dialogue. LRT.

b: the only time we can be friends again is when i be with you and not fall for you all over again.
g: i agree. then let's make the impossible happen... just so we can be friends.

---------------------------

yesterday, i caused a commotion. the LRT stopped midway because of yours truly. wanna know why? umm, i fell down. hahahahaha :) i was standing in the middle and leaning on the wall (that had no handles!). the train jerked forward. i lost my balance. the next thing i knew, my butt was kissing the LRT floor. hahahaha :)

it was a really, really funny scenario. i guess the people were laughing inside. but of course, no one dared laugh in front of me. it was embarrassing... but it was more comedic than shameful. hahaha :) i even pushed the person beside me. good thing she got hold of a handle or something. so i was the only one on the floor. hahahaha :) hallelujah!

such funny lrt escapades. hahaha :)

guarded.

after all we've been through, almost all friends favor you.
i can't blame them for what they think and know.
since the words and stories all come from you.
i just hope that what they know is the truth.

they know you're side. only a few know mine.
you're the victim in our petty scene of crime.
it's rage and love all mixed together.
but yet they'll know my side never.

they don't ask. and you do tell.
you're the victim in this hell.
your friends leave me all behind.
aching with you, not knowing my side.

this is your story. this is your fame.
that i give you. for what i think sane.
this is my fault. that you want the world to know.
that i admit. now where do we go?

our friendship ruined. you say by me.
you say my fault. then fine, i agree.
you asked for time. i gave you none.
cuz if i did, the problems have again begun.

now you write so full of anger.
you wish me bad - the target of slaughter
the weird thing is, your words the world has read
all think of me as some sadist they want dead.

i give you that. you victim of our crime.
what you want. just not time.
yes, it's something i could spare but just don't want to
cuz again, if i do, i am sure to go back to you.

that can't happen. that you already know.
traditional culture - chinese and filipino.
you ask me to go f*ck myself. that's harsh.
coming from someone who used to give me his heart.

situations have changed. and so have we.
what you've proclaimed is how i be.
it's what people know; it's how people see me.
changes are constant; changes are free.

i see you in school. you have your ways.
all your friends hate me; all their eyes glazed.
i drop my head down, nervous to meet their gaze
see how much hatred you've put in this place?

what you want. i will now respect.
you tell me that what happened you regret.
it's up to you. but this i can say.
i will never regret the way i felt for you.

the way i loved you. maybe i still do.
it's something that will never change.
you wished you never fought for me.
and i must say. i fought for you till the end.

i fought until i couldn't anymore. that's my end.

behind the hatred lies a murderous desire for love.
what two things can you do with a broken jar?
life's a bitch. it can make and break you.
but yet we learn.

i love you. you know that. but we just can't be.
i read what you've written and it hurt me.
i know the situation. i'm aware of it all.
i guess losing you and our friends - that's my downfall.

almost everyone has turned their backs on me.
that's how i feel in school.
thanks to what you've written so clear.
f*cking clear to everyone i used to hold dear.

now you've succeeded in what you had wanted.
for me to hurt and suffer in pain.
now that you've got what you wanted.
are you happy?

but enough's enough.
time for me to be guarded.
i know you hurt. i hurt as well.
but the hurting can't continue.

i love you.
but i have to let you go.
from now on, it's your call.
if you want our friendship to remain.

now i must remind myself. i will be guarded.

why is it so freaking hard?

why is it so hard for me to do the right thing?

do i follow my heart or my mind?

when will i ever know the difference of right from wrong?

"i'm not used to living life without you..."

"i want you....but i can't have you..."

is this the way life should be?

sometimes, it's hard to have answers.

sometimes, it's hard not to have answers.

fate and faith are cruel at times.

life is cruel.

some people just can't understand what i'm going through. but they're the ones i need to follow.

m: you don't know what you want.
i: i know.
m: really now...then what do you want?
i: no, i meant that i know that i don't know what i want.

it sucks to be so familiar with one person.

you joke about things that only people who know each other for a long time can joke about.

familiarity can be so cruel too.

"i don't know what to do..."

me too.