fed up with myself.

that's all there is to explain.

-----------------------

message: (1857 - on the way home)

sorry a while ago... mood swings got the best of me. guess that's why God never gives me someone i can love freely. that might be my lesson to learn. sometimes, it's just easier to put to words how you feel. writing freely, hoping not to offend anyone. i don't know... stress and me just don't mix well. my pride just can't take the fact that other people's ideas and scripts will be used and glorified, even if there is no initiative to start things whatsoever. they get all the credit without knowing that i, too, am a seeker of attention. my pride consumes my all, leaving me with nothing... but hatred inside. lost in time, but not even willing to find another way out.

----------------------

i submitted three works to the shades of gray...wishing that even just one of my works would be published. the issue came out a while ago. my works weren't there. am i THAT BAD a writer?

----------------------

once again, i'm drowning. i see light and try to swim up. a force pushes me back down. i don't know how to swim. i gag. i run out of breath. i see a figure. my eyes widen. my vision blurs. my last word. YOU. i die.

----------------------

got mad at him last monday (11-20-06). he disappeared when we were ordering food from the caf. we were seated already. he came up behind me with a bag of cello's pillows. "peace offering 'to.. peace na tayo..." all smiles and enjoyment. he apologized and bought cello's without doing anything wrong. it was all me. my mood swings. my inconsideration. my inattentiveness. my insensitiveness. my fault. and he was the one who said sorry.

-----------------------

*conversations:

M: Can i go to...
A: No.
M: it's a friend's church concert.
A: No.
M: (silence)

M: ... and then A and B were.... then he gave me Cello's as a piece offering.
Y: who gave who?
M: he gave me.
Y: (silence)
M: (-_-) okay, change topic.