meet mocha

meet mocha. cute, charming, and cuddly. :) given to me by someone who thinks i'll forget him when he goes to singapore. gosh, how right.. i need a stuffed toy to remind me that someone like him exists in this world. hmp. :) that's where he's wrong. :)
was supposed to name mocha after he who gave mocha to me but decided against it. if i did that, i'd have no nickname for him anymore. hahaha :) so, i gave vanilla (hannah's teddy) a counterpart. taa-daa... meet mocha :) cute, cute, cute. soft. cuddly. petite. lovable. huggable. kissable. did i mention cute? :) hahaha :)
"i chose him out of a zoo of animals shouting 'pick me!' and i told him to take care of you while i'm gone." so sweet. hehe :) i'd be a hypocrite if i said i wasn't expecting anything from him (he told me that he had a 'grand master plan!'), but actually seeing him get the blue magic bag out of his bag and giving it to me was different. it felt nice. hehehe :) ever since this term started, i've seen a different him. weird how i'd come to like him. most friends tell me that they expected it and stuff like that but i honestly didn't expect that i'd like him.

having said that now, there's THE problem i have to face once again. i don't know what'll happen tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. he told me that everything'll be all right as long as we're happy with each other. but is it true? i always question myself. will i be able to return everything he's giving me? will i be able to describe him as 'someone i love?' will i be able to be free with him? will the feeling of fear ever leave me? will i be able to feel what i want with him with people judging our every action? will i? questions that will never have positive answers.
i've asked hannah and rugin once about everything, about my feelings. yes, i'm really confused with how i feel right now. they just told me that i'd never be able to assert how i feel and feel the freedom of being loved and loved by this certain someone because of traditions. the ever-so-famous traditions that i never seem to get tired of trying to break. but of course, i always lose.