conflict

conflict
taken by esa

myself

i am someone who is delusional at times. someone who seeks for attention of others. someone who suffers from middle-child syndrome. someone who sees depression as an inspiration for writing. a poet. an emotional kid. but an optimist at the same time. weird. but true.

abandoned boots

abandoned boots
taken by esa

Sunday, November 26, 2006

eastwood.

*see the BIG fishbowl iced tea? :) hahaha :) [jack's loft - nov. 25, 2006]

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today's ahia han's birthday! :) so happy birthday to him! :)

went out with them yesterday. them = high school friends = johanan, jimai, erick, yanyan, fen, buddy, casper, and patsy. :) i was, yet again, the only girl in the group of boys who watched happy feet at eastwood city. :) believe it or not, we spent almost two hours in jimai's car just going to eastwood from manila. there was traffic everywhere :) hahaha :) it was fun... been a while since i've last gone out with friends, esp. high school ones.

happy feet was soooo cute! baby mumbles and baby gloria are the best! :) they're just soooo cute! :)

gloria: is it empty? can i keep it? (waaaaah!!!! :) hahahaha)

after the movie, we went to eat at jack's loft :) it was the first time i saw iced tea served in a fishbowl :) hahaha :) it was BIG. cool place to be - cozy and relaxing :)

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just something to brighten up one's day :)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

fed up with myself.


that's all there is to explain.

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message: (1857 - on the way home)

sorry a while ago... mood swings got the best of me. guess that's why God never gives me someone i can love freely. that might be my lesson to learn. sometimes, it's just easier to put to words how you feel. writing freely, hoping not to offend anyone. i don't know... stress and me just don't mix well. my pride just can't take the fact that other people's ideas and scripts will be used and glorified, even if there is no initiative to start things whatsoever. they get all the credit without knowing that i, too, am a seeker of attention. my pride consumes my all, leaving me with nothing... but hatred inside. lost in time, but not even willing to find another way out.

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i submitted three works to the shades of gray...wishing that even just one of my works would be published. the issue came out a while ago. my works weren't there. am i THAT BAD a writer?

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once again, i'm drowning. i see light and try to swim up. a force pushes me back down. i don't know how to swim. i gag. i run out of breath. i see a figure. my eyes widen. my vision blurs. my last word. YOU. i die.

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got mad at him last monday (11-20-06). he disappeared when we were ordering food from the caf. we were seated already. he came up behind me with a bag of cello's pillows. "peace offering 'to.. peace na tayo..." all smiles and enjoyment. he apologized and bought cello's without doing anything wrong. it was all me. my mood swings. my inconsideration. my inattentiveness. my insensitiveness. my fault. and he was the one who said sorry.

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*conversations:

M: Can i go to...
A: No.
M: it's a friend's church concert.
A: No.
M: (silence)

M: ... and then A and B were.... then he gave me Cello's as a piece offering.
Y: who gave who?
M: he gave me.
Y: (silence)
M: (-_-) okay, change topic.

Friday, November 17, 2006

moa episode...

went to mall of asia, better known as moa these days, last weekend. and for the first time, i actually saw what has been proclaimed the second largest mall in asia. it was indeed large, but in a nice way. only went to a portion of the mall since we arrived at around 7:30pm already. and since our main purpose for going to the mall was to eat, that's exactly what we did.

having decided on a restaurant (tokyo cafe - yummy place, just like the restaus in japan), i took the liberty to go to the one place i consider heaven in that mall - the skating rink. i went alone as my family waited to be seated. :) after envying and at the same time admiring the rink and the skaters, i felt my tummy grumble and decided to go back. i checked my celphone and saw my sister calling me. as i answered, a small bald guy (as in panot na pangit) approached me.

panot: miss, pwede makipagkilala sayo?
me: (look at him, keep walking while talking with achi)
panot: (follows me) miss, pwede makipagkilala sayo?
me: (put celphone in my bag and keep walking)
-i see a crowd and blend in. i come out of the crowd.-
panot: (appears from i-don't-know-where) miss, anong oras na?
me: (keep walking... fast-paced without looking back)
-i got to the restaurant, went in, sat down, and shuddered.-

the end.

talk about freaky.

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quote to share:

"Girls love to shop. But the only thing we're shopping for is PERMISSION."
-Cathy, the comic strip

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

places...

on a kalesa named Piolo (touring heritage village, vigan)


fort ilocandia (laoag)


paoay church (laoag tour)


saud beach (pagudpud tour)



cape bojeador light house (pagudpud tour)

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ever memorial cemetery...

nov. 1, '06 -- ever since angkong died, we've added a semi-family reunion every year - a trip to the cemtery. this year's his 4th death year, if i'm not mistaken. the candles have changed from white to yellow to red.. and and has stayed red for the past year.

gathered around angkong's mausoleum and, once again, bonded with cousins. talked about "arranged meetings" with my cousins and some guys and their reactions with it. ate a lot too... what with the food being served. yum! :) raven stayed with us too. his lola died last year (i think)... we talked about school stuff and what we were gonna do after. it was cool since raven actually got to see and meet my whole family. hehehe :) because of chit-chatting wtih my cousins and raven underthe sun, i got a sunburn. people go to the beach to get a tan; i go to the cemtery. go figure. hahaha :)

my nephews and nieces are growing up so quickly. they're fireballs that never run out of energy. :) they're really cute and charming. hehe.. :)

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to laoag and back...

went to laoag over the past weekend (nov. 2-5). stayed at fort ilocandia. the sister of fontana, i'd say the resort is a really lovely place. it was huge and the rooms were real comfy. shobe loved the pool there and swam for three consecutive afternoons - explains the tan she's got. (",) also had the chance to ride the ATV with shobe; the motor bike like vehicle that runs in the sand. imagine a movie scene - two people having fun riding while the wind pushed our hair back. fun fun fun... then the car tips over. the dust from the sand flies up and the elder girl rushes up to find the younger one. she sees the younger one and rushes to help her up. she sees the car tipped over and gas dripping from it. she pulls the hand of the younger one and runs for her life, predicting that the car will blow. they're covered with dust and the younger one is filled with shock. - that was what happened. :) well, i didn't run for my life though.. exaggerated that part :D it is a movie scene after all (",)

vigan... ilocos sur

toured vigan with a tour guide from fort ilocandia. there was max's fried chicken! wow! :) hahaha :) there was no dunkin donuts though, only mister donut. passed through heritage village, juan luna's museum, etc. also bough vigan longganisa.. heard it was good. :) hehehe :) haven't cooked it though. ilocos sur was a more historical place.

pagudpud... ilocos norte

the name was derived from pagod na at pudpud na ang paa. :) ilocos norte is the more nature-friendly and relaxing place. :) went to the light house that sir dennis told us about. cool place. :) loved the beach we went to - saud beach. :) clean water and white sand. :)

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family reunion (nov. 11)

it was angkong's birthday. went to golden fortune to celebrate. typical family reunion... ate and talked to cousins. :) the fun part was when one of my nieces approached me and played with me. her name's jamie. the thing is, she's the "mataray" type. she never even looked at me before. and that night, she played with me. :D imagine the smile i had on my face. :) hahaha :) moreover, she hugged me. she hugged me and planted a kiss on my cheek! :) wee!!!! :) even her dad, ahia james, was surprised. :) cute little girl jamie is... hope this 4-year-old girl won't forget me anytime soon :) wonder if she'll play with me still on the next fam reunion. hope she will :)

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though to share:

"don't blame the gun, blame the hand that pulled the trigger."
-direk jon red. indie film workshop. 11 nov 06.