all on me.

cory aquino

2009-08-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

today was the funeral of our late president cory aquino. you could see posters and banners of cory aquino everywhere. everyone was in yellow and the whole nation was mourning her loss. she was an inspiration to the country, and the country owes a lot to her. personally, i don't know much about cory aquino except the fact that she led the country before and that she's the mother of TV personality kris aquino. during her funeral though, i became aware of the hundreds and millions of people who supported, idolized, and loved the late president. she was a hero to our country. and as her coffin was being paraded (i don't know if that's the correct term or not) to manila memorial, she brought unity to her countrymen once more. through their shouts of "tuloy ang laban" to chanting out her name, the nation became united again.

do you believe in destiny?

2009-06-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

May 2009 is a month that I will not be forgetting anytime soon. A month full of happiness, full of excitement, and full of enjoyment - this month was when I joined the Dynamic Youth Batch '98 tour to Taiwan.

Our batch was composed of 138 people from different parts of the Philippines whose ages ranged from 16-27. We met new friends not only from Manila, but also from different provinces (e.g. Davao, Cebu, Tarlac, Baguio, La Union, etc.). The 138 people who were going were divided into four (4) groups, for bus and tour guide arrangements. I was given the chance to become one of the officers of Group 2, alongside Jake, Eric, Michelle, Ann, David, and Erickson.

Group 2 was made up of 33 members. There were 3 of my friends who were from Tarlac; the rest were from different parts of the Metro. Our group's bond started during the weekly meets we had before we left for TW, not to mention the practices we had for the performances we were asked to perform. We were told that we had to perform four (4) times - once in Manila and thrice in Taiwan. Our group was lucky enough to have Tim who did a remix-medley of four songs put together as one. No one had any idea that there were certain events in TW that didn't allow us to perform the same song twice, and the medley was considered as one song. But that didn't hinder the group from creating new dance steps and belting out our vocal chords while we were touring (thanks to Andy, Cess, and Cissey - brilliant choreographers).

The experience we had from the minute we arrived in NAIA 1 on May 3 was undoubtedly something different, something special. Conversations flowed non-stop while waiting in the check-in lane, immigration line, and most especially, the waiting area. Unfamiliar faces became friends and the shyness we felt was replaced with our natural selves. When we reached Taiwan grounds, you could see smiles plastered on everyone's faces. Our eyes glistened with just the thought of 23 days of being with one another - freedom, frolic, and fun. We were a hundred different personalities waiting to explode and experience Taiwan by ourselves. What more could we ask for? :)

Each group was assigned four (4) tour guides, or 輔導員 as we call them. The four knowledgeable people who accompanied us throughout our stay in TW, with a few of them taking turns or alternating every now and then due to studies and personal reasons, were 小雞，小蛇，花花，and Richi. It's really amazing how they adjusted easily to us, considering that there was a language barrier. Our Mandarin sucked for the most part. Good thing Michelle was there to translate pretty much everything to us. But in fairness to the group our Mandarin improved a whole lot by the time we were coming back to the Philippines. And in fairness to our tour guides, they learned a few Tagalog and English words from the group (bobo, tanga, and bully being their favorites). Ü

The goup traveled the whole of Taiwan, staying for just one night in certain places. We became experts in packing our duffel bags overnight and squishing our pasalubongs just so we didn't have to carry a lot of plastic bags. Our muscles were toned as well, since the organizers figured that the girls had to be put at the higher floor (compared to the guys) when there were no elevators around. Think carrying our duffel bags up 5 flights of stairs (>_<). There were times when the elevators were so packed that we'd rather drag our bags upstairs. Lucky for us chivalry still existed for some guys; they carried our bags for us. Yay :) Food in Taiwan is also something to look forward to. The articles of food that can be found in the night market is simply heaven on earth. Our favorites would have to be 鸡排 and 奶茶. Night market food was our satisfaction after daily dosages of congee and egg. We've had egg every single day of our 23-day stay in TW, seriously. And as if the egg being served to us was not enough, we just had to look for the adobong egg being sold in the night markets. :) The adobong egg is certaily a must-try. And just for the heck of it, Karen, Jacq, Michelle, and I bought a box of eggs for our midnight snack one night. 4 eggs a person plus the eggs we ate during our meals. ( -_- ') Go figure.

It's almost one month past our Taiwan journey. It was on May 23 when our Taiwan journey came to an end. I would say that all the members of our group experiences his or her own versions of separation anxiety from each other. We'd text each other and meet up till we all pretty much settled back into our normal, routinary lives. We still meet up every now and then, which is good. Every time I think of Taiwan, I feel a pang of uncertainty and sadness.. wishing that the 23 days could go on forever - worry free and pure fun. But there is a limit to everything. Through our Taiwan experience, friendships have remained; our experiences and journeys as individuals and as a group still continue to unravel. Our stay in Taiwan may have just been for three weeks, but the emotions and relationships that were formed will certainly stay with each and every member of Dynamic Youth Batch '98 forever.
Just to add to the experience I had, here is the speech I delivered during our farewell party in Taiwan:

SPEECH：GROUP 2 - ENGLISH

Do you believe in destiny? The whole lot of us was destined to cross paths and experience this whole Taiwan journey together. One hundred different personalities; four groups; and twenty-one days – all of which sum up to one even which fate has brought upon us.

Each group has its own uniqueness and unforgettable moments that make every member laugh out loud, treasure the experience, and feel that we are indeed one team. The whole Group 2 journey started on that eventful day when the choice of which group to join had to be made. Bonding sessions over coffee and pao mi contributed a lot to the group’s tightness, but it was the practices we had for the performances that really brought us together, simply because it was through these sessions that the group was able to showcase different talents and leadership skills.

Over the past few weeks, the group has gone through ups and downs. One of the challenges we faced as a group was internal conflicts brought about by personality differences. We had to learn to give and take in certain situations and accept each other’s opinions. Another difficulty was communicating with our 辅导员s. Being Chinoys, Mandarin isn’t our native language and the adjustment period was a rather tedious and nerve-wracking process. It took a lot of effort on both sides; but in the end, it was through these nosebleed moments that our group was able to connect and make use of the Chinese language in our own easy, even in the art of traffic enforcing. (Insert shouts from group members: 慢来；安全；自己人；As in, 现在).

With the guidance and help of Achi Grace, Achi Dada, Achi Lucy, and Ahia Johnson, we know that no matter how many challenges the group will have to face, we will still end up the way a group should be – happily bonded.

We would also like to acknowledge our 辅导员s. On this trip, they have put our best interests first before everything else. They have offered not only their knowledge but also their frien

dship to us. Our relationship with our 辅导员s is a unique mesh of cultures leading to a wonderful journey that will continue to unfold.

To end my speech, there is one main thing I can say about all four groups - about our group - and that is that throughout our whole 21 day stay in Taiwan, we bonded. We bonded when we had our 3:45am call time to 阿里山. We bonded when we exchanged hi’s and hello’s during our bus stopovers (CR breaks). We bonded because at certain moments in our Taiwan trip, we all shared the same emotions and experiences together – as Dynamic Youth Batch ’98.

A hundred different faces, a hundred different personalities, a hundred different stories - this Taiwan trip has given us experiences to look back at, relationships to treasure, and moments that will last forever. Now tell me, do you believe in destiny?

funny dream :)

2009-03-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

i love having dreams - the weirder the better, the more i can analyze, the more i can remember. some dreams can be as simple while some can be very complex. but they still are dreams nonetheless.

my dreams usually involve chasing - with me as the person being chased. i guess it would do me good if i dreamt of guys or things i want chasing me, but no, i had to have the more scary things chase me - snakes, for instance. dream interpratation books say that when you dream of a snake chasing you, and you manage to catch the snake in the end, fortune and luck is on their way to find you. till now, i wonder when my luck and fortune will find its way to me.

anyways, i had a dream last night. and as some dreams occur, my dream last night was the continuation of a dream i had a couple of nights ago. you know how we dream of certain places or people over and over again without truly knowing who or what they are? well, my dream was like that. but instead of a person or a place, my dream involved a shirt. yes, a shirt - white dress-like shirt with a black vest (i'm not sure if the vest was stitched on the shirt or not). but anyways, a shirt.

my dream a couple of days ago was that i was with a friend (can't remember who). we entered a vintage-like shop and i saw the shirt. i completely fell in love with that shirt and i just couldn't get my mind off it. but being me, i had to "think it over" before i bought the shirt. so, i didn't buy it. and that was the end of the dream.

but lo and behold, because last night i was at the same vintage-like shop again, with the same friend (who i still can't seem to remember), and still looking at the same shirt. but this time around, i bought it.

simple as that. that was my dream. :) i love having dreams, and it still amazes me how dreams always manage to put a smile on my face. though some dreams can be terrifying or intense, they are still dreams. and i still love having them. though there are times when i can't remember the dream i had (though i knew that i had a dream) when i wake up.... i just wish there were a machine of some sort to record the dreams people have. :)

oh, and i did buy another shirt and a pair of pants along with "the" shirt i dreamt about :) hahahaha :)

P.B.B.

2009-03-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

To honor the hype of reality TV shows nowadays, and just to satisfy our curiosity, I, along with my friend, lined up last Friday (Feb. 27, 2009) for the Pinoy Big Brother Season 3 auditions.

The auditions started at 9am, but we arrived a bit after 12 noon. I don't think we would have arrived that late had we foreseen the army of people who were going to audition as well. If you are familiar with the places at the ABS-CBN compound, then you would know the length of the line when I say that the line was from the PBB House to the block after Pier One (near ABS-CBN). And need I tell you that it was scorching hot, literally. You could feel the sun's rays piercing your skin. If we thought we arrived late, then the army of people lined up behind us must have thought we were the early birds.

We lined up for appromixately four excruciatingly hot hours. Too bad we didn't get to actually audition since our line got cut off when we were, might I say, around 5-10 minutes away from the house itself. But it was actually fun seeing the different kinds of people who lined up along with us. There were two gays in front of us who seemed to be having the time of their lives, meeting new friends and telling funny stories about their previous experiences. I overheard one telling the other that this season's line was by far the longest (compared to the first two seasons). And the other one was telling his newfound friends about how he reacts when people mistake him to be Chocoleit, an actor. Other than the two gays, there was a girl in front of us who couldn't seem to let go of her umbrella. Her umbrella almost hit my eye for a couple of times, until I became an expert at ducking. Two guys, also in front of us, were all hair and glamour - restyling their hair every ten or twenty minutes with the hair wax they brought along. We also saw a guy who we guessed to be half-albino. He was seriously way too white. And I believe that the tinderas were happy that their mineral water stock was, more or less, sold out. There were even people selling lumpia, mais, ice candy, and more choices of food.

The line was moving really slowly for the first hour or so. I was happy to see the line move extremely fast when we were about to reach the house. My happiness was soon replaced with a bit of sadness when we heard people shouting that auditions were over and that it was time to go home. The last I saw of the two gays were them charging towards the platform (though the platform was still a bit far from where we were standing). I didn't see where the umbrella girl went, as well as the two glamour boys. But I did see a girl beside me who touched my shoulder and exclaimed, "Kim Chiu?!" hahahaha :) And that was the end of the day for me.

I called my friend who was lost somewhere in the crowd. We went to Banapple for late lunch or early dinner, and we talked about a few stuff.

It is true that it's a shame we didn't get to be auditioned, and that we didn't even get the chance to reach the house. But the experience itself - lining up and all that jazz - was fun. :)

And the news reportedly mentioned that there were approximately 12,000 people who lined up for PBB that day.

BARE, the musical

2009-02-23T14:14:00.000-08:00

Staged by ADMU'S Blue Repertory, I have only praises and admiration for the cast and crew who brought this production to stage. BARE the musical tackles the issues of homosexuality, religion, and love - three ingredients that contribute a lot to the success of the play.

I watched the musical last Saturday (Feb. 21, 2009) with my sister, her friend, and my cousin. I think my cousin, who is around 3 or 4 years my junior, was shocked out of her wits with the play. She's currently a high school student in a pretty conservative school, so imagine her horror when she had two guys and a couple making out on the stage in front of her. It was definitely an eye opener for her, at least she won't be as shocked as she was when she enters college. :)

To summarize the musical, the story revolved around Jason and Peter. Jason was the guy in school who was most likely to snag the "Most Popular" award while Peter was the quiet, intelligent, and boy-next-door guy whom everyone adored. The two main characters deal with their emotions- their love for one another, - their sexuality - if they were gay and why they were feeling that way towards one another, - and their religion - if it was a sin to God that they were feeling that way.

To help them deal with a really confusing state of their lives would be Sister Chantelle, the church priest, and of course, their friends. However, as much help as the people mentioned give, they also become part of the issue and generate their own problems with the boys, adding more chaos to the already chaotic world of Jason and Peter.

BARE the musical is certainly a must-watch. The production not only entertains you, but it also serves as an eye-opener to the realities of the world we live in.

Personally, my favorite character would be Peter - the naive A-student who battles with his emotions and sexuality. He has this innocence and sincerity that make people want to reach out to him. The audience witness his emotions as he, the altar boy of the school of St. Cecilia, is battling with his sexuality. It doesn't help the situation that his significant other, Jason, is the star of the school and the heart throb of the girls. He tries to confess his realizations to his mom, but his mom shuts him out. Unsure of everything, he asks God for guidance. The most heartfelt performance that Peter gives out in this production is his love for Jason - pure, innocent, and unharming.

I bow down to Bibbo Reyes, the actor who has done a splendid job portraying the character of Peter. And he is truly one gifted actor, having the voice and face of an angel. With his singing voice alone, he can catch the attention of all the viewers and leave them wanting for more.

Another favorite of mine would be the actor who was casted as Matt. Not only was he good, but he certainly topped my 1-10 scale of "guys who are cute." :)

My one and only comment for this production was that some lines and words weren't that clear to the audience. A few funny lines were not heard clearly; thus, making the comedic intent sayang.

But overall, kudos to ADMU's Blue Rep for staging such a controversial play. I admire the cast and crew for their bravery, artistry, and open-mindedness.

Kudos. Blue Rep's hard work paid off real well. :)

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Just something to share:

INT. MALL ELEVATOR. NIGHT.

Girl 1: Gusto ko panoorin yung Push. Alam mo ba kung tungkol saan yun?
Girl 2: Ah yung Push. Parang Twilight.
Girl 1: Twilight? So madami din siyang BamFires?

( -_- ')

damsel in distress. feeling close.

2009-01-07T00:33:00.000-08:00

every time i encounter problems, i run to people. i talk. i vent out my frustrations. lately, most of my problems seem to be linked to the highly innovative modern-age equipment - the computer. there are tons of different viruses, trojans, computer crashes, and what nots. my brain can only handle that much. being one of the computer literate people at work, my colleagues (who are mostly from the earlier generation) think me to be an expert on computer sicknesses. yes, an expert - and i don't even hold a degree of a computer related course. but heck, i was happy to be of help. and shockingly, i was able to help in a few ways.

going back to me being problematic, i always run to friends when problems arise. take computer problems as an example. i run to two people when i encounter computer problems - two of my best guy friends. i wouldn't be able to have dealt with the PC problems if it weren't for them. anyway, i tend to freak out when i can't deal with a computer problem. so i text or call them and ask for their help. and with the many problems i have encountered, i believe that sometimes i have crossed the thin line between helping a friend and getting paid to do the job.

with that said, my insecure and inferior self comes to character. i ask myself if i am the only one who is, as we pinoys love to say, "feeling close" to them. that maybe they're just helping me so that i can stop bothering them. i know them to be introverts and too kind to say what they truly feel, and that doesn't help my insecurity one bit. maybe they think I'm too clingy or that i ask too many questions.

this makes me realize that i can name a lot of times that i could have managed to solve the problem without bothering my friends. i could have tried clicking this button instead of calling for help. i could have done this first before texting. trying to analyze the problem would have been way better than feeling guilty for bothering someone afterwards. insecurity is hell, seriously.

but then again, what usually happens to me is this: i get stuck in a problem. i call. i ask for help. i get answers or sometimes just chat on the phone with my friend (sometimes without actually getting a solution). i get back to the problem. i try clicking a button. it works. the routine usually goes like that. i start with being agitated 'cause i don't know what to do with the problem. and after talking to my friend, even if the topics we talk about are far from computers, i eventually solve the problem. it spells out w-e-i-r-d.

maybe i was a damsel in distress in another lifetime. locked up in a castle tower, i would call out for help and wait to be saved without knowing that the door (as in literally a door in the castle tower) that lead to my freedom was unlocked. ( -_- )

rewind.

2008-11-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

rewind on the two memorable things that happened for the past couple of days... or weeks... :)

1. BARISTA day for me (one Saturday in October)

- my aunt opened her very own coffee shop, Cafe Belly Rocks, somewhere near robinson's galleria. the cafe is located inside the corinthian regency building at sapphire road. it was our (me, my mom, and 2 sisters) first time to go to their shop, so we brought a business good luck charm for them to display in their store. :) the cafe was closed that day, but since my aunt heard we were going, she opened the doors for us. and it was then that i became a barista for an hour or two. :)

my aunt taught me how to make cafe americano, cafe moccha, vanilla smoothie, and nai cha :) my favorite was the nai cha. and i highly recommend the nai cha to the people who will visit my aunt's coffee shop :) it's super delicious. anyways, it was fun. i got the chance to know how being a barista felt like. though i wouldn't know how serving customers esp. during rush hour feels like, it was thrilling to be standing behind the counter and making coffee. one of the fun parts was putting whipped cream on a finished coffee drink. i liked squirting the silver can and hear the "poot-poot-poot* since 'cuz the can was almost empty :)

cafe belly rocks sells a wide variety of drinks - from coffee to smoothies to tea :) the shop also sells dishes like pasta, rice, sandwiches, and the like :) it's an affordable place to go to :) and i guarantee you that the nai cha (milk tea) is a MUST, MUST, MUST try! :)

cafe belly rocks - ground floor of corinthian regency building (the first shop on the left when you enter the building). sapphire road. just across robinson galleria's gold's gym. :)

as the name itself proclaims, cafe belly ROCKS! :D

--------------------------------------------------

2. UHSAAI funfest (november 9, 2008)

-the UHS alumni association decided to have an alumni funfest, which was a totally great idea! kudos to the people who organized the whole event. they deserve so much more than a grand round of applause. :)

the challenge for this funfest was to actually get people to join our team (the 'o4 team/gray team). since the '04 batch was split into two teams, our team ('04 team) and the other team ('04-'05 team), we had to look for more people who were free that day and who wanted to join our team. :) in the end, our team had around 20-22 members. 20 (i think) from our batch, and one '03er and one '05er. :)

before arriving at UHS, i met up with michie, fen, lou, and jo at wai ying, benavidez. my sister decided to tag along so i had the sister-responsibility of taking care of her. after lunch, we headed to UHS (as usual, late). we registered, got our shirts, reunited with a few many friends, and waited for the games to begin! :) it was really fun being back at my high school again. it was fun reminiscing the times well spent in that gymnasium - deco com, events, P.E., CAT, intrams, tiong lian.. all those memories in just one place - magical. :)

i got to play 2 games - tshirt relay game and the paper suck-up game. it was pure fun and enjoyment. :) there were 8 games or so, and it was fun cheering our team on. it felt nice to feel so united once again. so much energy and laughter coming from our team. i'd have to say we might've been the noisiest team in the whole gym. :) but we didn't care even if we looked like fools cheering our team on like crazy, 'cause we were united. and we were having FUN :)

and it looked like our team did great! we won the UHSAAI funfest competition! :) we garnered first place :) it was really unexpected and really joyous! hahaha :) and we got cash! and we didn't even spend a dime! how cool is that?! :)

i love my batch :)

just-want-to-write-even-though-it's-nonsense entry

2008-10-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

people love a good drama. teleseryes get high ratings because of these dramas. drama becomes a part of our life. or shouldn't i say that our life is one big drama?

drama. when asked the definition, some people would say that drama is a genre that cannot go without a box of Kleenex. others would define drama as life. yes, indeed. life is full of drama. to quote Shakespeare, "the whole world is a stage, and all the men are its actors." so with the help of a little A=B, B=C; thus A=C logic, the life we live in = drama.

however, there are times that we forget which came first - life or drama. or are the two things just really interconnected and take the form of a circle (with no beginning and no end). the chicken-and-the-egg question never really got a decent answer, so i'm guessing this foolish question won't get its fair share of debates as well. the world/life has just never been fair, has it?

some people take drama too seriously - be it in TV, books or movies. i am guilty of that crime. i tend to engulf myself in their make-believe or oh-it-seems-so-real world and that makes it twice as hard to get my head and feet back to OUR reality. then, when i feel that my life is starting to get boring (though now that i think about it, it isn't often), i do my own drama. i have my own versions of being a drama queen - oh-so-happy-i-feel-like-i'm-drugged me, laugh-like-it's-your-last-day-even-if-everyone's-giving-me-that-you're-crazy-look me, razor-sharp-dagger-look me, and a whole lot of other me's - and doing a version of myself (any version actually) gives me the drama in life.

but i forget that i shouldn't be the one making drama in my life. drama is an inevitable factor in life. we don't make drama in life; life makes drama for us. life is meant to be enjoyed and looked forward to. i guess what i'm trying to say is that there are times that we should just let life take its course. i repeat, there are just TIMES when we need to let life take its own course, NOT all the time. becuase sometimes, when we let life do its thing, we get wonderful, unexpected results.

and quoting my friend, it's better to "expect the worst, and hope for the best." :)

freeze the moment

2008-09-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

so... this is it. this it where it all must end.

a smile so bittersweet, a heart ache that crushes my whole soul.

i said good-bye with the hope that we will one day reconcile. stupid, i know. why let go in the first place, right? why not just fight all the way? it's probably because i couldn't take it anymore. the comments, the hatred, reality - it was eating me alive. but i still had hope. i had faith.

but i guess this is time for reality to sink in. i knew that you would be able to find someone new - someone better, someone who would take care of you and love you. i always knew that. but it hurt when i saw the reality of it all - pictures. you hugging her and vice versa. it stung. i have to admit. the both of you being so close together. there was a quote that once said, "you know that you love a person when the thought of him being with someone else is enough to break your heart." the quote was well said. those pictures were enough to be my downfall.

but i guess it was a must - for me to see those pictures. so that i can get on with my life. as you have gotten on with yours. honestly, i was ready for it. the knowledge that one day, you were going to find someone else. i was ready. i just don't know why i broke down last night, after seeing those pictures. i knew it would happen, then why the hurt and the pain?

silly, i know. i was the one who let go. i guess now i can say that the saying i've always kept in mind - what i decide will be my fate, and whatever happens, my decision will be mine to regret. - has come to life. but frankly, i don't regret my decision. because i know that it was the right thing to do - to stop people from breathing down our, or should i say my, neck(s).

it's a frustrating situation. it's a frustrating thing to fall in love. and through this relationship i had, i can say one thing : love is truly a fragile thing.

always and forever, i guess. be it together or apart. memories are forever. freeze the moment when good memories come to mind. and smile.

it's time to move on.

and i'm saying this with true sincerity : i'm happy for you. i'm glad that you've found someone else. and i will keep praying for you.

HK. august 23-25, 2008

2008-08-27T13:08:00.000-07:00

as the typhoon lifted in manila on august 21, it traveled to Hong Kong on august 22; thus, canceling our flight and postponing it till further notice. our 4 day-3 night stay turned into a 3 night-2 day stay at the marco polo hongkong hotel.

as if having our trip lessened by one day wasn't disastrous enough, i just had to slip on the bathroom floor and hit the wall face-first. so, the whole time i was in HK (till now actually), i bear an evidence of what happened the night before i left for HK - a black eye.

when we reached naia 2, the lady in the check-in counter was nice enough to ask a guy to escort me to their clinic to issue a quarantine clearance letter for my eye.

august 23, 2008 - arrived at HK approx. 10am. walked around harbour city while waiting for our room. ate lunch at the food court. took the ferry to central ifc mall to meet up with gilbert and emma.
walked around central a bit and ended up staying at fairwood for the rest of the afternoon. it was pretty cool listening to gilbert, emma, and achi's conversation - the language shifted from english to mandarin to cantonese to japanese. it was pretty awe-inspiring to listen to them juggle from one language to another.

we walked emma to her bus stop. gilbert rode the bus with us back to tsim sha tsui. then we headed off to temple st., ladies' market, mongkok. it was actually my first time to go to HK's night market, so it was a thrilling experience. i enjoyed looking at tables that were scattered in the streets, just like the ones we see in TV series.

august 24, 2008 - achi, gilbert, and emma went to lantau to meet some of emma's colleagues. i asked to be left behind. instead, i joined the half-day city tour. we went to aberdeen court (jumbo floating restaurant), victoria's peak, and a jewelry shop called JC. after the tour, bryan (our tour guide) and i got off granville st., as the bus and my other tour mates were going to HK disneyland. bryan left me at a corner since he still had to go to his office and gave me directions on how to go back to the hotel. but being someone who is bad with directions, i THINK i turned right when he mentioned left, or something like that. but i ended up in a street full of stores, and that made me one happy camper. :)
brands such as bossini, giordano, g2000, and levis are a must-by when you go to HK. they're cheaper compared to the PI. :)
after my shopping spree, i took my time and went to central via ferry. i wanted to have a glimpse of what HK sundays looked like. there were two bridges that connected the landmark to the central ferry station, bus stations, etc. but what really caught my eye was that the bridge i was walking across was diverse - americans, chinese, indians, etc. - while the other bridge was, lo and behold, filled with filipinos. i crossed over to the other bridge, just out of curiosity, and saw that there were PNB stalls, lottery tickets on sale, and even piolo pascual's poster was there. the place was surrounded by filipinos. it was packed. so that's how the OFW's spend there sunday afternoons in HK. :)
achi and gilbert came back to the hotel at 7:30pm. achi bought food from the food court while gil and i watched the closing ceremonies of the beijing olympics 2008. i'm so proud of china :) hee hee :)

august 25, 2008 - ate breakfast at sweet dynasty. checked out of the hotel and went to causeway bay to meet up with gil. walked around for a while and had lunch at east lake (yam cha). went to sogo and bought some stuff. we had to leave at 4pm, and so we parted ways with gil at the causeway bay MTR station. *sniff sniff* waited for the airport shuttle at the hotel and left HK at 9pm.

twilight

2008-08-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

the last time i had this feeling was when i read harry potter. the feeling of wanting something more from life. the feeling of confusion. the feeling of fear. fear from growing old, i guess. this is how much novels, or should i say storybooks, like harry potter and most recently, the twilight series affect me after reading them.

i never expected that a novel about a vampire and a human falling in love would give me this feeling. i would guess that i feel awed by the passion and love they edward and bella have for each other. maybe also by the way edward is described in the novel - a vampire so close to perfection that his flaws can easily be overlooked. and bella - an independent teenage girl who has the willpower and motivation that can fill up a whole auditorium. i may be feeling this way 'cause of the whole scenario. edward coming to the rescue every time bella needs him. or edward being able to sneak in bella's room without ever being caught. yet the love story was still between a vampire and a human. it was flawed in every way possible, but it was perfect the way it is.

then comes the comparison between the characters' edward and bella, romeo and juliet. star-crossed lovers. an impossible love. the difference there, though, was that romeo and juliet were against the laws of tradition and family. yet edward and bella were going against the laws of nature.

another emotion i had to deal with was that of immortality and mortality. you see, i've never really gotten over "tuck everlasting." immortality is honestly such a beautiful thing to offer. imagine, not having to rush yourself into things. having all the time in the world. what more if you the people you love were also immortal. is there any other reason to shy away from immortality?

the issue on immortality would then lead to fear of growing old. yes, i am scared of growing old. i see myself not having enough time to do all the things i want to do. one of my fellow plurkers mentioned that, "maybe you shouldn't desire so much, then you wouldn't have the need and want to do so much." then maybe the fear of growing old would subside.

the feeling i'm having right now is a feeling no words can describe. it's a mixture of confusion, excitement, fear, and so much more. it's a feeling i don't like having yet i welcome the experience of having it.

.... or maybe it's just my time of the month. i will never know.

there was an e-mail that was sent to me - full of love quotes from movies. here was one of the lines that caught my eye.

I would rather have had
One breath of her hair,
One kiss from her mouth,
One touch of her hand,
Than an eternity without it. ---CITY OF ANGELS

maybe i just have to wait for the fourth and fifth book of the twilight series. maybe then would my qualms would be at ease. :)

i am seriously so hungover the book. hahahaha :)plus, the movie will be coming out on dec. 12 this year! yay! :)

the thing with good books such as twilight is that the author pulls you into their world - so perfect, so magical, so hypnotic - it makes it more difficult to come back to reality.

*photos taken from flicker.com/littlebrownbooks and imdb.com

2008 bejing olympics

2008-08-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

breath-taking. awe-inspiring. fantastic. the 2008 beijing olympics surely rocked the world! to quote yahoo! sports columnist Charles Robinson, " Friday’s Opening Ceremony was one of the few moments in the fantastical world of sports when superlatives had no shot." it was one of china's most defining moments. it was certainly a major historical event - one that would stay in the hearts of viewers for a very, very long time.

after watching the Beijing Olympics opening, i couldn't help but feel PROUD to be Chinese. the opening showed the world how much love the Chinese have for their country, esp. during the singing of the national anthem. nothing can surpass the emotion and goosebumps i got when i witnessed the whole stadium (the Chinese, at least) singing the national anthem. the program when they had hundreds or thousands of men beating the drums was so good that no word can describe the amazement i felt. they were all so synchronized, so disciplined, so forceful. i wonder how long they trained for that program. heck, i wonder HOW they trained SO MANY people for that program. and the movements were SO synchronized. it was just purely amazing.

all the programs were certainly breath-taking. to me, it seemed as if they turned scenes from movies (curse of the golden flower, hero to name a few) into live sets. and the number of people. WOW! would be an understatement.

the lighting of the torch was a program by itself. it was unexpected, really. i bet everyone was gripping their seats for the lighting of the torch moment. everyone expected to see something grand. but no one would've expected the moment to be THAT grand. it was WOW to the tenth power. esp. when they asked an Olympics gold-medal holder to be the one to light the torch, it added to the sentimental aspect of the program. more so that they asked the middle-aged man to run in air while being "flown" to the Olympic torch.

as i've said, this event is a monumental one. and i certainly hope that it will stay in the hearts of the people forever. i have never been more proud to be Chinese. seriously. so much love for their country. so much discipline. so fantastic.
certainly, no words can explain the awe i am feeling right now after seeing the 2008 Beijing Olympics opening.

*photos were taken from yahoo! web sites (AP photos)

heart or mind?

2008-08-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

to quote what my friend, jon, posted on his multiply blog.

"Love is patient
love is kind
love is not jealous
love is not rude
love keeps no record of being wronged
love never gives up
love never loses faith
love is always hopeful
love endures

many would say this...but to me

Love is the thing that will let you do all of this even if you have all the reason not to..."

'nuff said.

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are you a heart person or a mind person? i asked this question to my friends in plurk and mostly got "i'm a mind person" answers. what surprised me, however, was the way they explained themselves, and weighed the pros and cons of being heart/mind people.

what i love about the conversation we had was the irony of it all. one of my friends said he believes that we all are heart people, and that some people get hurt enough to force themselves to become mind people.

heart people are more instictive. more spontaneous. more prone to get hurt. they make decisions based on what they think will make them happy, not bothering to stop and see the consequences. they live each moment as if it were their last, and try to inhale and share all the happiness in the world. heart people are more carefree. they love surprises. these people are often labeled as hopeless romantics. they share their optimism with the whole world and always look for their "happily-ever-afters."

however, heart people are more prone to getting hurt. and when they do, it becomes their downfall. their push into the pit of doom and self-pity. when this happens, most heart people think that the world is against them; therefore, they seek desperately for someone who will take their side (no matter what the reason/situation). they tend to be more clingy and pour out their souls to their friends.

mind people are more logical. more careful. more serious. they tend to calculate each move they make. they think before they act. it's usually the mind people who know how to deal with bullshit world. they're less likely to be tricked. and usually turn out to become the successful people in this world. they make decisions based on reason and know the consequences that lie ahead. they know what they're putting themselves into and are prepared for whatever outcome a certain situation gives.

but it doesn't mean that mind people enjoy life less than heart people. it's just that mind people are more practical. more realistic. more careful, as i must say.

i said: you need to be a mind person to be able to survive in this world.
he said: you need to be a heart person to be able to live happily in this world.

mind people think. they analyze. they always come prepared.
heart people feel. they act. they are filled with emotion.

it's kind of cool how we classify people in different ways. but in the end, we're all just one big, happy family. :)

substitutes.

2008-08-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

thing is... i thought it was over. most of it anyway.

you ever get the feeling that something will just go away when you don't need to deal with it every day anymore?

like college friends. you become close with them during your college days. they become the people you trust the most. you come to think that you guys understand one another... to the core of each other's personalities. but when you graduate, does that hard core relationship still remain? that's when you realize the importance of high school friends.

to quote kirsten dunst in elizabeth town, "we're the substitute people."

a group of friends. a lover. a tradition. i thought it was over. but when i saw the pictures of you and your group of college friends... it was different. given our situation, i knew that even if i wanted to... even if we were still together, i wouldn't be part of the pictures anyway... because i wouldn't be allowed to go.

i though that maybe... just maybe... if i let on with my life... if i found comfort within my high school friends... i would forget.

maybe that's it. i should just go on with my life. like you have done yours (i hope...) though even the thought of you with another girl is honestly enough to be my downfall.

we're the substitute people. everyone/everything is. college friends become the substitute for high school friends. laughter becomes the substitute for pain. acceptance becomes the substitute for demise.

i thought not knowing what went on with the lives of my friends in college would be the answer to it all. they were the ones who knew you after all. who knew us. and our relationship. maybe... if i didn't see pictures, i wouldn't be able admit to myself that you were leading a life without me.

i have to let go. i know. it's just how it should be. after what i've done, i don't see any reason why you should gamble your love with me again.

we're the substitute people. all of us are substitutes. all of us are substituted. but how about you? can your place even be substituted?

quirks of working in a family business

2008-07-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

1. you have to smile and be nice to the people you work with, even when you're about to explode. not just because they're your bosses, but because you guys are blood related.
2. you become the official runner of the office - because you're new and you're the youngest, the latter being the reason that carries more weight.
3. you don't have anyone your age you can talk to. you do exchange a few stories with the secretaries, but hierarchy is still being practiced.
4. you are left looking stupid when you don't know the answers to certain questions. (e.g. which copy is ours? the pink one or the yellow one?)
5. you are left looking even more stupid when you're talking to someone who uses business abbreviations. (e.g. CM - Credit Memo... aaaah, so that's what CM stands for -_-)
6. you're stuck in the office.
7. the topic "business and office" is the topic you discuss both in the office and at home.
8. you master the art of filing and photocopying. and yes, cleaning your desk.
9. you become an expert at self-pity.
10. look at #1.

there are a ton of advantages when you're working at your family business. believe me, there are lots of advantages. and i'm just really blind to those advantages right now. but maybe that'll be the topic for another entry, when i'm actually feeling glorious about working a desk job.

right now, i just want to rant.

as a fan of lea salonga.

2008-07-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

as my self-proclaimed break at the office in the afternoon was coming to an end, something caught my attention: the Inquirer scattered on the table with Lea Salonga's picture on the upper left side of the page.

being an avid fan of one of the most successful theater actresses (in the history of theater), i just had to take a couple more minutes to read the article about the Lea Salonga. It so happens that instead of Lea Salonga being written about, she was THE ONE WRITING the article.

After reading her article, I felt happy. Seriously. I was inspired. I can't believe that I'm actually going to say this, but yes, reading the newspaper inspired me. It was just a simple article actually. But as a fan of hers, it was special. :)

More so that she stated that she might be contributing a few of her personal stories, that meant a simple glimpse into her theater life. And honestly, I miss the stage. I miss theater. I guess the thought of going to be able to experience the theater world, even if it is through Lea's words (and experiences), would somehow bring a bit of comfort to my soul. :)

As the saying goes, "Once a theater person, always a theater person." :)

I actually think Inquirer made a splendid choice in asking Lea Salonga to write. And I do look forward to the weekly columns yet to come. :)

*photo from http://www.broadwayworld.com/columnpic/as.salonga.jpg

fear of growing up.

2008-05-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

today is the 5th day. still no word from you. i don't know what's happened to you. you don't reply or answer my calls. it's like you just vanished from the face of the earth. even your friends don't know where you are. or maybe they do, and they just won't tell me. they say that maybe you left town, maybe even the country. maybe you did. but why didn't you tell anyone? what happened to you? where are you?

i was thinking a while ago. we've gone through so much. so many ups and downs. so many obstacles. and yet we're back to square one. it made me wonder. where you ever really there? maybe i just imagined you? maybe i just brought you to life with my imagination? you and your friends... maybe you don't really exist. or maybe i don't exist.

maybe i was blinded by the idea of love and falling in love. could it be... that i actually dreamed you up? it can't be. you're real. i know it. i spent years talking to you and laughing with you. but why can't i feel you now? i don't know where you are. i don't have the faintest clue as to where you are. i don't know who you're with. you're not answering my texts or my calls. where are you?

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i haven't been a good friend to my friends these months either. it's as if i distanced myself from them. i don't even know if it's what i want or not. maybe this is what happens when people grow up. they grow detached from one another. maybe this is part of growing up. am i growing up? but i still feel that i have the mind of a 15-year old. but am i actually growing up?

i've complained and hated my job for the past few months. but now, it feels okay. maybe because i've somehow adjusted to my workplace and co-workers. or maybe 'cause i know that this is my destiny. this is what has been planned for me. and i know that i have no way out. but am i actually growing up? am i actually learning to understand responsibility? am i actually, god forbid, enjoying my work? am i turning into those people i used to describe as boring?
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i still have my plans in life. finish a script and direct a movie. yes, they still are part of my life's goals. but maybe i should set "the youngest director to win an oscar" aside for now :) i still have plans. and i do plan to achieve them. live in another country, maybe. but the thought of it scares me too. but maybe that's just what i need. to embrace my fear. but i'm scared that if i do, i might actually find people telling me that i AM growing up.
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i'm scared of growing up. and i'm scared of disappointing the people who are around me.

sacrifices are made all the time. i guess it's a matter of time that i know what should be sacrificed.
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and i'm still waiting for news on your return. wherever you may be, there are people here who are waiting for you. i'm one of them.

el nido

2008-04-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

i should really learn to finish a whole experience in one blog entry.. 'cause usually, the mood falls out and other interesting things happen.

day 2 (el nido, palawan) - call time was, i think, around 8am or so. we had our first intro to scuba diving lessons! :) it was a one-on-one experience, thankfully. so one of the instructors briefed us a bit on scuba diving - how to breathe in your mouthpiece and signals we would use to communicate with whichever scuba guy would guide us.

i was the second in line. and as excited as i was, i couldn't really get much hyped seeing waves slapping against the dock where we were going "under." but i told myself that, "hey, it's a now or never chance." so i sat down on the dock. my scuba guide told me to go into the water and wear my life jacket with the oxygen tank, and so i did. everything went smoothly except for my nerves which kept on jumping the time i touched the water.

so, in short. i tried two times since i was just practically screaming and holding onto the dock the first time. but the second time, i must say that what i saw was a sight to behold. but i must also say that the people on the dock thought that i was also a sight to see; for i had just invented the action of snorkeling with the whole scuba gear :D scuba-snorkeling, i call it.

i was pretty much drained after the scuba experience. but the adventure continued. we entered a burial cave. it had a really small entrance, so we had to do "the moves" to get into the cave. our tour guide said that rumors say that there were actually people who were fortunate enough to dig up gold in the cave. also in the cave were small holes, or should i say, landings. these, the tour guide later explained to us, were the holes or landings which sparrows spit and build their nests. and those are also the holes that thousands of people put their lives on the line for, just to get that spit. and that spit costs A LOT. the said spit is the infamous "bird's nest" or in chinese, "iyen."

we also went to an island called entalula. we did some water sports there. some of my cousins went wind surfing (one of them a point really far from the shore when her wind surf fell down; she had to kayak all the way back to shore. but she enjoyed it.) my sister and i were the first to witness the angst of the hobie cat ride. well, it was fun... if there were not as much waves as there were when we rode. it was like hanging on for dear life. let go of the line by an inch, and you were sure to be in the ocean. but i guess that's what people go for in rides - the thrill.

day 3 (el nido, palawan) - the secret beach. it's a beach inside a small hole. people would have to snorkle or go under water (depends on the tide) to get to the beach. rumors have been confirmed that the secret beach was were people in the film industry got the idea of "the beach" (by leonardo di caprio). the shoot was supposed to be done in the secret beach in el nido, but the managers didn't allow it since it would be of harm to marine life. and so, the shoot was, people say, shot in amanpulo instead.

and yes, we were supposed to go into the small hole. lo and behold, i was scared out of my wits but i didn't want the chance to pass. but we couldn't go through 'cause we were visited by a swarm of small jellyfish. and the guy who jumped into the water to tie the boat onto a rock came up the both scratching and asking for vinegar (to lessen the itchiness, i think).

so we went back to the small lagoon instead. and i snorkeled! :D

we had lunch at lagen resort (the other resort in el nido, other than miniloc), went to tour snake island, and ended the day by rock climbing. :)

day 4 (last day at el nido) - our flight was 1:30pm, so we spent the whole morning at the big lagoon and at an island (forgot the name, but it sounds japanese). snorkeled, played around with water, and went back to miniloc. got our stuff, got on the boat, said our goodbyes to the kuyas, and left a part of us behind el nido, palawan.

el nido, palawan

2008-03-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

i believe most people when they say that once you've stepped onto the beach, you'll find it hard to leave. shocking statement coming from someone (like me) who isn't a big fan of the open waters. however, after my el nido experience, i just want to keep going back for more.

palawan is such a beautiful place. it's my first time to go there, and i must say, i was amazed by its beauty. where we have land in manila is where there is water in palawan. :) they have no roads for cars, only the ocean for boats. we hopped from one island to the next and enjoyed each island for its own beauty and uniqueness.

day 1 (march 20)

our flight was 11:30am so my family and i left the house around 8:45am and went straight to a. soriano hangar. waited for my relatives (who were going with us) there. first thing we had to do was have our bags checked. and being an easily starved girl, i brought around 4-5 bags (for a 4 day 3 night stay) of junk food :) the guy checking my bag smiled at me and simply said that they had to make a hole in the junk food bags as to prevent it from popping when pressure arises on the plane (i think). so i allowed them, frettting over the fact that my junk food will lose its crispiness. hmph. so an advice to those of you who bring junk food on plane rides, BRING MASKING TAPE. so when they release the air in your oh-so-yummy junk food, you can tape the hole again as to preserve its crispiness. :) or bring ziploc bags so you can pour all your junk food there. :)

the plane ride took approx. 75 mins. a 19-seater private plane, we could see how the pilots maneuvered the airplane. it SEEMS like an easy task actually. they just push some buttons and we're off. hahahaha :) wonder what'll happen if i were to fly a plane. hahaha :) it's so cool how they have a computerized compass/navigator attached to their system. anyway, when we touched palawan grounds, a group of singing lolas and a kalabaw gave us a warm welcome by singing to us. we entered a bahay kubo (which was, i think, palawan's version of an airport) and waited for a LARGE jeep. i could stand up inside the jeep and still have space above my head. and no, i am not THAT small. :) took a less than 5 minute jeep ride to the dock where we met our to-and-from the airport guide. :) he took us to miniloc island.

upon reaching miniloc island, it was already past 1:00pm and everyone was starving. we couldn't really enjoy the staffers who were singing a "welcome to palawan, take care of the environment" song 'cause everyone's eyes were on the buffet table next to them. :)

we checked in to our respective rooms and then set out for our first destination - the small lagoon. it was a 20 minute or so boat ride from miniloc island. when we got there, our boat was stationed somewhere in the middle of the ocean, so we had to get on kayaks and kayak our way into a small hole in the rocks. :) it was fun and scary, since it was my first time to kayak. thankfully, my best cousin rode with me and he was the one shouting directions and how to maneuver the kayak. not to mention that there were around a hundred times we ran into rocks and i had to push our kayak away from the rock. :) but we managed. and i'm glad we did. 'cuz who would have thought that inside that hole was a sight to behold. the water was deep but we could see sea urchins, fish, and my sister got lucky enough to spot a baby shark (hammerhead, if i'm not mistaken). kuya chito, who was our guide from that time onwards, stated that the baby shark would stay in the small lagoon till it grew a bit bigger then it would swim to the ocean. it's when it swims out (or when it reaches its adolescence stage) when it will be able to eat people.

the first day was spent kayaking and exploring the resort, which was really nice :)

day 2 to follow. :)

the revenge of the rat

2008-03-11T03:05:00.000-07:00

our house is under renovation. things are scattered everywhere. boxes are piled up. and without you knowing it, things start vanishing. that's RAT HAVEN.

and THAT is what happened to us.

a bagel went missing. everyone remembered it to be on the table. the last bagel, to be eaten by either my sister or my dad, was gone.

one of my sister's socks was not on the floor. it's become my sister's habit to take off her socks and leave it at the side of the door whenever she comes home. the helpers usually get the pile of clothes there either before they go to sleep or early in the morning. my mom noticed that one of my sister's socks was left on the floor. she assumed that maybe the helper dropped the sock when she took the laundry out.

same situation goes for my sister's "sapin" (towel).

noises were heard during the night. boxes seemed to make noises on their own. and there was clattering behind the kitchen stove.

our helpers pulled the stove out a while ago. and what do you know? the bread, bagel, sock, towel, and a lot more things were behind that stove. not to mention that these things had the honor of being blessed with rat's pooh.

unfortunately, i was at work. and so, i couldn't witness the revealing-of-stolen-stuff first hand.

really, now. how can a rat as cute as the one in ratatouille be as irritating as the rat in the house? you get this quirky feeling of wanting to throw up and get the hell out of the place whenever you see a rat.

based from wikipedia:

"Rats are various medium sized rodents. Rats are sociable, intelligent animals and can be trained to use a litter box, come when called, and perform a variety of tricks. Rats, like all mammals, are edible by humans and are sometimes captured and eaten in emergency situations. A rat has an average life span of 2-3 years."

rodents - i agree.
medium sized - i would say the size varies (i'd say the rat here would be XL).
sociable - to fellow rats?
intelligent - i'd have to agree.
come when called - why doesn't the rat here do that?!
perform a variety of tricks - specialty: the vanishing act
edible by humans - come again?! it's really new to me that some people actually eat rats. *shudder* but then again, maybe rats are eaten only during emergency situations. ugh.
A RAT HAS A LIFE SPAN OF 2-3 YEARS. - can't they cut it down to 2 weeks? 2 days? :D

if you believe in karma, you think it'd be possible that you were a rat in your previous life?

today and the past few days

2008-03-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

the past few days are a blur. i can say that time has robbed me off the feeling of "cherish" and "hope."

a pessimistic thought. a feeling of detachment. a longing for freedom.

i am free. but i guess even freedom has its limitations.

free but restricted to the wants and likes of others. i seek the truth and it shows itself after years and years of yearning. my mission in life - to make their dreams come true. what's worse is that you can't contradict them. it's hard to contradict people whom you know to be your parents.

you want the world to understand you. as someone once told me, "you think the world doesn't understand you. but maybe they do. maybe it's just you not wanting the world to understand."

is money that important a thing in life? who am i kidding, of course it is. is money that much important that you have to do what you're being told to do? who am i kidding, beggars (or should i say children) can't choose. is money more important than doing what you love doing? who am i kidding, i don't know the answer to that.

"you should be thankful that you have a job. wala kang utang na loob. you don't know how to cherish what you have. it's not as if you're gonna earn a lot when you enter media."

you've been put down your whole life. you have no pride left to show others. your teachers, relatives, FAMILY have all agreed to the fact that you have no brains and that your sister is way smarter than you (in fact, it's an insult to compare you to her). then your other sister comes along, being all pretty and active (plus the fact that she's the apple-of-the-family's-eye) and of course, you're nobody again.

you want to enter the "real world." media is the name of your game. you're ready to face it. you know you'll have failures, but you know that there will always be times of success. then it comes, it so happens that they have plans for you (or maybe you weren't just fast enough to get a job). you get stuck in the family business, with no new friends and no one to talk to. you see your sister meeting new people (with her same interests, etc.) and you wonder when you'll have your taste of happiness or if you ever will.

"i want to try to apply at a media company."
"you won't earn that much." (with the unspoken thought being: you won't be able to earn as much as you sister. you might disgrace us. you have no brains and talent, so why work someplace else?)
"ok.but i'll try to apply."
"you don't know how to be thankful for what you have. you have a job. others don't. you think a job in media will give you the stability you have now? you don't know the real world. plus, if you look for another job, who says that we'll take you back in the fam business if you don't get the job?"

seriously. it sucks. big time.

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the beatles are a classic. but i've never really heard their songs. until the movie "across the universe" was shown in theaters. the movie was a dedication to the group and featured songs like let it be, black bird, dear prudence, hey jude, lucy in the sky with diamonds, i am a walrus, etc.

the thing i love the most about the movie is that it exudes a psychedelic ambiance, and before you know it, you're swaying to the music (as if you were a junkie, in a good way). composed of three acts/parts, you will be able to tell the difference in terms of the sounds. it starts with fun and light-hearted songs. when the climax nears, the genre of the songs become a big help in supporting the emotions the scenes need.

it's amazing how they used the songs to tell the story. there's this scene when the song "i want you" was playing. it was, for me, dark humor since the brother was being sent to fight the war, but it's funny when you see the brother being terrorized by the posters of a clown-faced guy who sings the lyrics "i want you so bad." i give high praise to the choreography of the movie. it was very well choreographed.

when it comes to artistic qualities, they used a lot of paint and underwater scenes. it made the movie look more magical, more unreal, and more hypnotizing.

it's a unique mixture of graphic arts, video, and music. i believe that those who are interested in those fields will have a blast when watching "across the universe." and esp. those who are fans of the beatles, it's a classic.

i guess what made me really like the movie is the feeling it gives you. it makes you feel "high," like you're on drugs or medication. it makes you feel happy, so light, so satisfyingly dizzy. it takes all the pain and frustrations away.

it's certainly a must-see. :)

debut. vantage point.

2008-02-24T14:10:00.000-08:00

she held her debut at the ballroom A of dusit hotel. the organizers transformed the ballroom into a beautiful mix of pink, gray, and white with buffet tables surrounding the ballroom and bouquets of roses as the tables. the debutante herself was a picture of happiness and had a glow about her throughout the night. the food was italian, a great selection if i must say. everything was perfect and according to plan.
and i, being the niece of the debutante, was honored to be invited to this grand debut. moreover, be one of her 18 candles. there was one thing that was off though...

i didn't know her name.

yes, i went to the 18th birthday of my AUNT (who's younger than me yet still has the right to be called "auntie") without knowing her name. until i reached the ballroom and saw the poster in front of the door with her name written on it. aaaah, so that's her name. okay. :)

i think no one can beat the closeness i have with this aunt of mine. :) but at least i got to know her name and greet her a happy birthday :) and maybe, just maybe, get to start bridging the gap. :)
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rewind to a day before. around 7:30pm. got to trinoma with plans of watching spiderwick. but the next showing was a bit late, so me and my sis settled for "vantage point." and i must say, good choice of movie :)

it's a movie that keeps you on your toes. the US president was shot. commotion would be an understatement to what happened when the bomb was put off. scary as hell when you think that that situation could happen to us. here, right now. in this country that's full of chaos and rallies. what if someone had shot the president? what would happen to the country then? would it do us any better? i doubt it. but that's my opinion.
one thing's for sure though. the end "vantage point" provided the viewers with was none other than the truth -- no matter what kind of tragedy the country has experienced... no matter how many lives have been affected... no matter how many precautions we take... we still live life the way we're accustomed to. and that the show must go on. 'cause after a while, the incidents will always be there in our history. but they'll only serve as memories.

movies movies movies.

2008-01-01T04:41:00.000-08:00

rounding up a couple of movies i've watched recently, these are the comments i can give:

1. FRIENDS WITH MONEY - a movie about four friends who obviously wouldn't be friends if they had met each other at a later time. one was really rich contradicting her friend who worked as a maid. one was having problems with her neighbors while the other realized that since we all end up dying, she should just stop washing her hair. it's what i consider an art film - the plot may be considered weird but it makes you think, and then it makes you go, "aaaah..." it goes deeper than what the actors give in each scene. it's a story about friendship, yes. but it's also about trust, timing, care, RELATIONSHIPS. it's how these four people interact with each other, esp. since they have families. how each couple talks about their friends' lives after each get-together makes the whole thing really realistic. :)

2. SAKAL, SAKALI, SAKLOLO - the movie after last year's KASAL, KASALI, KASALO starring Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo. it's really hilarious. :) a must-see for everyone, esp. stressed out people :) shows the adjustment period for both parents, balancing family (with the baby), work, and the in-laws. you can see the couple's frustrations, fights, and worries. a lot of people (newlyweds?) can surely relate to this film. love the way gina pareno acted out her role :) here are some of her lines.
*there's a saying that if there's a will, there's a way. but since there's no will, you say, "NO WAY!"
*guy: i don't give a shit!
girl: that's okay. i'm not giving you my shit!
hahahahaha :)

3. EIGHT BELOW - a film about the bond and survival of the owner/trainer and his eight siberian huskies. a really touching story and plot. love the cinematography and just how they patched the whole film. because of this film, i now officially want a siberian husky. HAHAHA :) but seriously, i love this film. heart melting. touching. beautiful.

4. DESPERADAS - guess this film didn't really reach my expectations. personally, it wasn't that good, but there were really funny parts in the movie. maybe those parts and good marketing (?) were the things that actually saved the movie from flopping. i didn't really get where the plot of the movie was headed and i guess the plot itself wasn't really that strong.

:D hee hee :)

happy new year! :) more movies to watch! :D

travel galore :)

2007-12-28T04:12:00.000-08:00

got back from my 6 days 5 nights stay in HK and Macau. went with mom side relatives and the four girls in our family (me included).

left manila at 8am. it was our first time to use online tickets (e-tickets) so we had to pay our travel tax at a booth in the airport. but it was cool to actually just have a printout at hand and be able to fly to another country. :) met up with a-ie and family at NAIA2 and waited for our flight to be called.

when we got to the HK airport, it took us a couple of minutes to find the ferry terminal transfer (thanks to the signs in the airport). we booked our tickets and waited. and since we were technically in HK already, we just HAD to look for food. and being in HK, it was an easy task. hands down to the food in HK. :)

finally, we got on board the ferry terminal. took about an hour before we reached macau. and when we got to macau, the excitement started. :) we were in our own little live version of CSI. hahaha :) a group of (drunk?) men who came from the mainland came down the vessel (they were seated at the upper floor) and started to shout. one of them was saying that his money was lost. and that it was the crew's fault (we had to leave our baggage at the back of the ferry; we couldn't bring stroller-baggages to our seats). and since almost EVERYONE in the lower floor was ASLEEP, no one could say who was at the back of the ferry during the one-hour journey. the guy asked a crew member to call the police since he insisted that this "case" be investigated. he kept on blaming the crew members and saying that they were incompetent and that he shouldn't have trusted them. negative side was that we, being the people in the lower floor, had to stay for the "investigation." they didn't want ANYONE to leave the ferry until the police came. Our bags were inspected one by one by a rather nice policeman; he kept saying bu haw yi xe (i'm sorry for the trouble) which was nice of him. :) anyway, an hour was wasted there on the ferry. :) hahaha :) guess the guy was lying cuz the police who was questioning him mentioned that the guy stated three different prices (on the amount he lost) for the past few minutes. :)

went to find a-ku and family at the venetian, which so happens to be LARGE, HUGE, and GIGANTIC. seriously. the hotel-resort must be the biggest hotel-resort i have seen (except one hotel-resort in korea which is equally huge). but it was breath-taking. they even had indoor and outdoor gondolas (just like mini-Venice). :)

cool thing was that there was guy who saw us when we were outside the Macau ferry terminal. he approached us, gave us his calling card, and introduced himself to be someone who gave group tours. after discussing with a-ku and asking the venetian if they gave tours (which were excruciatingly expensive!), we decided on contacting the guy. :) we went on a Macau day tour the next day. it was fun actually, esp. with the kids running around :) the guy was pretty nice too, making conversation with us along the way. and to my surprise, he thought we were MALAYSIANS. hahahaha :) how cool is that! :D

We went to a lot of sight-seeing spots; two of them being the MACAU TOWER and a temple located in the mountains. i remember the Macau Tower and the Kwan Yi Ma statue from the Amazing Race :) macau tower was the place where the participants were asked to bungee jump (300+ feet from the ground). we even saw an American guy "sky-walking" - going around the Macau tower in the ring located outside the tower (which was equally VERY high up). my uncle and i wanted to try out the sky walk but we lacked time. :) hehe :) maybe next time ;)

after macau, we went to HK Kowloon side. my first time to be in HK after around 8 years or so. a LOT has changed. hahaha :) we bought OCTOPUS cards and rode the MTR to get ourselves to places :) went to visit my grandma (who was also at HK then) and my cousin (whom i haven't seen in ages). too bad i didn't get to see the lights show sir jay told us about last year (i think). it was a play of lights from both the HK and Kowloon side buildings. the MTR in Hong Kong was really nice... made me wonder when our country would be like that (and if it ever will). such a sad reality when you think of the Philippines not being able to achieve what other countries have achieved. and then you start to wonder what may have caused the lack of funds to do these projects.

guess my FAVORITE day in HK was when we went to DISNEYLAND. yaaaay! hahahaha :) i think i was more excited than the kids :) hahahahaha :) but i loved the amusement park there. why? 'cause they had no scary rides! :D for me, space mountain=scary. hahahaha :) so i was satisfied with winnie the pooh and the carousel :) not to mention buzz lightyear and STICH :) waaaaah! STITCH. hahahaha :) loved the 3D show they did of donald duck too! :D

it was really nice and fun.. getting the chance to travel with relatives. the experiences and memories will always be there :) hope there WILL be a next time :D

frustrations and rants of an artist graduate

2007-11-30T13:40:00.000-08:00

what is an artist? how does one define an artist?
i don't know how to draw. i can sketch but for the life of me, do not ask me to draw something out of imagination. can i be considered an artist?
i suck at drafting. floor plans and section plans i can handle, but i need someone to guide me. perspective drawing is truly out of the question. am i considered an artist?
i cannot fill a canvas nor can i tell the difference of the mediums used in painting. can i be considered an artist?
a pathetic creature, some people may say. but for me, i guess it's called self-pity.
but seriously, can i be considered an artist? i've looked to my friends for enlightenment. they've told me that i can come up with ideas and i'm good at putting things together. my question is what good will it do me in the real world?
i'm a graduate. an artist graduate to be exact. i find myself contradicting myself with the term artist. but seeing that i do hold a diploma for an arts course, i believe that i am artist, though not truly so.. if you get what i mean.
a frustration that has the people you love think that you won't be able to earn a living with what you want to do. and what is worst is admitting to yourself that they may be right.
the want to prove them wrong is such a hard thing to do. esp. when people give you a small frown and then a laugh, asking you what in the world are you going to be doing with your major.
it's such a cruel world we live in. it seems as if your course isn't worth it if you don't have an occupation named after it (e.g. pharmacy=pharmacist, accounting=accountant)
"do you think you'll be able to earn a lot when you're in the outside world?"
it's a form of protection. i just know it. but maybe, just maybe i still need to prove to myself AND to the people who misjudge me that my course may be worth it after all. and that i may be able to earn a living with what i want to do.
but then there's fear. fear of failure. if there's no failure, then there's no success, or so the saying goes. but what if taking that step into the outside world is a tremendous leap for me? what if i'm scared that the people who have prejudged me are actually right? "told you so" is not a phrase that's easy to take in. seriously.
comparison (again) is such an evil thing. but it's there. it's living. it's real. i wonder if i'll ever get over it all.
ranting is what i do best, i guess. since i don't know what to do with my life. i'm a graduate. i'm working in a field that's a long cry from my major. i'm a scaredy-cat. and i exercise my rights on self-pity more than often nowadays.

but i'm still living. and i guess that's all that matters.

movie marathon

2007-11-26T14:50:00.000-08:00

okay, not exactly a movie marathon.. just watched two movies with my sister yesterday at trinoma. one more chance starring john lloyd cruz and bea alonzo; enchanted starring amy adams and patrick dempsey.

watching two romantic comedies in one day is a heart-melter, i must say. :) i loved the two movies. but personally, "one more chance" won my "kilig-feeling" award. as a newspaper article stated, "everyone can more or less relate to one more chance. the language used is just like eavesdropping on the next table's conversation." the movie focused more on the line, "to have a successful relationship, you must respect each other's personal space."

in enchanted, the movie was more magical, more enchanting, and SUPER disney. hahaha :) i love the way they meshed animation and real life together.

i'm actually still in awe with the two movies. :) wonder when i'll be able to be part of a production like that. :) but till then, all i can do is hope and pray :) hehe :)

grad day :)

2007-10-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

october 13, 2007.

my graduation was held at picc. :) my whole family went. and of course, migs. hee hee :) it was really fun and nice to finally be wearing a toga and also my "honorable mention" medal :) hahaha :) wasn't used to the graduation cap though; it felt as if it were going to fall off my head any minute :)

sat between jed and rugin. got the chance to befriend mikae, the only ab-dance graduate this term. :) i felt proud of us all when we were marching into the hall - down the stairs and to our seats. :) it's hard to explain the mix of emotions during that day - happiness, proud, sadness, and not-ready-to-face-the-world-syndrome. hahaha :)

the most funny thing that happened during my graduation was when i was about to get my diploma. jed's name had been called; he was the last among the production design graduates. i was getting ready for my name to be called. my heart was pounding. my hands were cold. and i felt happy and warm all inside. the brother-president seemed like a really nice guy and it was our honor to have him award our diplomas.

"The graduates of AB-Technical Theater..."

the time has come...

"Eunice Sabrina... "

the dean had looked at me. i went up the stage and headed towards the brother president. the dean's mouth formed an O. i expected him to say ocampo. instead, he said...

"Ong. Honorable Mention"

what?! tHE?! HELL?! hahahaha :) my surname is ANG!!! not ONG!!! :) i accepted my diploma and took my bow nonetheless :) i could hear my friends' giggles already. when i got to my seat, we were all laughing :)

raven: eu! magkapatid na pala tayo! hahaha :)

we kept laughing. even my family was laughing. :) it was hilarious but nakakainis too. why did he read my surname wrong?! hahaha :)

was touched though when miss magda texted me in the end. "huwag ka mag-alala, you'll always be eunice ANG to us." hahaha :)

happy grad to us all :)

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stardust:

what do stars do?

they SHINE.

got nothing to do..

2007-10-11T00:17:00.000-07:00

it feels weird. not having that much stuff to do yet don't have the time to write a blog entry. is it the lack of time or the lack of a sensible topic to write about? i'd say a little of both.

i've been spending the last couple of days doing the same routine. waking up, helping my mom make lunch for my sister, my dad, and myself, going to the office and deal with paperwork, fetch shobe after her classes, come home, and sulk in front of the computer. it's what i deem to be my very exciting daily routine. i'm not complaining or anything. i actually enjoy this lifestyle for the time being. no hurries no worries. hehe :)

i just finished reading "charmed thirds" a few days ago. and boy, do i envy the way jessica darling expresses herself. her character has a way with words and i envy her. she writes her thoughts freely; she writes her emotions away. there are times though when she can't seem to find the right words; thus, using !!!! to make her emotions known to the readers. hahaha :) it's a hilarious book. i love the way she expresses herself. so liberal. so frank. so natural. the way she deals with life as a university student, being far away from her lover makes up the innumerable twists in the book. it's a really good book to read, be it your under stress or not.

had my graduation rehearsal last saturday. the rehearsal was done at the 6th floor parking lot of the DLSU-Sports Complex. talk about wanting to rehearse in a big, vacant, and cheap space. which was, incidentally, one of the hottest places in the taft campus. least there were industrial fans to keep us, in a way, cooler than without the fans. hahaha :) the rehearsal was fun. the production design students were seated next to me. only 8 of them are gonna graduate this term. only 3 technical theater students made the graduates' list this term. hahaha :) got to "bond" with my blockmates (DP1) while the practice march was ongoing. we just talked with each other since the practice march got a bit boring... we were just seated while waiting for the other courses to be called. HRIM, CA, and MMA were after us.. so imagine the number of people we had to wait for before we could leave. for those who don't know, there are A LOT of students who are going to graduate in the said three courses. hahaha :)

oh well, guess that's it for now.... i'm seriously just bumming around. bum bum bum bum bum... weeee :) hahahaha :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
sentence dictation:

what the teacher dictated: My father is a brain surgeon.
what the student wrote: My father is a brave surgeon.

:)

break time.

2007-09-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

head's throbbing real hard right now... migraine's kicking in again. i thank whoever invented "break time." hahaha :) i'm still in the office right now - file,type, file, type, look for the calculator. hahaha :) this is soooo far from what i studied for. seriously.

here i am again missing my friends - both college and high school ones. can't wait for tomorrow - plan to meet up with a couple of my HS buds for dinner. hallelujah! hahaha :) and meet up with rug and the others on saturday just for fun. i miss 'em a lot. i miss spending time with them and having lunches with them.

my life now is waking up in the morning and looking forward to the time my mom says, "let's go pick up shobe." hahaha :) at least i'm not that pressured here in work. i mean, i'm lucky and fortunate enough to have a reasonable load and a very understanding and patient mentor (who happens to be my mom) who just smiles at me and answers my questions with, "i learned that on my own when i was starting." or "do i have to teach you everything a second time?" hahaha :) but after that, she gives me decent answers to my questions. :)

yesterday, my aunt asked me to write receipts. and seriously, my hands were shaking. hahaha :) as in they were shaking. my best friend, as of yesterday, was the "liquid" in my mom's drawer. :) hahaha :) every mistake = one more bonding moment with the bottle of liquid. weee! ~_~

my cousin sharon got married last sunday. :) i'm really happy for her. she asked me to an AVP for her wedding. her and ahia francis's moments together. hahaha :) and i really enjoyed doing that AVP of hers. thankfully, when it was shown during the reception, people applauded and praised me for my work. :) it really felt good. i know that there were some parts that were really off (take the sound for instance since i forgot to turn off the electric fan when i recorded some interview parts) but my other cousins thought it was pretty good. :) i'm still an amateur-wanting-to-be-director-and-editor and i know that there's still much to learn, but i'm really glad that my cousin entrusted me with that project. :) it felt really good. and i guess practice makes perfect. :) need to keep the optimistic person in me alive :)

oh well, gonna get back to my table. almost back to work time. signing off. :)

nostalgia

2007-09-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

today is officially my third day of my "getting-to-know-the-ins-and-outs-of-the-office" life. it's been around two weeks since my last day as a college student at dls-csb. i've gotta be honest though. i don't find the work i do to be much fun. it's cool to be working at the office and all, but it's really not what i studied for. i finished a course on theater and i'm doing a job involving calculators and the filing system. HA. but i guess this is what the elders usually say, we don't get the job we studied for. :) guess i'm just in my adjustment period. and to be honest, i am getting the hang of it. hehe :) well, i SHOULD get the hang of it :)
--------------------------------
last tuesday and wednesday -- went to punta fuego with a couple of my college friends. too bad some others couldn't follow since classes started on wednesday. haha :) it was really relaxing and fun. there were cabanas located somewhere on the shore of the beach. the cabanas had pillows!!! so i could sleep :) hahaha :) it's really a nice place... and having my friends with me made the moment better and more memorable. :)
---------------------------------------------
going to class seems just like yesterday. and yes, there have been a lot of instances that i miss going to school. waking up in the morning, catching the train going to school, eating with friends, complaining about the workload, dealing with teachers -- that's been my life for the past years. now that school is done, it really feels different. there are times i feel depressed.. missing my friends and all.. i get the feeling that i don't want to work just yet.. i want to rest. hahaha :) or at least not work before i have my graduation march. i miss being a student. i miss going to class. i miss eating lunch with my friends. i miss having free time. i got used to doing my own schedule - i had time. now, i need to follow a certain schedule. :-<>
---------------------------------------------
at work:
m: (while doing something else) write intial
e: (nervous) initial?
m: yeah
e: (thinking) initial as in my intials or initial as in initial payment?!?!?!?!?!
e: (writing down the word initial) I-N-I-T
m: ano yan?! write your initals, not the word initial..

(~_~*)

graduation.

2007-09-07T22:27:00.000-07:00

i have finally walked the hallways of csb for the last time (as a student, that is). thursday (09-06-07) was judgement day - do or die, graduate or remain - and thankfully, all of us surpassed that day. :) a load off my shoulders. college life is done for me. :)

being nostalgic, images from the last few years run through my mind. from my frosh years to productions and finally, the present. people i have met, organizations i have entered, activities i have joined. everything has molded me into who i am right now. :) as the cliche line goes, "i've learned a lot of things in my stay in college.."

i've learned to deal with the different reactions when you tell a guy you like him. :) of all the reactions, i've come to treasure one. i had a major crush on this guy when i saw this guy during the first week of classes. :) and to be honest, he's actually the reason why i got to know a lot of people from his course. (thanks to him for that!) however, when i let him know that i liked him, things changed. he got mad at me. hahaha :) seriously... and until now, the mystery is still around. why did he get THAT mad at me for just letting him know that i liked him? :)

met a couple of professors that have let us live "the life outside SDA." hahaha :) in layman's terms, they were the professors who gave us hell. we had to work our asses off (as all students do), submit projects and report a different topic EVERY WEEK and settle for a 1.0 or 1.5 as our final grade. hahaha :) and all they can say is, "at least pareho yung grades niyong lahat." hahahaha :) WTF?!

curses... from the demure and innocent expression of "holy cow," my tongue has evolved into a creature i myself can't control. tang-ina, fuck, and shit seem more appropriate at times when the level of stress is rising. someone once told me, "dati ikaw yung ala maria clara ah... tapos ngayon, mas grabe ka pa magmura sa akin." it's not a comment to be proud of but i guess cursing and pressure comes with the college-life-package. :)

God.. i got to discover and find a new God cuz of my friends in college. they were the ones who told me stories and influenced me to TRY to become a better person. (disregard paragraph above... hahahaha) :) my faith still waivers every now and then, but hey.. your faith won't be that strong if it weren't for the simple "waiverings" every now and then. :)

happiness, joy, relaxation. that i got to know through my college friends. hannah nad rugin have always been there for me no matter what. and i love them for that. hannah and i are the extremes. hannah being the extremely happy person and i being the extremely serious person. i have a feeling we'd clash big time if it weren't for rugin in the middle. :) weird enough, the three of us hit it off pretty well. :) we were able to accomplish everything miss minchin and her accomplice required us to do. pretty darn good. :) i love them so much.

there are a lot of people and situations i thank. i've become a more mature person (hopefully) now and i think i am ready to face the world. :)

but of course, i can't forget to thank that someone who has been there for me even when there have been a lot of times that i have pushed him away. :) he's an artist who doesn't know how talented he is and how much i appreciate him being there for me. :) i thank him for being patient with me, esp. during my stressful moments. (ask my friends how i act when i'm stressed... hahahaha.. it ain't a pretty sight.) he's helped me and my girl friends through our "we-don't-know-what-to-do" times :) i thank him for everything. :) and i'm happy that he's there. :)

my college life has ended. :) sadly... but finally.

defense done.

2007-09-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

at a nearby computer shop right now. waiting for camille to come so that we can settle our payments with the accounting office. i think i came to school too early. hahaha :) but it was okay. least i got to run some errands. and hopefully, i can finalize the whole thing before i go home later. i want the araquio funds dealt and done with.

had our thesis defense yesterday. it was nerve-wrecking at first cuz we didn't know what to report. we've had to defend our thesis for the past few months and having to defend it again was kinda weird. we didn't know what else to say, esp. since we've already executed the thesis itself. :) but least our panel was composed of miss magda, sir robin, and sir rondell. and was i glad when sir robin suggested that we all take a seat and make the thesis a tad informal. :) way cool! hahaha :) guess me crying during my thesis 1 class gave the panel a heads up that there was a weakling in the group. hahahaha :)

but i'm just glad that our thesis is done with. well, minus the funds that is. hahaha :)
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rugin: so, kailan nga tayo alis?
me: saan ba tayo punta? sa punta Tuego?
(all laugh sabay hirit si dane)
dane: saan yun?! sa baFangas?!

hahahahaha :) leche. ( ' o ' )V

bangag conversations.

2007-08-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

dane: susunduin ka ni achi? naks! marunong na ako magchinese!
jon: panu yung brother?
dane: ahia
eu: eh younger brother?
dane: shoti!
eu: eh younger sister?
dane: (after a while) ice-cream yun eh... hmm..
eu and jon: ice-cream?!
dane: SHOBE!!!!
eu: ano yun, sorbetes?!
dane: oo noh, pinaghalong sorbetes tsaka sherbet!!
---------------------------------------

ni: and then i saw abe waiting for the elevator. but didn't say hi na cuz he was at the other end.
daddy: so you guys didn't greet each other?
ni: nope. cuz he was at the other end. ang layo eh.
daddy: huh? ganung kalaki ba elevator niyo?
----------------------------------

m: lando, punta tayo salazar.
l: opo
(after a while)
m: lando, saan ka pupunta? salazar tayo ah
l: salazar po ba? akala ko sa la salle.
----------------------------------

dane: eu, kamukha mo yung katabi ko.
eu: ah thanks.
(after a while)
eu: ano sabi mo?
dane: ano ba akala mong sinabi ko?
eu: bakit ko naging kamukha si ratatouille?

what the?! hahahaha :)

coffee and san lazaro

2007-08-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

it's nearing 5am and i still haven't slept a wink. got a feeling i'm going to be really moody tomorrow. but nothing a cup of coffee won't fix.. i think. i might need another starbucks bottle (the one that can be bought at department stores). it's actually more effective than the coffee at cafe mezzanine (somewhere in manila).

i had two cups of coffee at cafe mezzanine a few days ago. had a photo shoot for an mma friend of mine so had to put on make-up. that made my eyes kinda droopy. then when filip came around, i was half asleep. but got re-energized when shirley assigned me to be their SL stage manager on-the-spot. hahahaha :)

anyway, starbucks bottle works better for me now. so might have another bottle tom. hahaha :) no coffee = braindead. seriously. my friends bear witness. hahaha :)

----------------------------------
it's a sunday. well, it was sunday yesterday. and we had class. woop-de-doo. cheer cheer. hurrah hurrah. it was totally depressing. sunday?! school?! WHY?! but had a final presentation for sir morfe's class so it wasn't a waste going to school. sir seemed to have liked our presentation. that's good enough for me :) hehehe :) still have to set up the exhibit for his subject on wednesday.. when will this school term end?!?!?!
----------------------------------
since it rained real hard during our thesis date, none of our panelists were able to attend. so we have to give them vcd/dvd copies, which are due tomorrow. problem is i don't have a dvd burner, so went to SM San Lazaro a while ago to look for computer shops. unfortunately, the guard i asked said that netopia had already "pulled out" but there were around 2 computer shops that dealt with dvd burning. i rushed to the first one and everything was okay. except for the fact that their pc lacked space to store the temporary files of the video to be burned. or something like that.

i went to the second store. the guy asked me to buy a blank dvd since they didn't provide the blank cds. so, i lined up at cd-r-king and it took me eons before i reached the counter. but i bought the dvds and went back to the store. had to wait for the person in front of me to finish. finally, it was my turn! the kuya, however, wanted to burn the video as dvd data file. i insisted that i wanted the disc to play at dvd players. to cut the long story short, i kinda argued with him then after quite a while decided to just take the blank dvd and leave.

so i have no dvd copy and a very grainy vcd copy. oh well.
------------------------------------
the good thing that happened at sm san lazaro, though, was that i saw a familiar face. seriously. i don't know his name or where i met him or seen him. but it was just familiarity.

i was on my way down while he was on his way up. when i saw him, i thought he looked familiar. he looked at me too and guess the same thought was running in his head. finally, he just smiled at me and made a little wave. i did the same. it was just a few seconds but the feeling was nice. what i mean is that it's nice to be familiar wiht someone, even if you don't know the name or whatsoever. :) hehehe :)

that kinda brightened up my sour graping mood a while ago. :)
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it's almost 5:15am. so much things yet to do. haaay... hehehe :)

poem at plaza v

2007-08-22T05:19:00.000-07:00

because of one phone call you didn't answer,

I had to go to Nueva Ecija alone.

because the video "Doors" decided to appear now,

I had the whole night to nurse my tears.

because we aren't in speaking terms anymore,

I didn't see you on the night of our thesis.

because we "broke up" badly,

I can't be there fr you like I used to.

because i don't know a thing about you anymore,

I wish i could get to know you once again.

because it seems as if you despise me,

I have no one beside me right now.

because you thought i moved on easily,

I am still not over you now.

because i remember all the times we were together,

I hurt when i walk the hallways in school.

because i know no one else understands me,

I miss you even more so...

because i regret every minute of letting you go,

I dream of you - hugging you and never letting go.

because being with you is now impossible,

I drown in my own self-pity.

flowers for me. :)

2007-08-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

for our staging of Araquio: Ang Paghahanap sa Tierra Santa. thanks thanks :)

august 16, 2007. received it noon time by delivery.

araquio.

2007-08-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

finally, thesis is done. :) woopee for that! but all i can say is we went through HELL just to stage that show. this was how our yesterday went by.

August 15, 2007

got to school at 8:30am. the freshmen were already there so we waited for hannah and camille's van. camille called around 10am saying that she was near and that na-traffic lang because it was raining cats and dogs. soon did we find out that camille was near MCO (our venue) while we were waiting at school! so, we had to wait again for the van to go to csb main. we left around 12noon.

while waiting, there were incidents that happened. taft hotel called me up telling me that a cast member used the phone line and that we had a 204. something bill that we have to settle. after that, i had to check with ms. grace regarding our bus. lo and behold, ms. grace told me that they (the GAS office) has made their stand. they've decided not to push through with our 8:30 or 9pm trip and ship the actors back to nueva ecija. reason? because the typhoon will most likely hit NE. problem number 2: will we rent another bus or a few vans or do we ask the actors to stay another night? where?

and of course, since it was raining REALLY hard, classes were suspended. problem number 3: what will happen to our audience? how about the bus? what will happen? HOW ABOUT OUR SHOW? but as the saying goes, "THE SHOW MUST GO ON."

my cel phone was ringing off the hook the whole day, literally. ms. magda and taft hotel were calling me to confirm and ask questions. i had to keep calling dane and arnie to keep communication (since they were already at MCO).

also, we had to pick up the souvenir programs that was supposedly scheduled to be picked up at 8 or 9am. but due to lack of transportation and misunderstanding, we picked the programs at around 12 something. hannah and i had to take a pedicab to and from the place. the souvenir programs were to my liking though. so that kinda brightened my day.

hannah and i rushed to camille's van. just in time, since the moment we stepped into the van was the moment rain poured down. unfortunately, i had to run down again to charlito's to claim the lunch. kristoffer, a freshman, went with me. and i thank him for that. we rushed through the rain, got the food, and went back to the van. if someone had given us soap and shampoo, i guess we could've taken a bath there :) hahaha :)

to make things worse, we got stuck in traffic for around 2-3 hours. we had to cancel our 1pm show.

finally, we arrived at the venue. i had to finish editing the AVP, rox had to test the sound system, dane and rug had to cue the lights, arnie had to direct the actors, hannah and i had to know the cues to stage manage the whole production. no one could leave their positions.

thankfully, the freshmen were there to help us out. thank God for them. :)

the day was literally hell. to stage a production in two months was impossible. having the cast of that two-month preparation live in nueva ecija didn't exactly lighten up the burden. but we pulled it off. iSDA productions pulled it off. and i thank the Lord for that. :)

thanks to mandy, jojo, sir manolet, sir jethro, and my buddy for taking the time to watch our play, even if it was raining real hard that day. :) thanks too to those who watched! :)

there will be no play that will be as IMPOSSIBLE as ours.

------------------------------------

yu: how much yung TF ng actors?

eu: TF nila?

yu: yeah. how much?

eu: 20

yu: 20 pesos?!

hahahahahahaha :) that was part of our conversation back stage. :) that line made my day.

rainy days.

2007-08-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

it's our second no-class day today. woohoo! :) storms hit manila and classes in all levels are suspended! actually, i don't know if having no classes is a blessing or a curse. i consider it a blessing since we don't have to go to our class (duh!) but i find it a curse 'cause when we do get back to class, the workload will pile up. also, our thesis is in a crisis mode right now. still having problems with our finances. and still don't have souvenir programs. woop-de-doo. i am sooo jumping with joy (sense the sarcasm?) hahaha :) but yeah, my thesis mates and i are practically floating on a piece of wood in the pacific ocean. that's how dead we are. not to mention that the show is, uh, 5 days from now! beat that! hahaha :) i am so in need of help.

--------------------------------------------------

chatted with teddy yesterday. i was convincing him that i have multiple personality disorder. and that he, based from yesterday, was dealing with 5 different "me" personalities. there was ms. perky, ms. emo, ms. angry, ms. calm, and ms. i-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world. my personal favorite was the last one. our conversation for at least half an hour went like this:

teddy: so, how do you find the weather today?

ms. i-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world: i don't know. i don't have a care in the world.

teddy: *raised eyebrow*

ms. i-don't have-a-care-in-the-world: why are you raising your eyebrow at me? wait, i shouldn't be asking that question. i don't have a care in the world.

and the conversation went on and on and on... with me changing my personalities in mid-sentence. i am that sabog.

--------------------------------------------------

hope our figaro entries make it to the final 12. i'm hoping and praying and wishing. *saying a short prayer*

--------------------------------------------------

also got to chat with my ahia min. :) he's now taking up his medical degree (is that grammatically correct?) at UERM right now. he seems to be enjoying his stay there. good for him. well, at least i have a future doctor to go to. hahaha :) all i can say is that i'm proud of him. for making it that far. and so far he's the only one who actually knows this URL. so i'm guessing he'll most probably read this entry. if he does, well *kudos to everything you've done, hia min. :) keep up the good work. and self-esteem? don't belittle yourself. so what with what happened before? traumatic experiences are made for you to deal with and soon forget. :) aight? hugs to you. :)* and if he doesn't get the chance to read it, well.. nothing i can do there. hahaha :)

-------------------------------------------------

from another window yesterday:

kac: ilang hours ba yung play?

esa: originally, it's being staged for 10 hours. but since thesis namin, my thesis mate cut it down to two hour.

kac: tanginang play yan! 10 hours?!?!?!?!

hahahahahaha :) i dunno.. i just kept laughing when i read the reply. hahaha :) okay.. maybe i AM stressed.

-------------------------------------------------

my ym status message yesterday was a plain and simple word. "tangina." and i received lots of messages. hahaha :) it actually made my day better. really. i was on wits end already with the cost of the souvenir programs. we still don't have a printing company right now and the last we canvassed, one souvenir program will cost as 110Php at the cheapest!! wtf?! okay, i better stop before i actually curse out how i feel in this entry.

anyway, i had that status message and the first one who messaged me was my buddy. he was always one to make me laugh. :) teddy messaged me as well; thus, our weird conversation which can actually be made into a film script. not a bad idea.. hmmm (read above). hahaha :) then nick told me that he can't imagine me saying that and that he hoped everything was okay. aww... :) ahia fred's first message to me in a few month's time was, "wow, ang lutong ng staus mo ah." hahahaha :) even pao, jack, and geneve messaged me. hia vinne also told me to relax and chill.

i'm not proud of my status message or what. it was just how i felt that time.. and right now.. i was down in the dumps. i didn't and still don't know what to do with our monetary problems. who the hell likes money problems?! but guess having those people message me.. even if it was a one-liner or just a simple smile.. it melted my heart. there are still people out there who care.

guess that kinda answered some questions running in my mind ever since i had to deal with the "what happened with the two of you?" issues in school. angry glances from people i used to hang out with. pissed looks from people i used to share stories with. disappointment in the eyes of others. and cold shoulder treatment with the one i used to love.

we live in different worlds now - him and me. and i guess nothing, as in nothing, can bring back what we used to have. leave us to deal with our memories. they'll always be the happy ones.

but yeah, guess i realized that i'm not alone at all. that there are people who still care. but i guess i still need the assurance every now and then.

i am such an emo kid. hahaha :)

tired.

2007-08-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

i've never felt this tired before. i feel my heavy eyes dropping. i feel my temples throbbing real hard. i feel my stomach churning. i feel my mind lapsing. i have never felt this tired before.

slept around 1 or 1:30am last sunday and woke up at 2am. dane was near our house so i had to get up and get ready for the long day ahead. drove to taft to pick up rugin. and then waited for the rest until around 4am. went to crame to leave dane's car and change to jeff's car. got to NLEX at around 6am. rox and i couldn't let the day start without having a cup of coffee (our minds were dead before we had coffee) so stopped by one of the NLEX stopovers.

went straight to nueva ecija. got there around 9:10am. and waited for the cast. it was exhausting. arnie blocked some scenes and we saw what we'll, more or less, expect for our thesis.

left nueva ecija at 5pm or so. waited with dane and rug at gapan for jeff for bout an hour and a half. hannah, cj, rox, and arnie went home first. reached edsa at 9 something pm.

when i got home, had to finish the presentation for sir jay's class.

then yesterday, rushed our (me and teddy's) entries for the figaro contest. *fingers crossed for that* then had a meeting with miss magda regarding our thesis's budget.

when i woke up today. my head was throbbing like hell. i don't know if it was because of being tired or because i got soaked in rain yesterday. i'm guessing the latter.

oh well. i just feel so tired. and a lot of deadlines are still pending.

WATCH ARAQUIO:ANG PAGHAHANAP SA TIERRA SANTA. :) to be shown at the EQUITABLE-PCI MAKATI CHAMBER ORCHESTRA (1pm/5pm) tickets are at 150 Php each. Support Philippine Theater!! :)

stress.

2007-08-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

bulging eyes. sleepless nights. major headaches. hanging minds. pressure. stress. an enemy of all kinds.

play dates are getting nearer and nearer. competition's getting fiercer and fiercer. all eyes are on us. can we do it? being the center of attention is not much fun after all.

eyes burning in on me. judging my every move. i hear dictates everywhere. what to do. where to go. "you need to decide for yourself." i don't want to. i might pick the wrong one. "what is your decision?" i don't know my decision, that's why i'm asking you. "when is the deadline for what i'm suppposed to do?" i don't know. i'll give a random date to you. i'm not the one in-charge of everything. i can't do this by myself. i'm an indecisive freak. someone's gotta help me out with this.

never felt this drained before. it's as if life has sucked itself out of humanity. it isn't fun, really. misery. the want to please everyone. the need to prove yourself. the fight for what you deem right. it's exhausting. it's tiresome. it's life.

problems will always strike hard. change is the only thing constant. a kingdom will once again be built. a different era. a different setting. a different me.

right now, thesis should be dealt and done with.

i'm having problems with making fake snowballs, food, and blood. WHY? i ask. WHY do we have to do this? WHY were the projects given the hell week of our thesis? WHY? :(

i can't do this alone. i can't.

memories and thesis

2007-08-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

got to talk to steffen on the phone a while ago. :) it's been a LONG while since i got the chance and time to chit-chat with my best guy friend on the phone. told him what's been bothering me for the past few months. and as usual, he has given his opinion and advice. i wonder why he didn't major in AB-Psychology. the title and job would've fit him to a T. i really missed talking to him. :)

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our thesis is soon to be staged. we're having trouble with our funds and i honestly don't know how to solve that problem of ours. we'll be needing more support (both financially and emotionally) if we're to stage the show on time. but i've got faith. i know we can do this. we're just really down in the dumps, financially speaking. hahaha :)
--------------------------------------------------

Our thesis is a traditional play from Nueva Ecija. The play has been staged every first week of May ever since the 1800s. It tells the story about Queen Elena and the search for the Holy Cross. It's a play about religion, but has a comedic twist to its script. "Araquio" has always been staged in open space (e.g. plazas). However, this time around, it will be the actors' first time to stage the play at a proscenium theater (with lights, sounds, and a roof above their heads).

Our actors will be arriving in Manila from Penaranda, Nueva Ecija to stage the said play.

It will be an honor to stage one of the few remaining traditional Filipino plays still existing in the country.

So, come one come all. Let's support Philippine Theater! Mahalin ang sariling atin!

Araquio: Ang Paghahanap sa Tierra Santa will be showing at Equitable-PCI's Makati Chamber Orchestra on August 15, 2007 at 1:00pm and 6:00pm. Tickets are sold at Php 150.00. If interested, please leave a message or contact us via texting 0917.5354563.

lrt incidents

2007-07-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

LRT incident#1:

the train was crowded. i saw two girls and a baby seated in front of me. i'm assuming one was the mother and the other the sister. the baby, around 1 or 2 years old, started mumbling and was getting cranky. the next thing i knew, the mom was lifting her shirt up and she started to breastfeed the baby.

it was a charming sight.. mother-daughter love. but it was kind of weird to see someone breastfeed in a very public place. good thing the cabin we were in was all-girls. but still, i don't think i'd ever get myself to do that.

well, at least the baby got quiet after. :)

LRT incident#2:

i was listening to my mp3 while texting my friends. i was on my way to a party, a sort-of despedida party to one of my high school professors who's going back to UK soon. my head was bowed down when i felt someone tap me on the arm. when i looked up, i saw one of my high school friends. :) it took us long enough to meet each other on the lrt. we've been taking the train ever since our college lives began, and it was a shock to see her actually standing in front of me in her uniform after a long time. :)

we chatted all the way. it was really fun to catch up on things. she's one the future's famous pharmacists and i can really see that she's finding her way to the top :) good luck to her. :)

it was such a lovely surprise. :)

oh well, back to thesis mode for me. :) hahahaha :)

and oh yeah, happy birthday to my buddy!!!! :)

a few words.

2007-07-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to stop everything. i was supposed to start anew. my life was a mess. well, it still is. but i believe that everything will take its place in due time.

i have been torn in two situations for the past few months. i've been a caterpillar choosing between two branches to spin its cocoon. i have two choices. but there can only be one path to take.

i had to choose between my family and friends. i had to fight both sides to gain my happiness. but in the end, my happiness was sacrificed. in both sides. i have lots to learn, esp. in the turn of events. i have lost old friends yet have gained new ones.

i have lost a loved one. someone i cared for. someone i loved. maybe still love. someone i can't have. this may be the last entry i write about him.

i wonder if he will get the chance to read this. i doubt it. but even so, this is what i would like to say:

i love you. but you know that we can't be with each other. for reasons that i myself don't understand. it will an eternity of mystery. a life full of "what ifs." i love you, mybe. but maybe my love isn't enough to suffice the pain, hurt, and chaos that goes under the roof. it's a chaotic world i'm in when i'm with you. a world full of love yet full of anger and hate. it's an oxymoron that will forever stay true. we both have stayed true to each other. that i know. i have loved you more than you'll ever know. the three words that have been sacred, you got them out from me. my heart i have given to you a long time ago. i can't have you, mybe. it's a painstaking situation. an unforgiving choice. a sacrifice i don't think anyone, even you, will understand. but i will forever cherish you. your memories. your being you. i will forever love you. a promise that i will sincerely keep.

i am so proud of you. you've done a great deal. and i won't be surprised when, one day, i'll see your face on magazines and papers stating you to be one successful man. i will be proud of you. like i am now. i have faith in you. i always have and always will. together forever. yet always apart. a line i got from the love of reading.

tears will never stop coming, esp. when i have thoughts of you. but now, we are given a new chance to start. i don't know where the wind will take us. i don't know if fate will be by my side. i know that you are a good man. and i know that a lot of girls will fall for you. it's a pity that i can't be with you. it's a loss i want the people i label as "enemies" to see. it's my sacrifice. my love for you. and sadly, your love for me.

i love you, mybe. together forever yet always apart. a line i will keep close to my heart.

.....

come what may.

the jury has spoken.

the gamble is still on.

dry eyes don't mean dry pillows.

2007-07-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

it's been three months. well, nearly three months since we've parted ways. it's been almost twelve weeks of not being with you. of not being able to talk to you.

i don't know why it's so hard to let you go. some part of me says it's guilt. another part of me says it's regret. but mostly, i think it's love.

it's hard for me to love someone. that's something i just discovered. it's hard for me to say "i love you." those three words, especially coming from me, mean a lot more than a kiss. i wish i said more i-love-you's when we were still together.

people tell me it's wrong to regret. "if you keep holding on to the past, how can you know what lies ahead?" i have to move forward. but with you, one step forward takes me two steps back.

i still fight for you, you know? i still tell the people about what a good person you are. i still tell them stories about you.

it's been three months.

i'm dating someone now. my thoughts can't keep going back to you. esp. with the given situation. but it's so hard. i can't get you off my mind. "can i swallow this bottle whole?"

i saw you a while ago. you were being awarded. a dean's lister for three consecutive terms. i'm so proud of you. i wish i could've showed you that a while ago. you did it! you achieved a dream of yours. i'm so proud of you. i just wish i could hug you.

i miss you so much.

and i still long for you. if it's not too much to ask. will you wait for me? can you wait for me?

can we wait for each other?

i can't do this anymore. who should i follow? heart or mind? myself or my family?

whose happiness should matter more?

damn. i hate these questions. i hate them.

i wish you were here to help me solve these qualms of mine.

but you're not.

dry eyes don't necessarily mean dry pillows. don't let my outer appearance fool you.

you don't know me THAT well.

a gamble.

2007-07-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

anger. it feels so powerful. rage. it feels so good.

i welcome the change. i need the change.

i can't be the old me anymore. the fun has drained within me.

a new life. a new beginning. maybe that's all there is for me.

everyone has their own time for "re-inventions." it's my time.

the grass isn't that green anymore. the water will never be as blue.

the wall is not that sturdy. every aspect is now new.

an old personality left behind. a guarded person's point of view.

a new chance to grow. a new story to be told.

when the right time comes, then may the grief and hurt unfold.

life now. happy and content. i guess there'll always be something missing. if we felt complete, then we wouldn't be striving to 'complete' ourselves. i played a game once in my life. i gambled with fate and faith. it's too early to tell if i have lost or won. but all i can say is that a new life now, i am bound to create.

i will miss you. and i will love you forever. but i guess there are things that need to be sacrificed. selfish but true. not just for me, but also for you.

he treats me well. and i do like him.

but as always, 'come what may.'

the gamble still continues. i am still in the game.

long-time no talk. pvc pipes

2007-07-05T22:39:00.000-07:00

it was nice being able to talk to some friends again... some friends i've not had the chance to catch up with. :) nice hearing them tell stories about their lives and how their courses are affecting their lives.

we've all changed. from the innocent first years we were back then to more mature and experienced adults we are right now. we've all changed. as the saying goes,"day by day, nothing much changes. but when we look back, everything's different."

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my pvc project is actually standing! hahaha :) rugin and i spent almost the whole afternoon at the scene shop yesterday. we were glue-ing the pvc pipes together. to make things worse, one pvc pipe had the wrong measurement, so we kinda had to force it to fit the setup. hahaha :) thus, coming out with the slogan, "kahit hindi papantay, papantayin namin!" hahaha :)

even found out that rug actually knew how to handle a saw. :) hahahaha :) i was impressed. she cut off part of an extra pvc to try to extend the wrong measured piece. she kept on chanting, "isipin mo buto 'to ni kalbo." hahahaha :) it was really hilarious actually. :) even the kuya on that floor sympathized with us. "panlalaking gawain yan ha, bakit kayo yung gumagawa?" hahaha :) well, kuya.. in some cases, everyone's equal. :) but in total honesty, i enjoyed it. :) need to put the finishing touches tomorrow then i'm good to go with my project#2 :)

how i feel today.

2007-07-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

said by raven:

meaning to say, believe in ur abilities.. totoo na hindi tayo lahat pare-parehas ng kakayanan, but one thing that will make things happen is your confidence din... kung baga, dagdag mo yun sa sarili mo... wag kang kukulangan nun... kasi yun ang motivating factor mo eh..

'nuff said.

dialogue. LRT.

2007-06-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

b: the only time we can be friends again is when i be with you and not fall for you all over again.
g: i agree. then let's make the impossible happen... just so we can be friends.

---------------------------

yesterday, i caused a commotion. the LRT stopped midway because of yours truly. wanna know why? umm, i fell down. hahahahaha :) i was standing in the middle and leaning on the wall (that had no handles!). the train jerked forward. i lost my balance. the next thing i knew, my butt was kissing the LRT floor. hahahaha :)

it was a really, really funny scenario. i guess the people were laughing inside. but of course, no one dared laugh in front of me. it was embarrassing... but it was more comedic than shameful. hahaha :) i even pushed the person beside me. good thing she got hold of a handle or something. so i was the only one on the floor. hahahaha :) hallelujah!

such funny lrt escapades. hahaha :)

guarded.

2007-06-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

after all we've been through, almost all friends favor you.
i can't blame them for what they think and know.
since the words and stories all come from you.
i just hope that what they know is the truth.

they know you're side. only a few know mine.
you're the victim in our petty scene of crime.
it's rage and love all mixed together.
but yet they'll know my side never.

they don't ask. and you do tell.
you're the victim in this hell.
your friends leave me all behind.
aching with you, not knowing my side.

this is your story. this is your fame.
that i give you. for what i think sane.
this is my fault. that you want the world to know.
that i admit. now where do we go?

our friendship ruined. you say by me.
you say my fault. then fine, i agree.
you asked for time. i gave you none.
cuz if i did, the problems have again begun.

now you write so full of anger.
you wish me bad - the target of slaughter
the weird thing is, your words the world has read
all think of me as some sadist they want dead.

i give you that. you victim of our crime.
what you want. just not time.
yes, it's something i could spare but just don't want to
cuz again, if i do, i am sure to go back to you.

that can't happen. that you already know.
traditional culture - chinese and filipino.
you ask me to go f*ck myself. that's harsh.
coming from someone who used to give me his heart.

situations have changed. and so have we.
what you've proclaimed is how i be.
it's what people know; it's how people see me.
changes are constant; changes are free.

i see you in school. you have your ways.
all your friends hate me; all their eyes glazed.
i drop my head down, nervous to meet their gaze
see how much hatred you've put in this place?

what you want. i will now respect.
you tell me that what happened you regret.
it's up to you. but this i can say.
i will never regret the way i felt for you.

the way i loved you. maybe i still do.
it's something that will never change.
you wished you never fought for me.
and i must say. i fought for you till the end.

i fought until i couldn't anymore. that's my end.

behind the hatred lies a murderous desire for love.
what two things can you do with a broken jar?
life's a bitch. it can make and break you.
but yet we learn.

i love you. you know that. but we just can't be.
i read what you've written and it hurt me.
i know the situation. i'm aware of it all.
i guess losing you and our friends - that's my downfall.

almost everyone has turned their backs on me.
that's how i feel in school.
thanks to what you've written so clear.
f*cking clear to everyone i used to hold dear.

now you've succeeded in what you had wanted.
for me to hurt and suffer in pain.
now that you've got what you wanted.
are you happy?

but enough's enough.
time for me to be guarded.
i know you hurt. i hurt as well.
but the hurting can't continue.

i love you.
but i have to let you go.
from now on, it's your call.
if you want our friendship to remain.

now i must remind myself. i will be guarded.

why is it so freaking hard?

2007-06-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

why is it so hard for me to do the right thing?

do i follow my heart or my mind?

when will i ever know the difference of right from wrong?

"i'm not used to living life without you..."

"i want you....but i can't have you..."

is this the way life should be?

sometimes, it's hard to have answers.

sometimes, it's hard not to have answers.

fate and faith are cruel at times.

life is cruel.

some people just can't understand what i'm going through. but they're the ones i need to follow.

m: you don't know what you want.
i: i know.
m: really now...then what do you want?
i: no, i meant that i know that i don't know what i want.

it sucks to be so familiar with one person.

you joke about things that only people who know each other for a long time can joke about.

familiarity can be so cruel too.

"i don't know what to do..."

me too.

baring it all.

2007-05-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

if you just knew... how hard it is for me too. if you just knew... i never meant for things to be this way. if you just knew...

the last time i cried, you were there by my side. mbc had told me that he was married to his work. i cried. you were the one i called. you asked me if i was laughing or crying. you said you couldn't make out my words. you told a joke and told me to calm down. you were the one who made me laugh. you made me smile. you comforted me.

this time around, i'm crying because of you.... and i have no familiar hand to hold.

bitch. stupid. weak. those words i know describe me best. as of the moment, i know that what i am going through "serves me right" because of what i did to you. you treated me well. heck, you treated me with all the goodness in the world. you were my version of "the best." but i can't always have the best, now can i?

it started during worlite class. you and i had gotten close. you texted every after class then, an "ingat on your way home!" soon enough, you told me your feelings. you asked if i had them too? we were so innocent, so full of joy. i said yes, i felt them too. you were ecstatic, jumping up with joy. i told you i felt scared. you told me that you were scared too. but you were willing to fight. you asked me if i was willing to fight too? i guess now we know who stayed true.

you got to know my friends. you bonded with them and everything was cool. you started to hang out with us. you spent all of your free time with me. you gave it all to me. you didn't spend much time with your friends because you wanted to spend it with me. i know all this because you told me so. we all became rugin's "roommates." you became our non-tech theater group mate. you taught me how to play with vegas. come to think of it, you taught me how to do a lot of things. you taught me how to love freely and how to follow my heart... guess that lesson didn't really sink in.

you helped us out in every single project. from bond to the birds to our mcdo commercial. you provided us transportation and gave us a hand. you did all of this for me, with no other demands. when i was having a hard time, you stayed by my side. you made sure that i was all right. you helped lift my spirit in times i needed a friend. you made sure that i was always all right. you made sure that i was safe. with you, everything was all right, esp. when you hugged me tight.

shooting dates for bond. you stayed until it was done. we shot in alabang. you lived in alabang. and yet you drove me home. i lived way up north but you still found the time. you were sleepy and tired. but you made sure i got home safely. it was 2 in the morning, the latest day in the shoot. you stayed until pack up and drove me home. we were already in the south but yet you drove me home. sweet things can never be forgotten. i was truly loved by you.

we had dozens of talks. about tradition and stuff. a few weeks during worlite class. in your car. the day we had to go to the theater for sir jay's class. outside the yearbook office. we had innumerable talks. we can't be together. we knew that. our talks always ended in "there's no need to rush. we're just two people in love."

you asked me once, "do you have to ask permission to fall in love?"

when you left for singapore, you told me you loved me. you told me you would miss me. i didn't answer you back. you gave me mocha to hold. you gave me mocha to hug. you gave me mocha to take care of me. you even texted me when you were in singapore, just to let me know you cared.

when you came back, you asked if i missed you. i said no, but you were on my mind every single day. it sounds weird, hearing it again. but that was how i felt. no, i didn't miss you. but yes, you were on my mind. ironic but true. it was the same when you asked me if i loved you. i told you that sometimes i do. you laughed, "so sometimes you don't love me and sometimes you do? well, at least you do love me... sometimes nga lang."

we were going to eat at kfc. hannah was going to buy sisig. we were standing in front of pizza hut. i saw a girl with a round box. i said, "sure ako cake yan." you said that maybe it was. you put your arms around me then. you kissed my cheek. it felt so right then and there. a perfect moment indeed.

your crazy antics of making me laugh never fail to amuse me. and my friends.

i shouted in your face. i don't know why i did it. you looked down and turned away. but never for a minute did you leave my side. i said sorry and you said you understood. a hurting puppy-look on your face. but you said you understood. you hugged me and everything faded away.

"keep your hands to yourselves." -magic 89.9

you gave me tiger. well, you wanted to name him danger. i disagreed. you gave me him for christmas. he was wrapped in a box along with three chocolate flower lollipops. you said that i should beware of what was inside the box. when i opened it, i smiled.

i was almost kicked out of the house when i mentioned your name. i was given the silent treatment whenever you drove me home. i couldn't talk on the phone with you. guess if i wasn't stopped when i had a ton of pills in my hand, i wouldn't be typing this right now.

we watched the devil wears prada and zsa zsa zaturnnah. but with friends.

you gave me a necklace with a flower pendant during valentine's day. you asked me to close my eyes and put it on my neck. you were nervous. you skipped your class. we went to moa for a few minutes but then we had to go back to school. i had to go home.

you gave me kybe (pinky bear) and a bracelet for my birthday. it brightened up my day, esp. after we got a 1.0 on our course cards. you were always there for me.

when we text, you got conscious of your grammar. you were making tampo. you texted me a message that had one misspelled word. you texted me the message again with the word spelled correctly. i laughed. "crazy girl, i'm here pouring my heart out. and of course, binibigyan mo ng pansin yung grammar ko."

barbs. crazy girl. dino sounds. wabu. mybe.

we were never an item. we couldn't be. we were... as people say, friends with benefits.

you did a lot of things for me.

you said, "You were holding on to me while I was holding on to us. I tried to keep myself strong for the both of us. Maybe it’s time I should let you go. Maybe it’s time for me to let go of “us."

we both knew we couldn't be. we both knew this was going to end. but why does it hurt so much?

i have my faults. i'm sorry. but this is what i have to do. i'm a bitch for hurting you. and all i can say is that i'm sorry.

i wish we could be friends once more. if you can forgive me. but no, i did not do what you think i did. i would never do that to you. i might be blaming it all on tradition, but everything i'm saying is true. i did not go out to get over you. i would never do anything to hurt you. you must know that by now.

but then again, who am i to trust? i just want you to know that i have been true.

if you believe in me, that would be the greatest thing. i miss you. i really do.

back to school. new challenges. new building.

2007-05-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

back to school... back to projects and stress... and most of all, back to life.

guess bitterness sometimes can get the best out of you. i have lost a friend. as the lyrics go, "where did i go wrong, i lost a friend. somewhere along in the bitterness..." yes, i have lost a dear friend of mine. i don't know what will happen when the two of us meet in the school hallways. i don't know how i will react. but i guess waiting for him to greet me first is my best bet. it is he who is mad at me. misunderstanding and miscommunication can be such a deadly tool.

going to the topic of the school of design and arts building... it is HUGE. yes, my school is not just big, it is HUGE. HUMONGOUS. and it's colored white. so double the huge-ness :) hahaha :) me and my friends are still getting lost inside the new building. thank goodness for the security people in their barongs who are there for us in every floor of our 14 floor building. they even open the doors for us! how cool is that?! hahaha :)

downside with the building is that there are only 5 elevators and a population of hundreds of students entering the campus. and only 2-3 elevators are actually in use. imagine this: we started lining up at around 2:10pm; we got to the 9th floor by 2:35pm; thus, making us late for our class. ugh. hahahaha :) oh well. also, when someone speaks in the classroom, his/her voice echoes. and it's hard to hear the prof speaking. it's like hearing this, "good morning, class!" ... class...class... class..class.. okay, i'm exaggerating. but you get the point.

nonetheless, i like our new building :) it's so.... new. hahahaha :)

my letter to you...

2007-05-14T07:35:00.001-07:00

tradition has always haunted me. for the past years, i've come to rebel against tradition. for me, it is forsaken. a curse and a blessing at the same time. i have fought against tradition a couple of times, and i have always lost.

with you, tradition was one big problem but you made it seem small. you told me once that as long as we enjoy each other's company, tradition will never get the best of us. it will always be there - a problem, a hindrance - but it will never destroy us. i believed in those words. i believed that i could do it. i knew that i would fight for what i deemed right.

but again, i have lost. i have lost the fight; i have failed. i know that these words will mean nothing to you. but saying it out beats storing it inside.

you once said that there were things that keep us apart... race and class were part of them. at first, i did not understand. or maybe i didn't want to understand. either way, i thought nonsense of it. but maybe you're assumptions were correct. you have always been the smarter one.

all i can say is that i'm not sorry with the decision i made. i know that i might be sorry in the future. but i live by the motto, "i will regret it greatly when the time comes." i know i will regret my decision but i also know that it is the right one to make.

i will always cherish what you and i have or had. our friendship means a lot to me. and i treasure it a lot. i don't want to lose you. that's for sure.

tradition will always be part of my life. i guess it is time i realize that. i cannot hide from it. so i won't. i cannot escape it. i might consider it a hindrance, but it is part of who i am.

i'm sorry for the pain. i guess that's all i can say.

i hope not much will change.

you will always have a place in my heart and my life. you know that.

i just hope to God that what i'm doing is right.

rollercoaster birthday.

2007-04-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

finals are officially finished for the term! :) hallelujah! :) hahahaha :) one big load off my back. :)

had my birthday yesterday. :) guess it was my gift that finals ended at the same day. :) however, my birthday was an emotional rollercoaster. full of ups and downs. it felt fun but sad at the same time. filled with tears and laughter. okay, let me elaborate.

wednesday (april 18) - i didn't get much sleep because our thesis paper, partdes final paper, and tecthe4 defense were all due on that day. it was pressuring and stressful but knowing that it was my bday and the last day of finals made the day sound less depressing and stressful than it was. my mom cooked bday noodles (yum!) :) when i went to school, my friends greeted me happy birthday :) it was okay. we went to tecthe4 class, which was under sir jay. then did we know that our panel was composed of sir jay himself (terror), a guest panel who worked for the show control of star city (uh-oh), and ms. alfon (on-the-spot-suicide). currently, the conflict between our batch and our chairperson (ms. alfon) has not yet been resolved. so, in short, we were D.E.A.D.

the presentation began. the guest asked us questions that we couldn't answer well. and ms alfon sat there looking all smug and all. it was good that i still found the human nature in me and stop myself from lunging towards her and strangle her. (having lindsay lohan in mean girls in mind... hahaha) but yeah, she was like, "that's a real easy question. ba't hindi niyo masagot?" i should've asked her on the spot, "why miss, i would very much like you to enlighten me." for someone who mixes up the job of a technical director with a lighting designer, i should say i would very much like to hear her side. forgive me for saying those things. but i would just like to rant out everything i'm feeling.

in the end, she specifically told us that we should withdraw our tecthe6 (thesis2) class next term since no one will pass tecthe5 (thesis1). and to think that we were reporting in our tecthe4 (AUTOMATION) class. hmm... tecthe4 and tecthe5 have no relation at all, right? so, WHY BRING IT UP? what the hell is it with her and her, "and i'm speaking as the chairperson of your course." bullshit. she may be the chairperson, but it doesn't give her the right to emotionally and PHYSICALLY abuse her students. it's just not right.

so after the presentation, the whole class had blank stares. hahahaha :) we were all stressed and sabaw. then we were scolded by sir jay and told by ms. alfon that we were going to fail our thesis. it was like a curse had been brought onto us ever since 'the birds' came into our lives. i swear that i will burn 'the birds' if i see another copy of it. :) hahahaha :)

sir jay. in his class, we were always the ones reporting. our topic was show control. DMX 512, RS-232, token passing, network topologies, etc etc etc. and he expects us to understand what the hell we were reporting. hmm... i have to be honest that we all sure as hell had a hard time reporting and researching the topics. yes, it was a process of learning and what better way to learn if not by researching and finding out yourself. crap. it was hard enough to research the topics. more so, UNDERSTAND them. it was HARD. esp. when we aren't exposed to the things we're studying. since our ojt2 was put to waste on acting and other school programs. yes, we have dealt with the LRC people a lot of times. now, can we move on? hahaha :) i should say that our chairperson still needs her alipins. unfortunately, that was "us" before. but now, i guess... rebellion runs in our course. hahaha :)

as if getting a 2.5 wasn’t enough, sir jay just had to release our tecthe4 course cards on that day too. the whole class got one grade. 1.0. hallelujah! frak. good-bye DL. good-bye candidacy for cum laude. good-bye hope. hello hell. frak!

i’m wondering if he’s happy right now that he’s given us a piece of his mind. better yet, i’m wondering if ms. alfon is cheering in her seat after getting what she wanted. she told us once, “…i am going to make sure that you lose your scholarships. you don’t even deserve a grade. you deserve a 0.0.” imagine the orc from LOTR then read what she said again. frak, I am so mean.

so there goes my school-life birthday. i’ve always wondered what it feels like to have classes or be in school on my birthday. well, it seems like I got my answer. Hahahaha J good-bye trimestral plaque for me.

one more thing. sir jay mentioned that, “you make your own grades. Wala namang personalan ditto eh.” BULLSHIT! hahahahahaha :) and he’s going to tell one of my friends that ms alfon said that she’ll fail him if attitude was the basis. or that ms. alfon was going to bring us down and make sure we fail miserably just because we didn’t want to be her “alipin” in doing ‘the birds’ anymore? Oh yeah, did I mention that ms. alfon said that, “go ahead and quit ‘the birds,’ but make sure that your thesis is good. because I will fail you. and I won’t make any considerations anymore.” Uh, tell me again what CONNECTION “the birds,” our SHOW CONTROL defense, and our THESIS has with one another? Really now, I want someone to enlighten me. Because now that they’re saying that “walang personalan,” I can only tell them one thing – BULLSHIT.

well, my birthday wasn’t all THAT bad. J I got a teddy bear and bracelet from migs. hee hee :) then, a lot of my friends greeted me and Hannah, rug, Jackie, arnie, dane, and rox sang “happy birthday” for me, esp. when we received the 1.0 course cards. Hahahaha :) as I said, my birthday was an emotional rollercoaster. I believe that this will be one of my most unforgettable birthdays ever. :)

but really, i still thank God for my birthday :) ate out that night at eastwood :) hee hee :) tsarap!

the wheel of life

2007-04-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

me and achi [admu grounds]

sometimes you're up while sometimes you're down. up and down. like a seasaw. a ferris wheel. a tire.

first and foremost, a big KUDOS to my dear and beloved achi :) she got her well-deserved ADMU diploma marked cum laude. :) a big congratulations to her! she deserves every wonderful thing that she's experiencing right now. :) i love her so much. :)

that's the up side of my life.

finals is nearing. the worst is my thesis defense. i'm writing a research paper, not a thesis. --> that's my prof's statement. it's my problem. oh well, good luck to me.

that's me going down under.

last time i blogged...

2007-03-30T01:05:00.000-07:00

the rocks beneath the ocean (at shore) - so clear and clean (c2!)

mom, shoti ford, and me on the buggy kart trail around the island. :)

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been a while since i last blogged.

last time i blogged, i was not this brown, or should i say red :) hahahaha :) i've been called names like eunigra, nognog, swelato (swelling tomato), and tomato :) i had not went to subic yet and enjoyed the view grande island provided. :) i had not yet experienced the thrill in riding a banana boat (though we specifically asked that we not be tipped over in the middle of the ocean) and in driving a buggy kart :) it was really fun. i was with mom and little sister, uncle and aunt, and two of my cousins. :) it was nice to just sit down on the shore and try to skip stones with lynford. :) hahaha :) he was soooo cute! :) all of us got really red when we came back to manila. :)

last time i blogged, i had not met up with michael (emcee) to arrange some things for ama's upcoming birthday. achi rowena, achi, and me went to the philippine plaza hotel last sunday (right after i came back from subic) to get some suggestions and ideas from michael. he was nice and accomodating, letting us enter and sit down in a wedding reception of someone we don't know :) hahahaha :) but we got some good ideas from him. after that, the three of us went to harbour square to collect our thoughts. :)

last time i blogged, i was still the production manager of "the birds." i was still under the wing of our chairperson. now i'm not. :) hahahaha :) though she threatened to fail our thesis and not let us graduate, i'm still happy i have a load off my shoulders. is it even right for a faculty to threaten students that way? is it even right to curse students face-to-face (e.g. f*ck off!!! before i throw my bag to your face! and what the f*ck do you think you're doing?") and we are supposed to come from a school of class. it seems as if our parents pay our tuition to let us be cursed at. tsk tsk. wrong move for that person. because honestly, my patience is running out. she is already on our nerves. hahahaha :)

sentimentality.

2007-03-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

(IMAGINE. 2006. SOUND DESIGN class)

was just looking at some of my friends' friendster pages a while ago. they had a lot of pictures telling what they've been up to these past few years. funny how friendster works - it's able to tell you how someone is or what s/he's been up to through a few testimonials and pictures.

it also brought me back to the past years. some friends have went abroad, some are planning to, some are still studying, some are about to graduate, some still keep in touch, while others have cut the connection. it's nice to see how different we've all become - how mature we are and how different are lives are now - but sad to know that we find out these differences through electronic pages and not through live communication (phone, face-to-face) means.

passed by the page of the person i, once upon a time, considered to be my "angel in disguise." chatted with him a few days ago. but he had to prepare for a statistics exam so didn't chat that long. it was nice getting the chance to chat with him again, even if it was by means of the internet. he's changed. he's become a person who is now my own "familiar stranger." i know that he's still the guy who i knew back in elementary - some changes here and there, but i know that he's still the same. or at least i hope that he's still the same. because if he has grown up and if he has become a different person, it is then that he will be a complete stranger to me, without any sign of familiarity.

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a month or so is left before the doors of the school will be closed. but no doors will be closed upon those who have to rehearse for "the birds" who live in cloudcockooland. it is a curse that we are all happy to be in. a web i am somehow happy to be caught in. this production is a chance to prove myself that i am worthy. it is a challenge for me to accept. but it is also a curse that will not be broken until it is executed. it will follow me and haunt me until the day i welcome guests into the theater. until then, i will not rest in peace.

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i miss my high school friends. i miss having laughs with them. i miss catching up with their lives. i miss asking the question, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" because i know that we are in that stage of growing up already. i miss playing hide-and-seek and ice-water with them. jackstones, mi pao, and chinese garter are three of the things we grew up with. i miss them. i miss time. i miss time spent with them.

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college is about to end. time is so fast. i don't know if i'll be able to graduate on time or not. i really hope i do. time is such a precious thing. money is wasted because of time (or is it the other way around).

but college... is a very precious thing for me. the people i met in college. it'll be a waste if i didn't meet them in my time here on earth. i love college. i love my friends.

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sentiments are precious. emotions are precious. tears are precious. TIME is precious.

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happy birthday to rocki ng! ( ' o ' )V

midterm week and after.

2007-03-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

midterm week. hell week. i was practically on the verge of giving up. if you had pushed me off a cliff that week, i'd have rolled down without hesitation.

LRT incident: tuesday morning. was supposed to wear my corporate attire for the thesis proposal defense. was wishing with all my might that the car would be available and i'd have a ride to school, the laptop bag being part of my attire. and as all wishes, my wish didn't come true. i had to ride the train. as i was going to the girls' cabin, i guy spat on the LRT platform. yuck! he totally spat on the floor, and his spit was just a few centimeters away from my pant leg. YUCK! totally gross. eww...

SHOE INCIDENT: still tuesday and still the day of my thesis defense/presentation. to match my corporate attire, i wore my ever-so-loved boots. i wore the pair ever since the days of 'the importance of being earnest.' my thesis class was done. we decided to hang out at rug's to chill out, esp. to cool our minds. i fell asleep for an hour or two.. and when i woke up, my shoe greeted me with its mouth wide open. talk about being unlucky. =<>

ANOTHER LRT INCIDENT: nowadays, i hate the train and i don't know why. commuting, to me, seems so cruel. esp. when there are tons of people wanting to have a seat. the one thing that i enjoy when i ride the train, though, is that i can admire the different kinds of people i see everyday. however, it's funny when people catch you staring at them. there was this girl in black who kept on looking at me from head to toe, judging my choice of fashion (which is a flat zero) i suppose. i looked at her and she never looked at my direction again. :) but karma strikes fast. a girl in a fully designed white shirt came in the train and i couldn't take my eyes off her shirt. she looked at me and i never looked her way again. :) hahahahaha :) but really, it's nice to see how different people deal with each other. :)

least my thesis proposal presentation is over. whew! and thank God for postponing the show dates of 'the birds.' :) i might not strangle myself just yet. :) hahahaha :)

achi's gonna graduate in a few weeks already. yay!!! :) happy graduation to my achi :) love her lots lots lots!!! :) weee! :)

lrt incident and day of hearts

2007-02-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

LRT incident (monday 02-12-07)

if you're an lrt commuter like me, you'll know that when i say that "the lrt broke down," it means major disaster! i was supposed to ride from monumento, but when i got to the station, it seemed as if people were being recruited for an upcoming event. the stairs were filled with people. the crowd covered the the whole sidewalk and even reached the streets. that was how full it was. so i thought that maybe 5th ave was not such a bad idea. :) bad suggestion. same scenario there.

i didn't have a choice but to wait. it was like a movie scene really. everyone had their backs to me. we were all in a daze. minutes passed. just like the story of "hope for the flowers," some caterpillars went down while others fell. we were like those caterpillars. some went down and decided to ride a jeep instead (even jeepneys then were FULL).

minutes passed. the trains had life again. everyone ascended one step at a time. our movements were all synchronized. one step ahead meant one step closer to the entrance. we all walked in a trance. we were in a daze. it was as if an unspoken voice was commanding us to ascend. finally, the entrance to the platform seemed like a goal. we reached the goal. we had won.

was late for class that day. thank God the prof got in later than i did! hahaha :) yay!

there was a funny incident too. we were at the pedro gil station. only the first door of the cart opened. after a few minutes, the train was about to leave (take note: the other doors weren't opened). when the train revved up, the people who had to leave the station started to shout. :) it was really funny actually. hee hee :) the train stopped midway and let the people out. -- one of the incidents in the lrt. :) hahaha :)

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vday. day of hearts. heart day. hahaha :) spent the day with friends. sir aranda cancelled our class. we went to our friend's condo, only to find out that she went out. :) hahaha :) we picnicked outside her condo - ate popsicle sticks and the lollipop that had the popping poweder - then went to shakey's since jax wanted to treat us :) what a nice valentine's day for me :D hahaha :) yum! it was really fun. :) miguel gave me a necklace with a flower pendant. :) hee hee :)

it was pretty fun to see the people in school. both guys and girls alike were carrying bouquets, flowers, stuffed toys, balloons, etc. :) it was really nice. :) at least 80% of the people in school were carrying something. couldn't avoid the tummy-wrenching feeling when the girls were carrying bouquets :) hee hee :) but i had a great valentine's day. :)

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time to do my thesis :)

random thoughts

2007-01-30T16:30:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to my mom! :) love her very much. love her dearly to the max. :)

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i'm here at the benildean yearbook office right now. just chatted with denmarc and told him that our film's already in eric's hands for scoring. i hope everything turns out well with the film.

i feel so left out here. i guess it may be because i haven't spent much time here in the office for the past term. But i do try to make up for the time lost. might be 'cause i'm not that close with the new staffers and that i do miss the bond i had with the old staffers, but being here in the office right now just seems different. i feel left out and, for quite some time now, the perkiness i used to have has toned down.

i want to be the person i was before - fun, carefree, and enjoyable. but i guess it'll take a lot of time and guts to bring that person back again.

maybe it's just me. i've changed. maybe that's why i feel left out. that's why, at times, i feel that no one understands me. i'm weird, that's a given. but i guess there are times my weird ness brings the best out in me.

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how can someone have that much hate in his heart? i don't remember doing much damage to his life, but him hating me is such a terrible issue. it's bad enough that our friendship was ruined, but bad-mouth me? tell another person that i'm going to ruin the person's life? i may be a bitch, but i don't have the guts to ruin someone's life.

i don't want this issue to bother me or anything. but i guess the feeling of knowing someone hates you stays in you till forever.

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race, place, and class - someone once told me that those are the three things that become big issues against us. maybe so or maybe not. only time can tell, or so they say.

what is happiness? for me, having everyone i love happy is my happiness. and i guess my happiness doesn't really depend on me... sad but true.

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dreamcatchers. so beautiful. so peaceful. so mysterious. so perfect in its own imperfections. why can't everything be that way? or am i the only one who doesn't allow it be?

...

pressure and shock

2007-01-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

last time i wrote an entry was a few days before school. now i type an entry a few weeks after the start of school. and i can describe my last few weeks in a word: CRAZY.

. i have to write my thesis proposal this term. THIS TERM. i have to write and submit my thesis proposal in the next 11 weeks or else i fail the class. and i don't even have a concrete idea or thesis statement yet. but no, it is still not the time to panic. i still have 11 weeks to think of a topic, research on every single freaking question or detail the panel would most likely ask me about, and submit an astounding thesis proposal. hmm.. not bad. not bad at all. if i had the mind of einstein. but no, i have to come up with something soon. because the clock's ticking and i still have no idea on what i'm supposed to do (hey, that sounded like a line from a song.. cooL! pwede na akong songwriter!) i don't know how i'm going to set a play in, i dunno, a different era or something. it's like setting 'the importance of being earnest' in african template. hahahahaha :) where the monkeys talk to each other.. hahaha :) now, i'm undoubtedly insane.

.. aside from the thesis proposal, we have an upcoming production to trouble ourselves with. yes, the undying power of THE BIRDS. i have been a student-who-wants-nothing-to-do-with-the-play to the stage manager to the production manager. tsk tsk tsk. well, i welcome the opportunity and all, but i don't know if i can handle the load. wah. ack. erk. blag. poof. and production manager! God help me. this prodcution isn't like any other typical production. no, what's exciting about this production is that it's a mixture of black light theater, animation, dance, and live action. yeah, it's cool. but it's hard and time consuming as well.

... as if the being part of the play wasn't enough, one of my professors assigned me to organize the field trip we'll be having this coming february. i welcome the acknowledgement and duty, but the problem is... i only know one-fourth of the class. the three-fourths... i thought that we had this bond that we only had during our class. okay, PR skills to be put to use once again. oh bloody hell. but i guess organizing a field trip wouldn't be that hard... it's just the bus, the places we're going to, the food, the itinerary, the contact nos. of my classmates (i don't even know their names!)... yeah, it'll be easy. this wouldn't have been endowed upon me if i didn't know what to do. waaaaah!!!!!!

.... and i still have to sit through my 6-9 classes. i'm guessing one of my professor's favorite dish is FROTHY delight. yeah, his saliva froths up in the corners of his mouth every time he talks. one word: yuck. and as if that wasn't enough, he has this weird way of talking. my friends and i have been intellectually debating on whether he was once a poor person (as in squatter) or if he was just really maltreated financially. plus, we're actually getting used to him and not actually laugh out loud in front of him. we have mastered the power of CONTROL.

..... and one of my professors actually told us he'd drop us if we came to class unprepared again... waaaah!!!! but the topics he gives us are hard... and... and... and... we can't understand every single thing... and... and... and... i'm dead meat if i don't master my report for next week...

...... breathe. breathe. breathe. i'm heaving.

....... at least i have a subject that actually required us to watch POTC2 so that we can discuss the cinematography in class. least it's something i'm gonna love doing. except for the fact that it's cinematography. and POTC2? i think most scenes were CG generated (did i say it correctly?) or green-screened. i mean, i have no doubt brokeback mountain's cinematography is to die for but the prof doesn't want to watch the movie. oh well, professor's orders. me? i just want to enjoy the show :) and, well, take note of some shots that look interesting. :)

the break's end. speaking nonsense.

2007-01-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

my vacation days are numbered. going back to school in a few days. not excited but not glum either. i've come to accept the fact that going to school is inevitable and that i should just take in the agony. hmm... agony would be exaggerating it a bit since i do tend to have fun in school, but still! i don't wanna go to school... not just yet. but then again, when did life ever hear my plea?

i figure i'm actually speaking nonsense right now. as in COMPLETE nonsense. but that's how i am when there are two days left of absolute freedom before being locked behind the bars of an excruciating term-to-be. come to think of it, i might actually enjoy this coming term. but then again, 'might' is the same as 'akala' and "maraming namamatay sa akala" or so they say.

what will be in store for me this term? the same pressure? the same agony? the same frustrations? i hope not. i don't want to be howling into another friend's ear in the middle of the term, saying, "i don't want this life anymore! i need help!" or lovingly gazing at the different bottles of pills and wondering what the world would be like without me in it. hmmm.... i might actually write a script about that. what would life be without me. thoughts of a lunatic-in-disguise. not a bad idea.

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spent christmas and new year's with my family clan and food. all sorts of food. christmas wouldn't be complete without my guama's (grandmother-mother side) special lumpia lunch. and of course new year's eve wouldn't be new year's eve if not for our annual pot-luck dinner party over at my grandmama's. and then we also have our annual get-together over at my uncle's house. got to chit-chat with my UNCLE jeff, who is younger than me and my chinese classmate back in high school. it was fun. missed talking to him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i guess i wouldn't be surprised if i need glasses anytime soon. i've been watching tons of vcds these days. my way of slacking off and letting the whole world know it. i know it's nothing to be proud of. but hey, i didn't spend the whole day in front of the tv. half maybe, not the whole though. there's a big difference. little manhattan. the family stone. the classic. tuck everlasting. red eye. one-fourth of star wars (it was on star movies, didn't get to watch the whole thing). etc. plus watched kasal, kasali, kasalo and zsa zsa zaturnnah on the movie screen. kkk was good. zsa zsa... i'd rather watch the play. which reminds me, zsa zsa ze musikal is to be shown at ccp this jan. 19-28 (if i'm not mistaken) at the ccp-tanghalang huseng batute. so watch now! omg. i sound like an ad. that's bad. but really, it's a must-see. and no, i don't earn anything by advertising it. i wish i did, but i don't.

i have got to stop speaking nonsense. crap.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

so there, i'm really happy to go back to school. honest. go figure. yech.

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kid: sasabungin ko siya sayo.
mother: susumbungin.
kid: sasabungin ko siya. sabi niya sakin "buti nga!"

kids. go figure. hahahaha :)

nearing christmas break.

2006-12-26T11:50:00.000-08:00

it's been a while since i've logged on to the internet. :) christmas has gone. new year is yet to come. :) for the past few weeks....

. i, along with my filmpro groupmates, have made a movie entitled, "bond." :) it was pretty nice, having been part of a production. we spent around two nights just to film. got home at 1:05am and 2am, respectively. hahaha :) but it was really fun... loved the experience. loved the outcome even more. :)
to direct a film has always been my dream, and now it has partially come true :) hahaha ;) it might just be a school project. but the thing is, the group didn't treat it as a school project. :) it was something else... a dream waiting to come true. :)

.. we dealt with four shows. yes, we technical directed FOUR shows for the past weeks. a dance recital, a music production recital, a fashion show, and a SAO program. i do have to admit that we kind of slacked off during some programs for the fact that we were drained physically, emotionally, and mentally (and hey, i'm not exaggerating.) however, the experience was something else. we dealt with a lot of different people and learned to compromise as well as to lead. but yes, it was very tiring, esp. since the shows came one after the other. now i know what my professors meant when they said, "if you really want to earn money by technical directing, you'd have to kill yourself with shows first." :) hahahaha :) but really, i still wish we could at least experience one show that's outside school - the real world, as they say. :)

... got my course cards for the term. hehehe :) grades were good, and i'm happy. but still don't want the break to end. hahaha :)

.... went ice-skating at moa with college friends. it was fun seeing sonson skate. he was panting and holding on the rails for his dear life. hahaha :) he was so cute to look at :) ate lunch at tokyo tokyo then went ice skating then walked around, went to pupung's to eat again then went to starbucks. :) hahaha :) our trip was full of eating. :) enjoyed pupung's a lot, esp. since they moved to moa. (they used to have branch near csb.) their sisig is the best! :)

..... went out with high school friends on the 21st. ate dinner at conti's, greenhills. it was really, really fun being with them again. and this time around, i wasn't the only girl. woop-de-doo! :) hahahaha :) shared stories with yannie and her boyfriend, des, meme, michie, jack, cats, che che. :) too bad sophie had to leave early since she had an early flight the next day. :) fen, yanyan, johan, jimai, buddy, erick, and pochi went too :) it was just really fun having bonded with them again. :) hope to get together with them again some time soon... while our scheudule's not THAT hectic yet :) plus, hope that next time, the others will be able to go. :)

...... one of the negative things i've found out before christmas, though, was that some friends just aren't who they seem to be. you think that they're heaven-sent and that they'd do no harm to you. but, as the saying goes, "nobody's perfect." i guess it's just hard to see through those imperfections at times. esp. when those imperfections mean that they talk behind your back (backstabbing you) and that they put words in your mouth.
you see them smiling at you and talking to you like old times. you never think that they'd do something like that to you. but then you think again. you look at them once again. and you see a sneer underneath those smiles. you see something you've never seen before - betrayal and "kaplastikan."
i'm not perfect myself. and i admit that there are times i do say some things, esp. when i'm fed up with a certain situation. and yes, i do tend to talk behind some people's backs. so i guess i'm in no position to complain. i'm just saying that i hope and wish that i don't turn into someone like those who have done more harm to me through words than actions.

anyway, merry christmas! :) and happy new year. :)

eastwood.

2006-11-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

*see the BIG fishbowl iced tea? :) hahaha :) [jack's loft - nov. 25, 2006]

------------------------------

today's ahia han's birthday! :) so happy birthday to him! :)

went out with them yesterday. them = high school friends = johanan, jimai, erick, yanyan, fen, buddy, casper, and patsy. :) i was, yet again, the only girl in the group of boys who watched happy feet at eastwood city. :) believe it or not, we spent almost two hours in jimai's car just going to eastwood from manila. there was traffic everywhere :) hahaha :) it was fun... been a while since i've last gone out with friends, esp. high school ones.

happy feet was soooo cute! baby mumbles and baby gloria are the best! :) they're just soooo cute! :)

gloria: is it empty? can i keep it? (waaaaah!!!! :) hahahaha)

after the movie, we went to eat at jack's loft :) it was the first time i saw iced tea served in a fishbowl :) hahaha :) it was BIG. cool place to be - cozy and relaxing :)

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just something to brighten up one's day :)

fed up with myself.

2006-11-23T00:10:00.000-08:00

that's all there is to explain.

-----------------------

message: (1857 - on the way home)

sorry a while ago... mood swings got the best of me. guess that's why God never gives me someone i can love freely. that might be my lesson to learn. sometimes, it's just easier to put to words how you feel. writing freely, hoping not to offend anyone. i don't know... stress and me just don't mix well. my pride just can't take the fact that other people's ideas and scripts will be used and glorified, even if there is no initiative to start things whatsoever. they get all the credit without knowing that i, too, am a seeker of attention. my pride consumes my all, leaving me with nothing... but hatred inside. lost in time, but not even willing to find another way out.

----------------------

i submitted three works to the shades of gray...wishing that even just one of my works would be published. the issue came out a while ago. my works weren't there. am i THAT BAD a writer?

----------------------

once again, i'm drowning. i see light and try to swim up. a force pushes me back down. i don't know how to swim. i gag. i run out of breath. i see a figure. my eyes widen. my vision blurs. my last word. YOU. i die.

----------------------

got mad at him last monday (11-20-06). he disappeared when we were ordering food from the caf. we were seated already. he came up behind me with a bag of cello's pillows. "peace offering 'to.. peace na tayo..." all smiles and enjoyment. he apologized and bought cello's without doing anything wrong. it was all me. my mood swings. my inconsideration. my inattentiveness. my insensitiveness. my fault. and he was the one who said sorry.

-----------------------

*conversations:

M: Can i go to...
A: No.
M: it's a friend's church concert.
A: No.
M: (silence)

M: ... and then A and B were.... then he gave me Cello's as a piece offering.
Y: who gave who?
M: he gave me.
Y: (silence)
M: (-_-) okay, change topic.

moa episode...

2006-11-17T00:30:00.000-08:00

went to mall of asia, better known as moa these days, last weekend. and for the first time, i actually saw what has been proclaimed the second largest mall in asia. it was indeed large, but in a nice way. only went to a portion of the mall since we arrived at around 7:30pm already. and since our main purpose for going to the mall was to eat, that's exactly what we did.

having decided on a restaurant (tokyo cafe - yummy place, just like the restaus in japan), i took the liberty to go to the one place i consider heaven in that mall - the skating rink. i went alone as my family waited to be seated. :) after envying and at the same time admiring the rink and the skaters, i felt my tummy grumble and decided to go back. i checked my celphone and saw my sister calling me. as i answered, a small bald guy (as in panot na pangit) approached me.

panot: miss, pwede makipagkilala sayo?
me: (look at him, keep walking while talking with achi)
panot: (follows me) miss, pwede makipagkilala sayo?
me: (put celphone in my bag and keep walking)
-i see a crowd and blend in. i come out of the crowd.-
panot: (appears from i-don't-know-where) miss, anong oras na?
me: (keep walking... fast-paced without looking back)
-i got to the restaurant, went in, sat down, and shuddered.-

the end.

talk about freaky.

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quote to share:

"Girls love to shop. But the only thing we're shopping for is PERMISSION."
-Cathy, the comic strip

places...

2006-11-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

on a kalesa named Piolo (touring heritage village, vigan)

fort ilocandia (laoag)

paoay church (laoag tour)

saud beach (pagudpud tour)

cape bojeador light house (pagudpud tour)

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ever memorial cemetery...

nov. 1, '06 -- ever since angkong died, we've added a semi-family reunion every year - a trip to the cemtery. this year's his 4th death year, if i'm not mistaken. the candles have changed from white to yellow to red.. and and has stayed red for the past year.

gathered around angkong's mausoleum and, once again, bonded with cousins. talked about "arranged meetings" with my cousins and some guys and their reactions with it. ate a lot too... what with the food being served. yum! :) raven stayed with us too. his lola died last year (i think)... we talked about school stuff and what we were gonna do after. it was cool since raven actually got to see and meet my whole family. hehehe :) because of chit-chatting wtih my cousins and raven underthe sun, i got a sunburn. people go to the beach to get a tan; i go to the cemtery. go figure. hahaha :)

my nephews and nieces are growing up so quickly. they're fireballs that never run out of energy. :) they're really cute and charming. hehe.. :)

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to laoag and back...

went to laoag over the past weekend (nov. 2-5). stayed at fort ilocandia. the sister of fontana, i'd say the resort is a really lovely place. it was huge and the rooms were real comfy. shobe loved the pool there and swam for three consecutive afternoons - explains the tan she's got. (",) also had the chance to ride the ATV with shobe; the motor bike like vehicle that runs in the sand. imagine a movie scene - two people having fun riding while the wind pushed our hair back. fun fun fun... then the car tips over. the dust from the sand flies up and the elder girl rushes up to find the younger one. she sees the younger one and rushes to help her up. she sees the car tipped over and gas dripping from it. she pulls the hand of the younger one and runs for her life, predicting that the car will blow. they're covered with dust and the younger one is filled with shock. - that was what happened. :) well, i didn't run for my life though.. exaggerated that part :D it is a movie scene after all (",)

vigan... ilocos sur

toured vigan with a tour guide from fort ilocandia. there was max's fried chicken! wow! :) hahaha :) there was no dunkin donuts though, only mister donut. passed through heritage village, juan luna's museum, etc. also bough vigan longganisa.. heard it was good. :) hehehe :) haven't cooked it though. ilocos sur was a more historical place.

pagudpud... ilocos norte

the name was derived from pagod na at pudpud na ang paa. :) ilocos norte is the more nature-friendly and relaxing place. :) went to the light house that sir dennis told us about. cool place. :) loved the beach we went to - saud beach. :) clean water and white sand. :)

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family reunion (nov. 11)

it was angkong's birthday. went to golden fortune to celebrate. typical family reunion... ate and talked to cousins. :) the fun part was when one of my nieces approached me and played with me. her name's jamie. the thing is, she's the "mataray" type. she never even looked at me before. and that night, she played with me. :D imagine the smile i had on my face. :) hahaha :) moreover, she hugged me. she hugged me and planted a kiss on my cheek! :) wee!!!! :) even her dad, ahia james, was surprised. :) cute little girl jamie is... hope this 4-year-old girl won't forget me anytime soon :) wonder if she'll play with me still on the next fam reunion. hope she will :)

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though to share:

"don't blame the gun, blame the hand that pulled the trigger."
-direk jon red. indie film workshop. 11 nov 06.

fun fun fun :)

2006-10-31T23:20:00.000-08:00

tagaytay -- achi ste, achi, me, cherie, and bri :)

jed, raven, shirley, phangga, aica :)

sir john, me, mandy, hannah, and jackie :)

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duyan ng kagitingan (oct. 24-27, 2006)

the production is finally done. capoot! (uh... i dunno if i used the expression correctly or not... =P) had five shows and all went well. one show per day from tuesday to thursday and two shows on friday. the runs were pretty good. i didn't really like the run i had on wednesday though. i committed a lot of mistakes, like forgetting my lines and not showing the white hanky (which was actually a very impt. hand prop). and that was the night ahia han, buddy, erick, jimai, and casper (wow, new friend!) went to watch. oh well, so much for confidence when people you know are there to support you. :) hehehe :)

the one run wherein i really felt the audience was a big challenge was the thursday show. the audience had no reaction at all. they weren't reacting AT ALL. that's one thing that makes actors and actresses backstage nervous. the audience didn't clap or laugh or smile. we didn't hear oohs or aaahs or anything that could be heard from the audience area. no, they were dead silent. well, except for the part when i spoke chinese. they laughed. yes, that's what they did - laughed. on the other hand, the 1pm show on friday - that audience, i loved. :) they laughed and cheered and rooted for dum-arok as he killed ma'la with his last blow. :) hahaha :)

i'm pretty happy to have done the re-staging of duyan. met new friends, dealt with new problems, learned a few ins and outs in theater life, got to know old friends better, and learned a bit more of sign language... thanks to sir john :) won't forget the dancers from ballet philippines we worked with - jomer, lora, jonah, andro, camille, alvin, karmela, and vince. plus got the chance to work with bryce and aica. :) cool people. new friends. an everlasting friendship. :) also, got to hold the hand of my crush! waaaaaaah! :) hahahaha :)

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theft...

was on my way home one night. was with my dad in the car. there was a truck in front of us. a kid ran to it and tried to open the back of the truck. the metal doors were locked and didn't budge. so the kid opened a small rectangle door also at the back of the truck. i myself didn't know there was an opening there until i saw what the kid did. he got a metal thing out of that opening and ran without closing the opening. he looked back but ran as fast as he could. and the truck driver didn't know a thing. tsk tsk tsk. talk about philippines being related to poverty and theft.

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went to tagaytay with my cousins (oct. 27-29, 2006)

che, brian, and achi went to csb to fetch me after my last show of duyan ng kagitingan. ate at chicken chicken. we went to makati to fetch achi ste, who just got off work. then, we left manila. :) reached tagaytay at around 10 something. chit-chatted with cousins then we all went to bed. next morning, we got up and had brunch at leslie's. met my cousin's boyfriend.. lau. :) that night, we cooked mashed potatoes, pesto spaghetti, custard, and japanese pancake. yum! :) hehehe :) it was cool. we also watched veronica mars non-stop! i love that show... really. :) hahaha :) even my cousins got addicted to it! see the influence we have?! gosh! :) hahaha :) last day we were there, we went to eat at bag of beans. cool place they have. yummy pies too! :) hee hee :)

been a while since i've bonded with my cousins. it felt nice and warm. we could understand one another, being in the same situation and sometimes having the same problems. hehehe :) nice to have someone to talk to. looking forward to the next cousin bonding session we'll be having :)

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had our fotogra midterm exam yesterday. it was a 15 item mind boggling exam. don't know what score i got but i hope i pass. hehe :)

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just a funny scene from veronica mars:

EXT. NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT. DAY.

VMARS IS WAITING FOR LOGAN IN THE PARKING LOT. LOGAN NEARS.

logan: i'm really getting used to seeing a hot blonde waiting for me every morning before school starts.
vmars: i'm getting used to it too.
logan: but i'm not blonde.
vmars: or hot!

gets? hee hee :) okei... i know i know... i'd be better off with my mouth shut. but hey, it doesn't hurt to share :D

recap...

2006-10-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

*henna by hannah. ba'e laiya.

i rode on the silver LRT train, the one that had a broken airconditioner. there was a girl who stood in front of me. we exchanged smiles and faces that expressed "it's so hot!" then she got her copy of the new free newspaper that's given in LRT stations and handed a leaf of it to me. she smiled and said, "ito oh. ang init eh." really, there still are angels here on earth. :)

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set up for duyan ng kagitingan took place on saturday and sunday (oct 21 and 22, '06). i climbed the scaffolds to set up the lights and mics. it was scary but fun. TIRING too. :) hehehe :)

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first show of duyan was yesterday (oct 23). the run was all right, considering that we didn't have a decent dress tech rehearsal before the show. it was obvious most of us were nervous. hehe :) hope the succeeding runs would be become better and better ("_)

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there was an old lady (teacher from cksc) who stressed me out from 12 something to 130pm. she told me that she thinks our play is ugly (even though she hasn't seen it yet and she threw the tickets we were selling! ugh!). other than that, she told me that i should've taken up ACCOUNTING! (i'm not interested in math, thank you very much for asking.) and she sermoned me about love. she told me not to get married since SHE considered men to be pigheads who just want money (wtf?!). really, she actually told me that there were many guys who courted her! (what happened to eye glasses and contact lens?!) sheesh! i'm getting more evil by the minute. it's just weird that she barged into my life for that short span and managed to sermon me for around 30 minutes. wow. may God never let me meet her again.

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i have a new crush! waaaaa!!! he's so cute! :) hee hee... my co-actor in our play. watch our play if you wanna know who.. (hahaha... nang-intriga!) :) he's just plain cute. hee hee :) kinikilig ako! :D

but really.. duyan ng kagitingan. oct 25-27. 5pm. there's a 1pm show on oct. 27. csb theater. 150php.

interesting...

2006-10-13T23:55:00.000-07:00

*rugin scared, robbie dressed as angel of death*

*me and hannah (1st year college)*

what has happened:

- i've had a steaming conversation with one of the personnel in the GAS/reservations office.

our group needed the list of available facilities and equipment for the theater. we also needed the plans of the theater (floor plans, elevation plans, etc.). we wrote a letter and spent almost 2 weeks waiting for a reply. only the floor plan was given. sux.. so when i went to the office to inquire for the list of available facilities, a guy asked me what i needed. i told him that i needed the list. then started the steaming conversation - he questioned my course, my abilities, and worse of all, my knowledge. i felt insulted. take note: i had not yet eaten anything that day and my head was hurting from our fotogra class which took place beneath the hot sun. what i would give to see someone strangle that man's neck.

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- i've fought with two of my professors. well, they scolded us.

namely sir jay and miss alfon. it was our fault, actually. something to do with our class requirement and not giving the complete-complete presentation. considering that we were already juniors, well, we were grilled alive. that was sir jay's class. unfortunately, he told ms alfon... who in turn, scolded us more during our rehearsals for duyan. talk about the domino effect. i admit that i felt bad the day and the few days after they scolded us... who wouldn't?... esp. since we climbed the theater catwalk and scaffloding to get the measurements and all.

well, talked to them. things seem to be all right now. but then again, i don't wanna assume.

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- we went to the theater to gather measurements and observations and dealt with ghosts.

yes, the CSB theater is indeed haunted! waaa! i'm seriously not making this up. migs, rug, and i were at the tech booth of the theater. migs was sitting on a table and was hitting his foot on it; thus, the sound *thud thud thud* the thing was migs was at the far left side of the booth when rug and i were at the far right. rug and i both heard a *thud* coming from our side of the room. all of us looked at one another and migs said, "ako lang yun. tignan niyo ah." he stopped hitting his foot on the table. BUT the *thud* still continued. creeeepy... and yes, we ran downstairs. hahahahaha :)

we had to climb the catwalk to get the measurements. the catwalk is the top of the acting area, a very dark place. i was on the catwalk, rug was on the ladder, and hannah was on the stage. i heard clicking noises. i knew it was coming from somewhere near me, but didn't dare say anything. soon enough, i asked hannah, "han, may naririnig ba kayong click na sound? parang yung switch sa ilaw?" hannah paused and said, "ganyan ba?" she twisted the cap on her ball pen and yes, it was the same sound. so, i was relieved. a second later, i heard the clicking sound again and looked at hannah. she was looking at me and she wasn't twisting her ball pen. yikes! i said, "hindi ikaw yun eh." hannah just said, "may iba." hahaha :) ooookay!! na-jabar kaming lahat!!!!! hahahaha :)

catwalk again... it was creepy 'cause i could hear the "woooooo" sounds there. i'm not joking. it really sounded like spirits wooo-ing. creepy. good thing my group mates were there with me. yikes be-dikes! hehehe :)

the theater experience was creepy but fun. esp. when you're with hannah... she has a gift. YIKES! hahaha :)

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- i was home alone during the weekend.

my family went to china and i was left home alone. hahaha :) it was an inauguration of my late grandfather's project so the family was asked to go. i was supposed to have class on friday and saturday... so i chose not to go. the saturday class is a class i don't want to miss. unfortunately, those classes did not push through. the profs were absent. ugh! but had rehearsals, so my weekend wasn't put to waste at all. hehehe :)

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- saw someone get hurt on the LRT

rode the LRT to school. heard a *thud*. everyone was craning their necks for a better look at what happened. i didn't get to see. soon, a guy was announcing for another guy, "....., hinahanap po kayo ng kasama niyo. punta nalang po kayo sa harapan ng tren." it was later on that i saw an old lady with a cloth on her head. she was bleeding. i guess she tripped on her way up the train and hit her head. hope she's doing all right now...

last week's agenda

2006-09-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

*geneve, sophie, jack, me, and michie*

last tuesday's (09-19-06) experience...

went to the supermarket to run some errands... and yes, i was alone... was waiting for achi since her class just ended and the car went to admu to fetch her. so there, i was breezing through the aisles with my grocery list when a tall guy and his sister's (i assume) cart blocked my way. they pulled back and let me pass. inheriting the filipino attritube of being polite, i smiled and said thanks. weird thing was his sister was making the typical "yiii...." teases. go figure. i didn't mind them and went to the next aisle. that's when the sister ran up to me, celphone in hand, and asked, "ate, pwede po bang makuha number niyo?" when i looked behind, i saw the guy hiding behind the shelves... oookaaaay.... i don't wanna be mean, but the guy was... uh.... he looked... uh.... you get the point.

just so you know, i didn't give them my number. i was flattered, yeah.. but no way was i gonna give someone completely unknown to me my number. hee hee :D well, that was one heck of an experience. :)

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i just go on the LRT when the buzzer sounded. the doors were about to close. there was an old lady waving her hands, asking the conductor not to close the doors yet. she wanted to get on the train. the doors closed. but opened again when a guy in a blue barong (part of the LRT personnel, i think) asked the conductor to wait. the guy in blue barong went to the lola and helped her to her seat. it gave me a sense of pride to know that there are still people like the guy in the blue barong here in the philippines.

and it made me think of the other countries. in japan, the vehicles arrived and departed on time. they gave no exceptions. same in hongkong and the states. what if the same situation had happened there? an old lady wanting to get on the train but having difficulties walking. it was obvious that she was trying her best to walk faster. would the trains abroad wait for the lola to get on? or would they go on with their timed schedules? or maybe they'd ask the lola to wait for the next train, knowing that it wasn't that far away? i don't know. the situation just got me thinking. but i was proud to have witnessed that moment. i don't know if anyone else in that train saw what happened. i'm just glad i did. :D

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thursday (09-21-06)

went to u.p. diliman to witness one of my friend's shining moments. the film in which sophie starred in was one of the six 20-minute films that were under takilyang peyups. she acted as the main character of the film "now hiring." as i was watching the film showing at the aldaba hall, i felt proud of my beshie. we've known each other ever since elementary and she's been one of my best friends since then. it was nice to see her on screen and do her thing. it just felt great that she invited me to watch her film screening. she really has become a star in her own way. :) plus, met some of her friends... they were just like her - makulit, charming, funny, and cool to be with. no wonder sophie gets along with them. :) once again, kudos to sophie... for making her break as an actress :) she deserves every compliment said and the admiration given, esp. with the work she put in. i can't help but think how much she has matured - from her looks (she's become prettier now, esp. with her rosy cheeks and new hairstyle) to her way of talking. a lot has changed since she entered u.p., but i know that she'll forever be the beshie i know and shared stories with back in elementary and high school. :)

the six films were:

1. deadline - a group of friends are pressured with the deadline of their project that is due in a few days. they gather in the condo of raymond to work, but at the same time a famous actress is murdered in the same building they're staying in. they soon find stuff in the condo that aren't supposed to be there and happenings that aren't supposed to take place. is the murder connected to one of the group members? or is it just coincidence? will they get to finish their project on time? are they up to what's going to happen as they rush themselves to reach their deadline?

2. you had me at hello - a musical that involves the lives of five people who are working as call center agents. the story revolves around how the strong the bond is with these five friends when problems arise.

3. edi po... - a story about a mama's boy who is obsessed with his newfound experience - intercourse with a certain someone. he finds it hard to concentrate with his studies and finds malice in words his friends say. at the same time, he deals with the hurt and hatred he feels toward his father. he remembers what his father said, "bantayan mo nanay mo ah. alagaan mo siya." and he has kept his promise ever since. dealing a lot with emotions, this film's title was derived from oedipus. you get the point?

4. abot tanaw - typical love story. a guy who falls in love with the girl his fiancee hates. it happened when the fiancee locked the girl in the trunk of her car. so happens that they guy used the fiancee's car and found the girl inside. their story blooms from there. the funny thing about this film is that they used a lot of cliches and the famous one-liners from different movies. comedic in its own way, you'd find yourself in a mix of emotions - sorrow, happiness, laughter, etc.

5. now hiring - zai just turned twenty and her parents give her a gift - resumes of legitimate guys she can call her boyfriend. bewidered with what her parents did, she meets ton and hires him to be her boyfriend. ton is a middle classed person and finds it hard to match zai's upper class upbringing. will ton and zai figure a way to work things out? will love really conquer all? a fun romantic comedy, this film will bring tears and laughter to the audience.

6. quiet dinners - a photographer is taking photos of a company and so happens the manager of the company was in one of them. the photographer's boss likes what he sees and asks the photographer to take pics of the company with the manager in it. the manager, a girl, seems the intimidating type and snobs the photographer off. how will the photographer get snapshots of the girl, which he falls in love with in the end? how will he get her attention and get her to agree? and the most challenging of all, how will the photographer get to talk to the girl with him being deaf mute?

pictures and plays

2006-09-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

*jax, me, hana, and joey - models kuno during rox's fotogra class last term*

yesterday (09-18-06) -- i got to see the first batch of pictures i had taken with a NIKON FM3 camera... :) first time to actually see my output with a manual SLR... believe it or not, i tore the film the first time i used an SLR camera... hee hee... :D i was supposed to rewind the film, problem was i forgot to press the rewind/release button beneath the SLR camera... so, there... i tore the film.

anyway, though some pictures were, ummm, weird and blurred, i'm proud to say that there were a few shots i really liked :P hehehe :) there was this one particular shot that hannah kept laughing at.. :) it was a shot with arnie, hannah, and rug aiming their cameras at a flower; they were just standing in different angles. i would've liked the shot if it weren't that blurred... hehe :) hannah kept laughing, saying that i focused on the leaves that were on the extreme right side of the picture and everything else in the picture was blurred... :) hee hee :P

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watched two plays last weekend... shock value and godot, wer is u? both plays were quite nice.. :)

shock value was staged in U.P. Wilfrido-Guerrero Theater. it was about life behind the cameras, behind the scenes. how a successful producer dealt with the issues when he was caught red-handed as he was having sex with a TV host. it showed the things actors and actresses would do and sacrifice for their careers. it was a comedy... fun, intriguing, and eye-catching. the production was brought out in a variety show kind of way. full of dances like our afternoon ASAP or SOP shows. :) there was also a chika portion, mocking the chika-minute program or the fact that CHIKA was actually put along the stream of serious news reportings. imagine this: mount mayon is on the verge of errupting and the village people near there are asked to evacuate the location. // isang boldstar, virgin pa daw?! ... you get what i mean? ironically, people actually wanna know more about the boldstar issue than that of mayon. weird.

godot, wer is u? with this play, you have to have the ear and the patience to listen. staged at the ccp-tanghalang huseng batute, this play was all-talk. based from a script/novel by samuel beckett, there were two people who did everything and talked about anything they could think of while waiting for godot. personally, i'd think godot was meant to represent death in the production. i liked this production for the fact that it dealt with a lot of symbolisms and poetry. "hinihintay natin si godot!" was repeated in a singsong manner that it got stuck to my head after the play. :) one of the one-liners i really loved was the one said by potsu: waaa! bulag na ako... nung nagising ako kanina, mas blind pa ako sa love!" :D hee hee hee :) it was a comedy... but as i've said, you have to listen to the dialogue to enjoy the whole thing. for me, i didn't notice it... but the time i really appreciated the production was when i was analyzing about it. it's simply beautiful... a lot of hidden meanings, symbolisms, poetic verses, etc. simply put, it was WOW. :) hehehe :)

week... :)

2006-09-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

*an ambigram from hannah's cap :)*

i had my fifth and last driving lesson today... drove up to commonwealth, quezon circle, quezon avenue, and EDSA already... was pretty cool :) hehehe :) kuya terry was all smiles and i praise him for his patience when it comes to dealing with my impeccable style of driving :) hahahaha :)

first day of driving... i drove from malabon to dagat dagatan to navotas... and believe it or not, i passed an accident... yes, there was a dead body involved. didn't get to see the accident scene since kuya terry blocked my view and told me to keep my eyes on the road. i only had a glimpse of a broken bicycle; it was later on that i found out that it was an accident between the said bicycle and a motorcycle. love, our helper who was seated at the backseat, gave me the details as we walked home from the school. there was a pool of blood and the man was dead with a capital D.

the succeeding days went by swiftly... i learned how to do a 3 point turn and a 2 point turn... plus, i was taught how to parallel park though i still haven't gotten the hang of it... hehe :) it was my third day that i was allowed to drive to EDSA... cool.... hahaha :)

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watched monster house with shobe last saturday... :) cute story and plot... though a kiddie movie, i have to admit that there were some parts that kept me on my toes :) hee hee... it was pretty cool to see an animated horror movie... :) having the horror genre, it attracted people of all ages... :) and, of course, the animation was even more splendid since i had my white cheddar chimara popcorn and iced tea with me :) hahaha :) yum!

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my tummy hurt again yesterday... after how many months of watching what i eat, my tummy betrayed me. partly my fault since i was a glutton for iced tea for the past week... plus the fact that the booth of NYFD entered the campus ground. who could resist the lure of fries???? but everything went well again as soon as i got home... least my tummy didn't hurt as much as it did when i was still in high school... hehehe :) thank God for that. oh well, better watch the food i eat once again. but nothing's gonna keep me away from New York Fries and Nacho King and Sno Cones and the Belgian Chocolate stalls that are set up inside the campus until next friday. *drooling* hahaha :)

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need to heighten things up as a literary staffer... the number of write-ups i need to edit keep on accumulating each day... the number has already reached a minimum of 135 write-ups... hahaha :) good luck to me! :) hahaha :)

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boy: d na matutuloy kasal natin.
girl: bakit?!
boy: dad mo kasi...
girl: hindi noh! gusto ka naman ng dad ko eh.

boy: yun nga eh...... gusto ko rin siya.....

duyan ng kagitingan

2006-08-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

musang (aica), inag-tala (hana), ba'e diw-ata (phangga)

ilang (rugin) and handmaiden2/ba'e laiya (me)

duyan ng kagitingan is finally in the bag. :) a term of hardships, rehearsals, pressure, and patience has finally paid off. we staged the production on august 24 (6pm) and 25 (8pm). :) there are no words to explain how happy and honored i am to actually be part of the production. :) everything was so action packed - from the prologue to the epilogue of the play. :) the audience were always on the lookout for the fight scenes. :) no words can explain the beauty of our costumes, make-up, and of course, the lights. :) everything just meshed so well... :) it was, in a weird way, perfect in its own imperfection. :) did i just make any sense? :) hahaha :)

of course there were times we stumbled over our lines, had mental black, and made mistakes with our blockings... but it is nonetheless one of the greatest plays ever staged :) then again, i'm biased :) hahaha :)
it was also nice to see friends and family gather around to watch our production. :) we had a "full house" on the 24th and nothing would explain the nervousness yet excitement and happiness we all felt inside :) then came the open forum.. our play was part of ccp's "waiting in the wings" program... a lot of people commented on our play - from the fight scenes to the arnis usage to the indigenous filipino plot :)
in short, i just really feel fulfilled. :) plus the fact that most, if not all, of us who stood hand-in-hand to make this production possible were students of the De La Salle- College of Saint Benilde :)

it was really cool working with people from different year levels and courses... we all had our own areas of expertise but like magic, we all hit it off quite well :)
another production accomplished. :) hopefully, many more to come :)

prayer...

2006-08-15T00:45:00.000-07:00

first things first, it's officially shirley's birthday today!!! so.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHERLOTZ!!! :) well, i was the second one to greet her... my record has been broken... shucks.. hahaha :) happy, happy birthday to my twinie :) one of the best, best friends i have... love her a lot :)

hmm... went to the chapel a while ago... :) a start.. i know... haha :) it was really nice actually... the ambience, the fragrant smell, the lighting, the guy playing his guitar at the back as he sang a few lines from a christian song. :) it was my definition of a perfect scenery. i felt so relaxed, so at home, so light. it was really, really, really nice :) want to do it again sometime soon... :) plus, the company... :) hehehe :P

he asked me, "if there's one thing you would ask God for, what would it be?"
i looked him in the eyes and smiled. i closed my eyes and prayed. i felt him bow his head down too as he closed his eyes in a silent prayer.
i opened my eyes. i smiled. i looked at him and said, "tara, hannah's waiting outside."
he agreed.
i told joey and martian we'd head outside first. they smiled and said they'd follow.

when we were outside, he and hannah told me some bible stories, thanks to the macquettes displayed outside the chapel... haha :)
i was impressed. :)
with my situation right now, i asked God for two things a while ago: open minds and freedom. God knows what's best for me.

he looked at me and smiled... if there was one thing you would ask God for, what would it be?

i smiled back.

i needn't tell him what i would ask for.

my that one prayer had already been answered. ;)

decision

2006-08-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

damn.

my life is full of shit right now. worthless. unfair. prejudiced. controlled. i'm stuck in the middle. don't know where to go. i'm stuck.

hell broke loose. i'm drowning. no way out. i'm drowning. i'm helpless. i'm hopeless. no other way. i'm drowning.

i'm a coward.

no one understands. no one... damn it.

can't live like this anymore. just can't.

more than friends, less than lovers. for me, that's final. take it from me. i said that. it's what i want. my decision.

shit. i AM a coward. hypocrite. freak. coward.

people do become their hatest enemies. i'm becoming my own worst nightmare. double shit.

damn.

so help me God.

and help him understand. i can't do this anymore.

more than friends, less than lovers. that's my deal. take it or leave it.

damn.

courage. will. justice. freedom. choice. all gone. one remains. fear.

i am who i am. this is who i am. this is my life.

coward.

damn.

17 days to go...

2006-08-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

picture: (from left) rugin, hannah, arnie, me, jackie, kuya andrew, and sir paul at the center :)

we have roughly 17 days to go before our play at ccp... :) 17 days to practice/rehearse and have arnis training... yikes! :) kinda exciting and scary at the same time... it's gonna be real fun since we're the ones who're gonna act and set up the place (lights!!! yay!) but scary too since we are kind of under rehearsed still... hehe :) but nonetheless, i'm sure it's gonna be one worthwhile experience. :)

hope a lot of people will get the chance to watch this production of ours. it's an original script written by nathan mazo and translated by nikki torres :) script was developed by our director miss alfon :) dance numbers are choreographed by arnie umayam and our fight scenes are choreographed by sir paul :)

"duyan ng kagitingan" showing dates are august 24 and 25. both 8pm at the tanghalang huseng batute. :)

17 days left.... gosh... :) at least 17 more days of 6-9 rehearsals... hahaha :) plus the workload we have for our other subjects!!! waaaah!!!! :) thus the saying, it's tiring but it's fun :)

cool quiz

2006-07-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

ok, i am at the yearbook office. and it's raining cats and dogs outside. hmp. it's 8:47am, have been in school ever since 7:30am. damn. hahaha :)

You scored as Theater.

You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself!

Theater - 100%
Journalism - 92%
Dance - 75%
English - 75%
Linguistics - 75%
Sociology - 75%
Art - 75%
Philosophy - 58%
Psychology - 58%
Biology - 42%
Anthropology - 33%
Engineering - 33%
Mathematics - 25%
Chemistry - 17%

this is a cool quiz/survey/whatever you wanna call it. :) got it from sharleen's page. hahaha :) this kind of boosted up my view on my course, if it's really for me or not. :) cooL.... hahaha :)

What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com

more than friends, less than lovers

2006-07-27T23:58:00.000-07:00

such a good man. caring. understanding. sweet. cute. charming. funny. witty. honest. no pretentions. gentleman. everything a girl could ask for...

he'd text me every morning till night. even if i fall asleep without replying (which i often do so)...
he'd walk me to the lrt. even if 5 minutes was left before his class starts.
he'd hug me. and hug me. and hug me some more.
he'd call my celphone and talk for 30 minutes about stalkers and flowers.
he'd give me a stuffed toy so that i won't forget him when he goes to singapore (his future workplace).
he'd text me that he misses me when he was in singapore.
he'd put a smile on my face just by being himself.
he'd tell jokes, even if they were corny.
he'd dance around. and twirl me around. as if we knew how to dance.
he'd tell me that my punches can't hurt him because he's macho.
he'd accompany me until my dad came to fetch me.
he'd tell me different stories, starting off our conversations.
he'd tell me encouraging words when i'm in a down mood.
he'd hold my hand and never let go.
he'd get to know my friends and my school mommy better.
he'd promise to bring me to punta fuego and atc.
he'd ask me where i was and run to find me.
he'd text me and say that he's hoping he can see me before his class.
he'd be there for me.
he'd tell me that he loves me in bisaya.
he'd ask for just one chance while others asked for second chances.

he'd be the reason why i look forward to school everyday.
he'd make me laugh and smile and make my day brighter.

call me stupid. a coward. someone who can't fight for herself.

but the thing is, be it i like/love him or not, i'm just not strong enough to do what i can do... and that is fight for him. i'm tired of what is happening. i don't wanna face days that feel this bad anymore. i can't bring myself to do it. i admit that i'm a coward in my own way.

life is full of i-don't-knows. that's what he said. we don't know what the future has in store for us. the future's always a mystery.

but in this case, present tell the future for me. i can't disobey them. i don't have the strength to do so. i'm weak....

i don't know what's going to happen. no one knows. as he said, life is full of i-don't-knows.

i told my friend once, "the girl he's gonna like is gonna become real lucky." just so happens i did become that lucky girl. i was lucky to have him in my life. but luck just didn't agree with me.

as the saying goes, "most good things must come to an end." bull crap. but yet again, i don't know.

never did i think that i'd utter these words.

more than friends, less than lovers.

realization..

2006-07-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

i had the chance to talk to my parents yesterday... and i really felt guilty... for saying a lot of things... for thinking that they were against me all along... that i was just being treated as the black sheep in the family...

i was wrong. i felt their fear. i felt their worry. i felt their want to make the right decisions.

i had the chance to really talk to my parents and i felt their parental love and guidance. they want the best for me. that sums up everything. they want me to be happy and have a beautiful life. nothing in this world would make them happier than to see their daughters successful and happy. :) being parents, it's a given that there are certain things they worry about. i'll repeat again... they want the best for me. :)

i guess i'll never fully grasp the concept of 'worrying' as a parent. that's something that i'll come to learn when my turn comes to become a parent. which is like two decades away. hehe :)

i apologize for all the blabbing things i said about mom and dad. i guess now i've realized how hard it is to become a parent, esp. if the kid's someone like me. hehehe :) i know that there are times that they commit mistakes and there are times that they find it hard to tell us to reconsider some of our decisions. but they've done a pretty good job as my parents. and i'm proud of them. i love them so much. :) no one job can be equal to the hardships and patience a parent needs to have. :)

i love my mom and dad so much. :)

so, whoever's reading my entry, do give your parents a pat on the back, a kiss, and a hug. :) they're truly the stars that shine amongst the darkness. :)

freaking day.

2006-07-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

putang ina talaga. this day is just so full of shit. should i go over every fucking detail of my miserable life? nah, don't think so.i'll just cut to the chase. okay. i'm in u.p. and about to watch a play. met up with sophie.. haven't seen my beshie for a while now;i guess that was the nicest thing that happened to me today. so after the play, we get ready to leave.

no one was going to pass by sm north edsa and i, being the nonchalant and dumb person that i am, did not have an inkling as to how i was going to get my ass back home. see? nonchalant, dumb, ignorant girl = me. so lesson learned: if you hate my guts, leave me in the middle of nowhere and i'll be dragging my sorry ass up to you.
anyway, i was fortunate enough to have ms. alfon, joey, rox, camille, etc. to save me from being lost and took me with them to eat. we went to sweet intentions first but decided for cantjinas in the end. oh yes, i reached katipunan, the restaurant just in front of admu. yes, that's the one. others had beer and nachos, joey and rox settled for burritos and water (i think). so i was there. didn't order anything because my cel kept on ringing. you know the feeling that you want people to just leave you alone? you know they care for you and all but you just want to be left alone. damn. some don't understand that concept. so ring ring ring non-stop for my phone. and guess what, a hello would be nice for someone on the other line. but no, shouting was the award winning action that had to take place. so yes, i was literally bugged and shouted at for about 20 minutes. i honestly didn't know how to go hone so joey offered that we ride the tric to the katipunan station and that's when we would go our separate ways. or rox would be able to commute with me by jeep and bus until monumento. so yay, problem solved. or so i wished. no, my cel just had to keep ringing. and take note, i was having the why-all-of-times-my-cel-chose-now case of low battery. anyway, i couldn't dodge the calls. i answered and was told that i had better get my ass to where i was wanted. so instead of having one person to accompany me to wherever destination, i had my none. not bad for a first-timer.

really. my life is just so shitty recently. it is just so shitty. really, my life does not deserve a better term than "shitty." god, i am sopathetic. but then, that makes my life even more shitty. whatever.

the whole "it's for your own good." i respect it. but damn, i just wish i had a little freedom, a little TRUST. damn trust issues. i amalways surrounded by them. damn.

and my situation right, my thoughts about him and what could and SHOULD be ain't making things any easier. damn it.

just like the rumbling photo. my life has no steady or stable thing right now.

ain't easy to live my fucking life.

meet mocha

2006-07-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

meet mocha. cute, charming, and cuddly. :) given to me by someone who thinks i'll forget him when he goes to singapore. gosh, how right.. i need a stuffed toy to remind me that someone like him exists in this world. hmp. :) that's where he's wrong. :)
was supposed to name mocha after he who gave mocha to me but decided against it. if i did that, i'd have no nickname for him anymore. hahaha :) so, i gave vanilla (hannah's teddy) a counterpart. taa-daa... meet mocha :) cute, cute, cute. soft. cuddly. petite. lovable. huggable. kissable. did i mention cute? :) hahaha :)
"i chose him out of a zoo of animals shouting 'pick me!' and i told him to take care of you while i'm gone." so sweet. hehe :) i'd be a hypocrite if i said i wasn't expecting anything from him (he told me that he had a 'grand master plan!'), but actually seeing him get the blue magic bag out of his bag and giving it to me was different. it felt nice. hehehe :) ever since this term started, i've seen a different him. weird how i'd come to like him. most friends tell me that they expected it and stuff like that but i honestly didn't expect that i'd like him.

having said that now, there's THE problem i have to face once again. i don't know what'll happen tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. he told me that everything'll be all right as long as we're happy with each other. but is it true? i always question myself. will i be able to return everything he's giving me? will i be able to describe him as 'someone i love?' will i be able to be free with him? will the feeling of fear ever leave me? will i be able to feel what i want with him with people judging our every action? will i? questions that will never have positive answers.
i've asked hannah and rugin once about everything, about my feelings. yes, i'm really confused with how i feel right now. they just told me that i'd never be able to assert how i feel and feel the freedom of being loved and loved by this certain someone because of traditions. the ever-so-famous traditions that i never seem to get tired of trying to break. but of course, i always lose.

mood : bad trip. why? don't ask me.

2006-07-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

fell asleep with my lighdes notes on my side at around 12 something last night. woke up at 4 and studied again. haha. went back to sleep after an hour. had to wake up at 5:50 and go to uno with shobe. ate breakfast with parents. went to csb. went to find hana. got together with rugen, arnie, hana, and jc at the cafeteria and reviewed for our lighdes midterm exam. passed the exam. whew!

after lighdes, had arnis training with sir paul. learned a lot of new stuff. cool training. hehe :) loved the synchronization of the drum beats and the arnis sticks hitting one another. :) so better watch out for duyan ng kagitingan!
practice ended at around 5:30pm. changed clothes. went to lrc ext. and found neppy, byron,nora, and teddy. rugen and hana went to rugen's condo to take a quick shower. teddy went with me to the caf to grab a bite. ate my favorite snack in country style, tiger pawz. yum! hehe :) went to worlite class. 6-9... my goodness.... had a poem comprehension exam. i didn't finish it. wished she just made us write whatever we understood. but she asked questions and we had to answer them. ugh!

last but not the least, i had to come home. yes, and be scolded. potna naman eh! if i talk about my day, they cut me short. they don't really listen. sabagay, who would listen to someone who's blabbing about her day sa araw araw na ginawa ng diyos? and if i don't talk, she thinks i'm in a foul mood, which results to THE scolding. i dunno. i'm not happy. it's hard. i really don't understand myself at times.

my life's a bitch. potna talaga.

midterms...

2006-07-04T05:51:00.000-07:00

i should be studying right now. midterm week = cram week = hell week = super stress = low batt everyday.

went online right now to check for new updates on our upcoming production :) hehehe :) yes, our ojt1 is to help nathan out with this thesis, a play. duyan ng kagitingan. and i'm playing the role of ba'e la-iya :) hehehe :) i'm gonna speak mandarin! while the rest speak old tagalog. yay! :) so i'm gonna be in my own world :) hahaha :) but take note! i have an interpreter! o db? sosyal! san ka pa?! :) hahaha :)

saw this link sent by sheryl go. it's really nice. :) hehe. just wanted to share it with whoever's reading my blog. hehe :) http://www.paete.org/parentswish/site01/big.html :)

sacrifice is the key word to my being. and it sucks.

2006-06-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

i should've gone to the byo to help out. wondering how jane is coping up there, what with the eb in the bidding thing. and even if i wanted to go, i didn't have a way. so there.... bugger.

it still keeps on bothering me. the concept of familiarity (www.tabulas.com/~weirdlycute). it was fun at first. having and knowing other people who are experiencing the same situation as you. exchanging notes/experiences with them and finding out at that you're two peas in a pod. you see everything in this bright light and that your future's perfect.

but the feeling doesn't last long. something i discovered along the way to my 'perfect future.' i can honestly say that my life is, in need for a better word, crap. i used to agree with the others that we should be with our own race. it's what's best for us. same traditions. same culture. same bloodline. same shit. but, is it what i really want? liking someone outside our race gave me the answer. hell, no.

you'd have to kill me first before i ever go back to the someone-filipino-courted-me situation. that time, my life was totally shitty. i had no liberty of doing anything. my every move was being watched. i may be exaggerating a little, but you get the point. going home was the most tiring thing i did back then. facing reality was the hardest thing to deal with.

i've put myself in their shoes at times and yes, i find it hard to decide. i've heard others say that they too would stick to the rules. rules... as if there's a book that states hundreds and thousands of do's and dont's.

you like someone. but you can't have him. or yet, you stop yourself from even liking him. why? because of others. you're scared of getting hurt, not from him, but from others.

imagining the 'perfect life' in the future. pure. clean. able. and everyone's happy. you're happy as well, but not as happy as you could've been with that someone from the past. a past you couldn't grasp. couldn't hold on to.
what should be always wins over what could be. and that sucks.

someone once told me to say what i wanted to say and not what others want me to say. society dictates what a person should be. what i say is 'no.' which results to where i am now. pondering. wishing. thinking. faced with a new ordeal.

don't get the wrong idea. i love my life and i love being me. some people may get how i feel and some people will think that i'm just a crazy bitch, condradicting everything i've said. if you get the saying that with great power (bloodline/tradition) comes great responsibility. then you most certainly will understand that in my case, sacrifice is the key word to my being. and i don't like it; not even a bit.

the lake house. shifting entries. random words.

2006-06-25T02:17:00.000-07:00

the lake house. nice movie. chick flick. alvin hated it. hahaha :) but i loved it.

anyway, i'm still in between blogs right now. i'm trying to see which blog is easier to use (blogspot or tabulas) hehe :) i've some entries in tabulas if you're really bored to death and want to read my entries :) hehehe :)

www.tabulas.com/~weirdlycute

plus, if you want to read some of my poems, please feel free to go to http://www.weirdly_cute.blogspot.com. :)

ojt 1 ongoing. having rehearsals and arnis lessons already. preparing for a production to be shown on august. "duyan ng kagitingan" or "hero's cradle" written by nathan mazo and translated by nikki torres. nice script. exciting production. can't wait. hehe :)

other than the production, byo's work is piling up too. not having an editor doesn't help us out at all. i know our editor's busy with his work and all, but it's kind of unfair to us literary staffers. he has his reasons.

the office seems distant nowadays. maybe not to all, but to me. GA's all start and end in silence. a parade of gloomy faces. what was the phrase one of the byo people used? ah yes, "slave driver." but whatever happens, i'm just a staffer. got to follow the rules.

down in the dumps lately. don't know if it's because i don't love my role in the production (yet), the untouched load pinned on my corkboard in the office or 'just because.'

life. hurt. anger. pain. agony. tragedy. hope.

darkness. gloom. sadness. rumble. clouds. gray. glimmer. ray. brightness.

just random words.