, and a jewelry shop called JC. after the tour, bryan (our tour guide) and i got off granville st., as the bus and my other tour mates were going to HK disneyland. bryan left me at a corner since he still had to go to his office and gave me directions on how to go back to the hotel. but being someone who is bad with directions, i THINK i turned right when he mentioned left, or something like that. but i ended up in a street full of stores, and that made me one happy camper. :)
brands such as bossini, giordano, g2000, and levis are a must-by when you go to HK. they're cheaper compared to the PI. :)

after my shopping spree, i took my time and went to central via ferry. i wanted to have a glimpse of what HK sundays looked like. there were two bridges that connected the landmark to the central ferry station, bus stations, etc. but what really caught my eye was that the bridge i was walking across was diverse - americans, chinese, indians, etc. - while the other bridge was, lo and behold, filled with filipinos. i crossed over to the other bridge, just out of curiosity, and saw that there were PNB stalls, lottery tickets on sale, and even piolo pascual's poster was there. the place was surrounded by filipinos. it was packed. so that's how the OFW's spend there sunday afternoons in HK. :)
achi and gilber
t came back to the hotel at 7:30pm. achi bought food from the food court while gil and i watched the closing ceremonies of the beijing olympics 2008. i'm so proud of china :) hee hee :)

august 25, 2008 - ate breakfast at sweet dynasty. checked out of the hotel and went to causeway bay to meet up with gil. walked around for a while and had lunch at east lake (yam cha). went to sogo and bought some stuff. we had to leave at 4pm, and so we parted ways with gil at the causeway bay MTR station. *sniff sniff* waited for the airport shuttle at the hotel and left HK at 9pm.

Friday, August 22, 2008

twilight

the last time i had this feeling was when i read harry potter. the feeling of wanting something more from life. the feeling of confusion. the feeling of fear. fear from growing old, i guess. this is how much novels, or should i say storybooks, like harry potter and most recently, the twilight series affect me after reading them.

i never expected that a novel about a vampire and a human falling in love would give me this feeling. i would guess that i feel awed by the passion and love they edward and bella have for each other.
maybe also by the way edward is described in the novel - a vampire so close to perfection that his flaws can easily be overlooked. and bella - an independent teenage girl who has the willpower and motivation that can fill up a whole auditorium. i may be feeling this way 'cause of the whole scenario. edward coming to the rescue every time bella needs him. or edward being able to sneak in bella's room without ever being caught. yet the love story was still between a vampire and a human. it was flawed in every way possible, but it was perfect the way it is.

then comes the comparison between the characters' edward and bella, romeo and juliet. star-crossed lovers. an impossible love. the difference there, though, was that romeo and juliet were against
the laws of tradition and family. yet edward and bella were going against the laws of nature.

another emotion i had to deal with was that of immortality and mortal
ity. you see, i've never really gotten over "tuck everlasting." immortality is honestly such a beautiful thing to offer. imagine, not having to rush yourself into things. having all the time in the world. what more if you the people you love were also immortal. is there any other reason to shy away from immortality?

the issue on immortality would then lead to fear of growing old. yes, i am scared of growing old. i see myself not having enough time to do all the things i want to do. one of my fellow plurkers mentioned that, "maybe you shouldn't desire so much, then you wouldn't have the need and want to do so much." then maybe the fear of growing old would subside.

the feeling i'm having right now is a feeling no words can describe. it's a mixture of confusion, excitement, fear, and so much more. it's a feeling i don't like having yet i welcome the experience of having it.

.... or maybe it's just my time of the month. i will never know.

there was an e-mail that was sent to me - full of love quotes from movies. here was one of the lines that caught my eye.

I would rather have had
One breath of her hair,
One kiss from her mouth,
One touch of her hand,
Than an eternity without it. ---CITY OF ANGELS


maybe i just have to wait for the fourth and fifth book of the twilight series. maybe then would my qualms would be at ease. :)

i am seriously so hungover the book. hahahaha :)plus, the movie will be coming out on dec. 12 this year! yay! :)

the thing with good books such as twilight is that the author pulls you into their world - so perfect, so magical, so hypnotic - it makes it more difficult to come back to reality.

*photos taken from flicker.com/littlebrownbooks and imdb.com

Saturday, August 09, 2008

2008 bejing olympics


breath-taking. awe-inspiring. fantastic. the 2008 beijing olympics surely rocked the world! to quote yahoo! sports columnist Charles Robinson, " Friday’s Opening Ceremony was one of the few moments in the fantastical world of sports when superlatives had no shot." it was one of china's most defining moments. it was certainly a major historical event - one that would stay in the hearts of viewers for a very, very long time.

after watching the Beijing Olympics opening, i couldn't help but feel PROUD to be Chinese. the opening showed the world how much love the Chinese have for their country, esp. during the singing of the national anthem. nothing can surpass the emotion and goosebumps i g
ot when i witnessed the whole stadium (the Chinese, at least) singing the national anthem. the program when they had hundreds or thousands of men beating the drums was so good that no word can describe the amazement i felt. they were all so synchronized, so disciplined, so forceful. i wonder how long they trained for that program. heck, i wonder HOW they trained SO MANY people for that program. and the movements were SO synchronized. it was just purely amazing.

all the programs were certainly breath-taking. to me, it seemed as if they turned scenes from movies (curse of the golden flower, hero to name a few) into live sets. and the number of people. WOW! would be an understatement.

the lighting of the torch was a program by itself. it was unexpected, really. i bet everyone was gripping their seats for the lighting of the torch moment. everyone expected to see something grand. but no one would've expected the moment to be THAT grand. it was WOW to the tenth power. esp. when they asked an Olympics gold-medal holder to be the one to light the torch, it added to the sentimental aspect of the program. more so that they asked the middle-age
d man to run in air while being "flown" to the Olympic torch.

as i've said, this event is a monumental one. and i certainly hope that it will stay in the hearts of the people forever. i have never been more proud to be Chinese. seriously. so much love for their country. so much discipline. so fantastic.
certainly, no words can explain the awe i am feeling right now after seeing the 2008 Beijing Olympics opening.

*photos were taken from yahoo! web sites (AP photos)

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

heart or mind?

to quote what my friend, jon, posted on his multiply blog.

"Love is patient
love is kind
love is not jealous
love is not rude
love keeps no record of being wronged
love never gives up
love never loses faith
love is always hopeful
love endures

many would say this...but to me

Love is the thing that will let you do all of this even if you have all the reason not to..."

'nuff said.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
are you a heart person or a mind person? i asked this question to my friends in plurk and mostly got "i'm a mind person" answers. what surprised me, however, was the way they explained themselves, and weighed the pros and cons of being heart/mind people.

what i love about the conversation we had was the irony of it all. one of my friends said he believes that we all are heart people, and that some people get hurt enough to force themselves to become mind people.

heart people are more instictive. more spontaneous. more prone to get hurt. they make decisions based on what they think will make them happy, not bothering to stop and see the consequences. they live each moment as if it were their last, and try to inhale and share all the happiness in the world. heart people are more carefree. they love surprises. these people are often labeled as hopeless romantics. they share their optimism with the whole world and always look for their "happily-ever-afters."

however, heart people are more prone to getting hurt. and when they do, it becomes their downfall. their push into the pit of doom and self-pity. when this happens, most heart people think that the world is against them; therefore, they seek desperately for someone who will take their side (no matter what the reason/situation). they tend to be more clingy and pour out their souls to their friends.

mind people are more logical. more careful. more serious. they tend to calculate each move they make. they think before they act. it's usually the mind people who know how to deal with bullshit world. they're less likely to be tricked. and usually turn out to become the successful people in this world. they make decisions based on reason and know the consequences that lie ahead. they know what they're putting themselves into and are prepared for whatever outcome a certain situation gives.

but it doesn't mean that mind people enjoy life less than heart people. it's just that mind people are more practical. more realistic. more careful, as i must say.

i said: you need to be a mind person to be able to survive in this world.
he said: you need to be a heart person to be able to live happily in this world.

mind people think. they analyze. they always come prepared.
heart people feel. they act. they are filled with emotion.

it's kind of cool how we classify people in different ways. but in the end, we're all just one big, happy family. :)

Monday, August 04, 2008

substitutes.

thing is... i thought it was over. most of it anyway.

you ever get the feeling that something will just go away when you don't need to deal with it every day anymore?

like college friends. you become close with them during your college days. they become the people you trust the most. you come to think that you guys understand one another... to the core of each other's personalities. but when you graduate, does that hard core relationship still remain? that's when you realize the importance of high school friends.

to quote kirsten dunst in elizabeth town, "we're the substitute people."

a group of friends. a lover. a tradition. i thought it was over. but when i saw the pictures of you and your group of college friends... it was different. given our situation, i knew that even if i wanted to... even if we were still together, i wouldn't be part of the pictures anyway... because i wouldn't be allowed to go.

i though that maybe... just maybe... if i let on with my life... if i found comfort within my high school friends... i would forget.

maybe that's it. i should just go on with my life. like you have done yours (i hope...) though even the thought of you with another girl is honestly enough to be my downfall.

we're the substitute people. everyone/everything is. college friends become the substitute for high school friends. laughter becomes the substitute for pain. acceptance becomes the substitute for demise.

i thought not knowing what went on with the lives of my friends in college would be the answer to it all. they were the ones who knew you after all. who knew us. and our relationship. maybe... if i didn't see pictures, i wouldn't be able admit to myself that you were leading a life without me.

i have to let go. i know. it's just how it should be. after what i've done, i don't see any reason why you should gamble your love with me again.

we're the substitute people. all of us are substitutes. all of us are substituted. but how about you? can your place even be substituted?