damsel in distress. feeling close.

every time i encounter problems, i run to people. i talk. i vent out my frustrations. lately, most of my problems seem to be linked to the highly innovative modern-age equipment - the computer. there are tons of different viruses, trojans, computer crashes, and what nots. my brain can only handle that much. being one of the computer literate people at work, my colleagues (who are mostly from the earlier generation) think me to be an expert on computer sicknesses. yes, an expert - and i don't even hold a degree of a computer related course. but heck, i was happy to be of help. and shockingly, i was able to help in a few ways. 

going back to me being problematic, i always run to friends when problems arise. take computer problems as an example. i run to two people when i encounter computer problems - two of my best guy friends. i wouldn't be able to have dealt with the PC problems if it weren't for them. anyway, i tend to freak out when i can't deal with a computer problem. so i text or call them and ask for their help. and with the many problems i have encountered, i believe that sometimes i have crossed the thin line between helping a friend and getting paid to do the job.

with that said, my insecure and inferior self comes to character. i ask myself if i am the only one who is, as we pinoys love to say, "feeling close" to them. that maybe they're just helping me so that i can stop bothering them. i know them to be introverts and too kind to say what they truly feel, and that doesn't help my insecurity one bit. maybe they think I'm too clingy or that i ask too many questions. 

this makes me realize that i can name a lot of times that i could have managed to solve the problem without bothering my friends. i could have tried clicking this button instead of calling for help. i could have done this first before texting. trying to analyze the problem would have been way better than feeling guilty for bothering someone afterwards. insecurity is hell, seriously. 

but then again, what usually happens to me is this: i get stuck in a problem. i call. i ask for help. i get answers or sometimes just chat on the phone with my friend (sometimes without actually getting a solution). i get back to the problem. i try clicking a button. it works. the routine usually goes like that. i start with being agitated 'cause i don't know what to do with the problem. and after talking to my friend, even if the topics we talk about are far from computers, i eventually solve the problem. it spells out w-e-i-r-d.

maybe i was a damsel in distress in another lifetime. locked up in a castle tower, i would call out for help and wait to be saved without knowing that the door (as in literally a door in the castle tower) that lead to my freedom was unlocked. ( -_- )