my letter to you...

tradition has always haunted me. for the past years, i've come to rebel against tradition. for me, it is forsaken. a curse and a blessing at the same time. i have fought against tradition a couple of times, and i have always lost.

with you, tradition was one big problem but you made it seem small. you told me once that as long as we enjoy each other's company, tradition will never get the best of us. it will always be there - a problem, a hindrance - but it will never destroy us. i believed in those words. i believed that i could do it. i knew that i would fight for what i deemed right.

but again, i have lost. i have lost the fight; i have failed. i know that these words will mean nothing to you. but saying it out beats storing it inside.

you once said that there were things that keep us apart... race and class were part of them. at first, i did not understand. or maybe i didn't want to understand. either way, i thought nonsense of it. but maybe you're assumptions were correct. you have always been the smarter one.

all i can say is that i'm not sorry with the decision i made. i know that i might be sorry in the future. but i live by the motto, "i will regret it greatly when the time comes." i know i will regret my decision but i also know that it is the right one to make.

i will always cherish what you and i have or had. our friendship means a lot to me. and i treasure it a lot. i don't want to lose you. that's for sure.

tradition will always be part of my life. i guess it is time i realize that. i cannot hide from it. so i won't. i cannot escape it. i might consider it a hindrance, but it is part of who i am.

i'm sorry for the pain. i guess that's all i can say.

i hope not much will change.

you will always have a place in my heart and my life. you know that.

i just hope to God that what i'm doing is right.